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The Write Brothers - sneaker, diaze, silver

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Re: The Write Brothers - sneaker, diaze, silver

Postby Snakebeast » Nov 27th, '13, 15:09

Last bump then new project

I know. I'm joking. I'll actually provide feed in about an hour.
Last edited by Snakebeast on Nov 27th, '13, 15:12, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: The Write Brothers - sneaker, diaze, silver

Postby Just Silver » Nov 27th, '13, 15:10

Seriously need feed don't be a dick in this section
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Re: The Write Brothers - sneaker, diaze, silver

Postby Snakebeast » Nov 27th, '13, 16:24

Here's your feed, Silver. Quit bitching :shifty:

Diaze:

At first glance, it seemed like your verse had very simplistic rhyming (militant/immigrant), but after another look, I spotted a lot more.

Some lines I liked (rhyming wise):

Now I'm seen as a diligent migrant
Who sparked a mainstream incident


Content wise, it's pretty good. No corny/cheesy lines, though, as stated by others, there's really no need to use the same Cobain punchline twice in the same verse.

Some lines I liked (content wise):

Covered Mila Kunis in some of that Jewish ectoplasm
I see it as a learning curve
Diss rappers in my rhymes best served
Like a struck a raw nerve inside their spinal curve


Those last lines kind of bug me though.

Im an upgrade from Macklemore
And Vanilla Ice


Exactly what do Macklemore and Vanilla Ice have in common? Besides them both being white.

Sneaker:

Your writing sucks. Fix it.

Nah, I'm kidding. Now to be serious:

You seem to get better and better with every verse. There's some good rhyming in here.

How I started writing, this story is close to me
it’s how I became who I was supposed to be


My rap style is kinda like flying kites,
The other rappers are just alright


That said, there are a couple of lines where I think you could've put in a multi but didn't.

there’s a lot of important shit that I rely upon
but without any of y'all I couldn’t have written this song


Instead of the second line, you could've done something like

Without y'all, I wouldn't have wanted to write this song

But overall, good stuff.

Content wise, I found this verse to be less violent (as opposed to Diaz's) and more inspirational and motivational, which is good. Variety is something to be praised.

Some lines I liked:

hanging out here all day long,
finally able write my wrongs,
Without writing I wouldn’t have known where I belong.


Silver:

There's a lot less rhyming in this verse than I usually see from you, which is actually a plus, since rhyming less seemed to give you more freedom content-wise (from what I can see at least).

Some lines I liked (rhyming-wise):

Introduced by my faggot Cousin some irony
Used to listen to rock but I liked the rhyming themes


As stated above, you really went above and beyond in terms of content with this verse. I'm impressed. Interesting story about your experience with Eminem and rap in general.

Some lines I liked (content-wise):

Getting better year by year from day to night
Megabyte to gigabytes till I spit it right
I'll be forever nice practice makes perfect
But remember nobody's perfect just put work in


In conclusion, I really enjoyed your stuff, guys. Keep writing :y:
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Re: The Write Brothers - sneaker, diaze, silver

Postby SpiderDiaze » Nov 27th, '13, 16:41

Wow, nice feedback Snake bro! Appreciate it.
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Spins a web, any size.
Catches thieves- just like flies.
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Re: The Write Brothers - sneaker, diaze, silver

Postby Just Silver » Nov 27th, '13, 17:00

Thanks guy best feed yet
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Re: The Write Brothers - sneaker, diaze, silver

Postby sneakerheadshady » Nov 28th, '13, 04:05

Only good feed on this. Thanks fam! Finally I feel like I got genuine feed
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#Silver #Rolly #bigray #Pain #flamez #charlotte #Hage #Samantha #guilty #eedee #horsefam #snake #raul #EG
horse wrote:You’ll never go gold, that’s why you’re just silver

Sneakerheads check out the sneaker thread!
viewtopic.php?f=29&t=164272&start=15
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Re: The Write Brothers - sneaker, diaze, silver

Postby IBasicallyRage » Dec 2nd, '13, 03:53

Lmao I loved this. Really good. Awesome Kunis line.
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Re: The Write Brothers - sneaker, diaze, silver

Postby sneakerheadshady » Dec 2nd, '13, 12:34

IBasicallyRage wrote:Lmao I loved this. Really good. Awesome Kunis line.

lol thanks… its a shame, diazepam got banned… he was a good writer too
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#Silver #Rolly #bigray #Pain #flamez #charlotte #Hage #Samantha #guilty #eedee #horsefam #snake #raul #EG
horse wrote:You’ll never go gold, that’s why you’re just silver

Sneakerheads check out the sneaker thread!
viewtopic.php?f=29&t=164272&start=15
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