The TRshady Forum became read-only in December 2014. The 10 year history will live on, in this archive.
Continue the discussion with the new home for the Eminem and Hip Hop discussion: HipHopShelter.com.

Paradise

Want to share a poem, story or a moving article? Share creative literature text here.

Paradise

Postby superman11 » Sep 12th, '13, 17:05

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=163615

Been posting a lot lately, feel like I'm the only one here, lol. Gonna slow up a bit, unless anyone wants to do a collab. Just lmk. Wanted to post something more serious with more to it different from my other stuff.

Written to Drake-Club Paradise (Hook is where beat drops and slows down). It's short for a full song cause it's a collab with my cousin, dont have his verses though. (2 years old btw)

Verse 1/
Sometimes I feel it's hard to live life to my potential,
than something hits me, this mic and instrumental.
I try to be influential, I write to keep it simple,
still i fight, all my might is with this pencil.
I'm glancing through a window of my soul,
hits me like a brick through a window when it's cold.
I'm feeling bitter and old, but stay strong like a soldier,
tell me youve been through this, and it's over.
The clock starts ticking, first breath first step,
the next one left leaves you closer to death
so I guess it's best that I seize the day
Live by example, yeah try and lead the way.
Break out this cage, and break these chains,
make a change, strive to escape the pain.

Hook/
Honestly, it's been a long road it seems,
never lost track of my hopes and dreams.
But all I crave is a place with an ocean breeze,
all I crave is a place with an ocean breeze.

Verse 2/
I swear it's toxic, everyone I talk with has lost it,
I'm cautious, hold this emotion locked in.
But I'm still here at the end making this music,
stayin positive and just put my mind to it.
I'll do it believe it yourself were just human,
not fat sheep who just seek the wealth.
Fuck the greed, give to those that need the help.
I don't do it for the game, dont need the belt,
these words are my lifeline i need my health.
I'll take this world I swear if I gotta do it myself..
[quick break]
Til i Wake up in the morning its a beautiful thing,
birds chirping on the pane, nothing new to a king
A few of ‘em sing, the others start using their wings,
Just to fly away in this beautiful view that I’m seeing.
Then I wake up to this life that I’m truthfully living
Hoping dreams, in reality, will come through for a visit.
But who am I kidding? I’m dodging thugs, shooters, and prison,
fools too blind to see the loops in the system.
Hostile it seems, it'll make you holler and scream
Till it probably seems that you will only prosper in dreams.
So follow ‘em please, cause that assumption is correct
If you trying to be the one then start to go for the best,
If you seek hope, than don’t run from distress.
You gotta fight it out, let your heart pump through your flesh.
I'm still searching for those dreams that are picture perfect,
achieving goals, which i try to percieve with purpose.
But as for right now, this pen and pad got me sleepy,
but underneath it, I'm 21 yrs old still dreaming.

Hook/
Honestly, it's been a long road it seems,
never lost track of my hopes and dreams.
But all I crave is a place with an ocean breeze,
all I crave is a place with an ocean breeze.
Image
User avatar
superman11
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 980
Joined: Jul 16th, '13, 20:27
Location: On a laptop in my back pocket
Gender: Male

Re: Paradise

Postby Flamez » Sep 13th, '13, 19:06

Nice I liked it and it flowed as well. I liked the hook too.
Image
User avatar
Flamez
Band Leader
Band Leader
 
Posts: 5673
Joined: Sep 6th, '06, 15:55
Gender: Male

Re: Paradise

Postby FAME » Sep 14th, '13, 02:04

I tried singing out the hook and it sounds super catchy. I like the mood of the song and there are some really good rhymes in there.

This was probably my favorite line

Hostile it seems, it'll make you holler and scream
Till it probably seems that you will only prosper in dreams.
User avatar
FAME
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 1087
Joined: Sep 19th, '09, 14:52
Gender: Female

Re: Paradise

Postby Eedee » Sep 14th, '13, 06:12

Whew, this is straight emotional fire. I love those schemes at the beginning, hot damn.

I like the transitions into each bar, it's a nice train of thought you just kept going, ya know? Good shit.

My favorite part:

Hostile it seems, it'll make you holler and scream
Till it probably seems that you will only prosper in dreams.


Smooth as a baby's ass.
Image
mdemaz wrote:dam
User avatar
Eedee
Eye-Raping-Fudgepop
Eye-Raping-Fudgepop
 
Posts: 11719
Joined: Aug 7th, '11, 06:11
Location: Free food
Gender: Male

Re: Paradise

Postby enjinn » Sep 15th, '13, 19:26

very good rhymes and flow...i really enjoyed reading this...you got skillz :)
each one teaches one
User avatar
enjinn
Trailer Trash
Trailer Trash
 
Posts: 309
Joined: Aug 28th, '08, 06:00
Location: germany
Gender: Male

Re: Paradise

Postby sneakerheadshady » Sep 20th, '13, 21:52

hey man ill collab with you. pm me
Image
#Silver #Rolly #bigray #Pain #flamez #charlotte #Hage #Samantha #guilty #eedee #horsefam #snake #raul #EG
horse wrote:You’ll never go gold, that’s why you’re just silver

Sneakerheads check out the sneaker thread!
viewtopic.php?f=29&t=164272&start=15
User avatar
sneakerheadshady
Role Model
Role Model
 
Posts: 3476
Joined: Sep 16th, '13, 22:31
Location: @jaredthelamp (instagram)
Gender: Male

Re: Paradise

Postby sneakerheadshady » Sep 20th, '13, 21:55

but btw i really like this song, its really deep, kinda song that makes you think about the lyrics
Image
#Silver #Rolly #bigray #Pain #flamez #charlotte #Hage #Samantha #guilty #eedee #horsefam #snake #raul #EG
horse wrote:You’ll never go gold, that’s why you’re just silver

Sneakerheads check out the sneaker thread!
viewtopic.php?f=29&t=164272&start=15
User avatar
sneakerheadshady
Role Model
Role Model
 
Posts: 3476
Joined: Sep 16th, '13, 22:31
Location: @jaredthelamp (instagram)
Gender: Male


Return to Creative Writing



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users

cron