Death Race (Fiasco Day 5)(Sorry I'm late)

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

Hey all, I missed a couple days but am definitely doing the verses!! I wrote this to a beat but cant find it.

LOF: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=146288

If my life were a movie itd be a race to the death
with a man torn apart still taking the steps to make the best
of what god gave him hes blessed still theres evil aimed at his chest
his minds vacant but stressed he's still writing just staying depressed
he stays fighting creating a mess but theyre taking his breath
making his flesh fill with hate and regret, anger and yet
hes just a product of an alien test they made a mistake
they took vagueness and craze invaded his brain so he cant be the same
then injected a strain infected with aids straight through his legs
now hes taking a space ship back to the earth in fact with the urge
to master his verbs and massacre words till his raps are dispersed
through the catholic church by then he'll be dead back in a hearse
in a graveyard til his ass is emerged through the blackness and dirt
he swerves and crashes in your grandma whos hurt and snatches her purse
Dasch has just turned from the whackest of turds to a rapper who smirks
happened so fast its a blur and he'll stay till the passion is burned!

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

thanks dude, I definitely know what you mean, I am really working on my flow I thought this one flowed a lot better than some of my previous pieces, and you worded it perfectly cause lately i have really been realizing the links between rhyming and the flow and syllables and everything, so next drop I hope will flow better!

[Mr.DGAF]

Ahhhh. For real, after like bar 3 or 4 it was rhyming massacre. Seriously haha, this was crazy. Flow was on point, the lengthening of bars has definitely helped you pick up a flow better. Not much to critique for this piece man. You did the topic well and still rhymed like crazy.

[Slim Fiasco]

Awesome ish dude, as it's been pointed out, the rhyming is sick. I loved it! But it's not just that, I like how you made the topic for the day to go well with the rhymes. Great job!

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

Thanks guys, I think the longer bars have actually helped me out by making it more challenging I guess, anyways, I need to get to writing my day 7 verse soon.