Unexpected (Fiasco Experiment Day 2)

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

First of all, I'm glad you posted a beat to this because It seemed to flow really well! I sort of had a piece that had the same idea as this but It was an attempt at story telling that didnt work out lol. Anyway, this was good dude you kept it pretty detailed the whole time however the only thing I would change is having some more detail like 4 lines before the ending lol. But this was a really great creative piece dude keep it up!

[Mr.DGAF]

I think this is pretty good. The idea sorta outdoes the execution, I sorta see what you're saying. There's some really nice stuff, I liked the Yao Ming line haha. But I think you used exhaust in the same rhyme scheme twice, and that kinda popped out. Some of the rhymes seemed a bit forced, but for the most part you did a good job of moving the story along in a quick verse, no real dull moments there. The line about her asking "Why you're so exhausting" was kinda weird mane. Like, the way it's worded makes it look like the quoted part is an actual question. I might not have explained that too well haha, but oh well.

[Words]

Lol, the ending to this piece was great. I can see what you did with the whole "fucked the wrong chick" thing. Histarical. I technically speaking, it was a sound verse. The flow or lyrics weren't AMAZING but they weren't horribly bad.... "good" is the word I would use to describe them. It was very strong topically however, it was an typical yet entertaining story with a very comical twist ending. Loved that aspect of this piece. Good job

[Slim Fiasco]

This was a good piece man, I liked it. I always love when there's something unexpected that comes up. The Yao Ming line was great, and I also liked the hornet one. I don't know why, but this verse reminded me of Big L which is really cool. Especially this line right here:

My pick up skills are slick, yet too risky like a golf swing

It's just something that I think L would say, probably because you used slick.

The last line was cool as well, haha. I didn't see that coming. So yeah, as you know, I'm a bigger fan of this type of verses rather than more rhyming-focused ones, so great job!

[SG.]

I've got to be honest, I don't see how this is your original idea. How is this girl "the wrong chick"? The flow was onpoint, but this piece doesn't really match up with your intentions. You are "the wrong guy" in this piece, you didn't subvert the idea like you said you did.

[SG.]

Wait, are you the one hanging off the cliff? OH. I get it now. Sorry, you did fulfill your intention.