Tadpole #1

[tadpole25]

just a warmup - remember, just have fun

my rhymes are so sick, i'm so vile when i sling
a flurry of lines, a rush, like a vial, antidote from my throat
as you choke for a while, i laugh as i bring
a smile to your face, as i claim my crown as king
i spar with you for a while before i knock you out the ring
busting shots at ya feet, i'll make you dance and sing

word play is gay, and i don't need no corny puns
i dont need jesus savior, just give me some horny nuns
i'm not tryin to be a champion, against you zombies
yall sleepwalkin like ambien, yall as preppy as the suits,
the jews in armanis, so when you try to act ghetto,
you aint got nothin on me, yall fakers in candy land
maybe i'm not in reality, but i aint in it to win it
i'm not in it for salary, or pension but i'm in a dimension
beyond your comprehension

i rap - just cuz i can, i'm like encore
i make whores out of all of you stans

[Just Silver]

havent seen new writers in a while i really liked the flow its unique a lil messy here and there but creative

i need to write more shit as well overall keep it up and stay active

[tadpole25]

yea i know some parts of it are rough.

its literally a freestyle. i just kept typing and typing. and only gave myself like 30 seconds to proofread.

thanks for the support man

[tadpole25]

you hoppin on verse, ya bishhhh

[ChristinaE12]

Not bad if its just straight off the top. In a sense, as to just write and get things flowing.

I must say though on the very first line it aggravates me where you said the bolded part..

my rhymes are so sick, i'm so vile when i sling

I think even if you would have just said "spit" instead. It would sound a lot better. Maybe it's just me though. What do I know.

[Just Silver]

i personally like that it wasnt "spit" itd be sorta obvious in a weird way

[ChristinaE12]

Maybe something different even, other than spit/sling. But sling for some reason just doesn't sound right to me..

That is all it is though. Maybe it is only cause I was expecting something other than that. I don't know.

[tadpole25]

sling rhymes with the every last line in the rest of the first verse.

what i was trying to do, is skip that rhyme the next line to do other multis, and then return to the -ing rhyme after, but not too long after.

but then again i can see rhyme between spit and sick.

[Spyder]

need a link of feed