Mr. Don't Get A Fuck (Fiasco Day 10)

[Mr.DGAF]

Here's my self diss. Hopefully not supplying ammo for other writers

Added a beat and edited for flow on said beat.


Feed: http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=146380
Beat:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pzClAbG0Ls&feature=youtube_gdata_player
 
 
This dude will stay behind computers, dazed for a few days
He's stupid and his user name is gay, writtens ooze lame
Qualities, and honestly he's gotta be a virgin, typical
So when you see his name it's purpose is he doesn't get a fuck
Not giving one is also false, his sensitivity is off the charts
He's probably getting all involved in arguments then logging off
Because he caught a loss, it's blowing up his brain like C-4
He's not a boss cause G's are only close to H on keyboards
Plus he beefs more now-a-days to try and get noticed
But the shit's hopeless, want a bigger name then quit posting
Only in creative sections, man there's gotta be more
Spots on a board for you to feel as if you've gotten ignored
The problem of course is you don't have intangibles
You're lacking the passion that crafting raps will demands from ya
Acting manly as fuck on a board will only go lifting up
His little spirits, schucks just give it up, Don't Get a Fuck

[Sam.]

Dissing Maddaddy? Seems like it, 'cuz you pretty much rounded him off in this one. But, it's not! You're dissing yourself. I don't know what amount of realm that you have brought to this, because some of the lines aren't legit, as far as I know you. Maybe this is matter of random facts, who knows?

It seems like you struggled to get your thoughts out, you used some played out similes like the C-4 one. Seems like you crumbled things you wanted to say. You could have increased the No. of bars if you wanted to, there's no strict rule as far as sticking to set of bars, that is, ya dig.

Rhyming was on/off for me, some of the Multis didn't click for me. Domino effect; the flow was off too at times. Seems like you hurried the whole thing.

For a self diss, this is just average. Talking about your TR Persona is not that important, errbody knows that. Talk about you, yourself. Twist it, fake it if you don't want to reveal the real you. Say something that we don't know about you, again twisting in metaphors and other ways.

I would rate it: 4.5/10.

BTW, could you explain me this line:

"He's not a boss cause G's are only close to H on keyboards"

[Mr.DGAF]

Thanks for the feed man. I get the flow may not be easy to pick up, I had a particular flow in mind that, without a beat, is almost mpossible to find. So I get that. But this piece is really all about me, and all of it's true. The beefing more, the ignored stuff, that's all stuff I really feel. I felt like a actually gave a lot of realness in this, but if you felt otherwise then I guess not.

And that line is because my name starts with H, and I'm not a boss because the only way G's are around me is with keyboards.

[Mr.DGAF]

I use the little 4G thing from Verizon which limits the videos and music I can play via internet. That's why all my pieces this week have featured actual rappers' beats, because I know how they go and can copy the shortcut on youtube without actually checking the vid. Complicated, I know haha. I only have to deal with this every other week though.

[Sam.]

If what you just said is true, then it's alright. But you need to take note of the other things that I said(fake it, twist it part).

Are you from UK? If yes, then I understand the flow and rhyming.

[Mr.DGAF]

I understand that part dude, with 10 days straight or so of writing, my creativity has faltered a bit. And nah, I'm from the U.S. haha. Can I ask what rhymes don't work for you? And I added a bit with a bit of an edited flow, maybe that can help.

[Atone]

had it's weak points and strong points, overall i liked this, i laughed at the Keyboard line cuz i could easily see that being used in a real battle

as i read this, i kinda got a feel for a Kendrick Lamar type flow, idk why, but with that said it was real good,

also reminds me of an Idea me and B-Nuts (JR) had for a collab similar to Dre and Em on I Need A Doctor where i would be talkin about the hate i get on these boards, in this your dissing yourself, which is odd, but a very original idea, which i like

[Sam.]

Sam is off his rocker like his grandmole tippin' over.

Menzo is my grandmole?

I understand that part dude, with 10 days straight or so of writing, my creativity has faltered a bit. And nah, I'm from the U.S. haha. Can I ask what rhymes don't work for you? And I added a bit with a bit of an edited flow, maybe that can help.

Fuck, I forgot that this was part of the experiment.

About the rhyming: The 1st bar had perfect rhyming, the 2nd bar was a stretch. The point over which you find me bitching is; I like those rhymes that hit me in the right way in the very 1st time I read it, I need not read it again to get it. I'm not saying that it reduces the quality of the verse but, for the reader it posses a problem. He has to get the rhyming done by the writer figured out, then try and flow it with the rest of the verse. Once that's figured, he has try and flow the whole thing just to get the vibe of verse. That's what I do, every time. If I find things like this, I point it out. It may not make a big difference to others, but for me, it does.

See the thing is, some of us write with a certain flow in their heads and the rhymes fall accordingly. Like, for Ex: Geno is a specialist in quick flows, so his rhymes are also placed very close to each other (Quick Rhyming). He know what he has written, if someone says something against something that he knows he has done well, he's bound to argue back. In his mind everything is fine, some might even relate to that, some won't. Similarly in this case also you wrote in accordance to your ways, I couldn't relate to that, while Geno could.

If you are still interested, I'll just point out the 2nd last bar as an primes example of what I call "Rhyming was on/off". That doesn't mean that they don't rhyme, okay?

[Mr.DGAF]

Yeah I definitely feel you dude. These are little things that help me improve, appreciate it. I'm very satisfied with the piece I'll be dropping today, hopefully it's better and well-rounded.