Eedee - "Breaking Free"

[Eedee]

LoF
Beat

*I have two verses written for this, but I'll just post the first seeing as how this will be going on one of my albums... whatever lol (I know this beat is popular and overused, but fuck it, I like it)

I wonder if I'd be worshiped if I wrote on papyrus,
Am I deluded to think that God is mentally a virus?
If I had solid evidence, I wish to break the silence,
I know my throat would try grips and take to violence.
Never been honest with my conscience now that college is upon us,
How bad would it be if you promise me you're on it?
The mission that I'm giving, just a small little favor,
Follow me to death or else you might fall with a traitor.
What's the reason that a thousand feet
above me I found the dreams looking down on me?
I hate these days - I'm Persephone,
When the ground opens up I'm faced with her enemy.
Hades has me caged in his evil deeds
Where the fruits of my labor's more wicked than people see.
I flee from the cackles as I'm bleeding from laughter
It's taken me far, I'm breakin' free from the shackles.

[CanadaPure]

I liked it. The rhyming was solid, and the flow was easy to find. Another solid drop, not that I'm surprised. You're an incredibly consistent writer.

[Eedee]

Thanks, man.

I think I'm going to start writing for something new tonight. I'm feeling good.

[CanadaPure]

Write your Sanatorium verse tbh.

[Eedee]

Shit, yeah.

I'll do it now.

[PAINKILLƎR]

Another great drop, flowed great, good concept. Can't wait to hear the whole thing.

[Eedee]

^ Thanks, yo.

[Spyder]

you obv know what your doing, this was short id like to see how the other two verses pick up.
nothing really different here, the topic was ok but even though i may not have seen it a thousand times
it feels like i have, if that makes sense...

the only thing i can say is use more of a vocab, not really "big" words but, "violence" and "silence" are so commonly rhymed together that i knew it was coming before i read the line. predictability isnt great...
just use different words and thatll help it deviate from others pieces

[J.R.]

I really, really liked it, content, multis, everything. You know that I like your work and you know you've got this down.

[Words]

Very nice, clean rhyming. Helped me find the flow of the verse really easily. I also like the references you made to greek mythology, I'm a fan of their myths. All around just a nice clean flowing piece, can't wait to see the other part to this and to hear it when its finished. Good Drop.

[Ka0t1c]

i did not understand this part: I hate these days - I'm Persephone

anyways i like how well you wrote the 1st four lines, but after that imo you forced rhymes and the story you were telling didn't have as much impact that i expected on this piece

[Kill You]

i did not understand this part: I hate these days - I'm Persephone

anyways i like how well you wrote the 1st four lines, but after that imo you forced rhymes and the story you were telling didn't have as much impact that i expected on this piece

I think it means because Persephone hated her marriage to Hades in Greek mythology or some shit like that.

Anyway this was good just needs to be a few bars longer imo. But you kept the rhyme scheme and concept pretty well.

[SliK]

You should be more specific. Abstract lines that are open to interpretation are very good here and there but you just dropped a whole verse. I'm not entirely sure what you're trying to say or the poin you want to make.

The rhyming was solid which made it very easy to flow. There's no denying that you have some talent, but I think instead of focusing on doing what you do best (abstract ideas and images) you should focus on what this lacks, a narrative or bigger picture.

I don't feed drops that I don't enjoy so don't take this as an attack, it's just honest constructive criticism which is what we should all be hoping for when we post.

[Eedee]

You should be more specific. Abstract lines that are open to interpretation are very good here and there but you just dropped a whole verse. I'm not entirely sure what you're trying to say or the poin you want to make.

The rhyming was solid which made it very easy to flow. There's no denying that you have some talent, but I think instead of focusing on doing what you do best (abstract ideas and images) you should focus on what this lacks, a narrative or bigger picture.

I don't feed drops that I don't enjoy so don't take this as an attack, it's just honest constructive criticism which is what we should all be hoping for when we post.

I finished the whole song, and this verse fits with the song's concept. Each verse builds up to a climatic third verse. This is the first verse to give the listener a feeling of emptiness and despair.

And it's funny you should say it's all abstract, tbh, because each verse gets more specific as the tension builds.

It's hard to gauge the overall song without having the other two verses, so I didn't take it as an attack lol.