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Showbiz (Freestyle)

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Re: Showbiz (Freestyle)

Postby Eedee » Sep 20th, '13, 11:12

I spew seed then proceed to smoke some blue weed
A new breed, I'm on speed, doped up like Lou Reed


I liked the rhyming here, despite the end rhymes not matching syllable wise. It could've been even longer, but you threw that "like" in there. This could've worked too:

I spew seed then proceed to smoke some nice blue weed
A new breed, I'm on speed, doped up like Lou Reed


Otherwise, this was a nice piece. Especially for your first time (posting at least). Tons of references haha
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Re: Showbiz (Freestyle)

Postby Eedee » Sep 20th, '13, 11:30

Yeah I got the Parks and Rec one, I don't watch GoT so... haha.

And yes, you have my permission. :coffee:
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Re: Showbiz (Freestyle)

Postby mdemaz » Sep 20th, '13, 11:35

You have a rather intelligent writing style.

Just work on counting syllables and you should be good to go.

Keep it up.
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