The TRshady Forum became read-only in December 2014. The 10 year history will live on, in this archive.
Continue the discussion with the new home for the Eminem and Hip Hop discussion: HipHopShelter.com.

A bit random..

Want to share a poem, story or a moving article? Share creative literature text here.

A bit random..

Postby Flamez » Mar 15th, '14, 01:31

LOF: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=170131&start=15#p2607739

Walking around the block I hear gunshots from the local library
Bystanders silently start taking pictures like some sneaky paparazzi
Next door is an elementary school filled with stupid kids
Sixth grade chicks acting like bitches that fit right in the mix
Its symbolic in today’s fucked up society filled with stupid shit
teenagers sayin’ I quit my job it sucks fuckin’ just deal with it
and listening to garbage radio music from that little cunt Bieber, fuck Justin
and miley cyrus’s ass looks like uncut foreskin it’s fuckin’ disgusting
I remember the ratchet bitch in hannah montana used to be attractive
I was attracted sat on the couch pulled my shorts down and masturbated
I was so active felt so alive pulling that dick like a silly putty
A chubby kid with a naughty grin watching the teletubbies
Fuck my penis worked harder than a bitch at the gym takin’ selfies…
Image
User avatar
Flamez
Band Leader
Band Leader
 
Posts: 5673
Joined: Sep 6th, '06, 15:55
Gender: Male

Re: A bit random..

Postby HotDawg » Mar 15th, '14, 02:01

lolllllllllllllll nice
Image
Image
User avatar
HotDawg
Trailer Trash
Trailer Trash
 
Posts: 302
Joined: Apr 7th, '13, 03:42
Location: Sweet Carolina

Re: A bit random..

Postby Just Silver » Mar 15th, '14, 02:25

Pretty decent had a shaky start with flow then got better still had good choice of words and such

A little on the short side but it was still something haven't seen u write for a while
Overall nice shit just try to shorten some bars well unless it's necessary for a long flow
Image
User avatar
Just Silver
Band Leader
Band Leader
 
Posts: 7791
Joined: Jun 27th, '09, 03:40
Location: East Coast
Gender: Male

Re: A bit random..

Postby Flamez » Mar 16th, '14, 17:26

thanks man and will try that haha
Image
User avatar
Flamez
Band Leader
Band Leader
 
Posts: 5673
Joined: Sep 6th, '06, 15:55
Gender: Male

Re: A bit random..

Postby Spyder » Mar 19th, '14, 00:54

Obviously just a joke piece but, didn't really incorporate much multies in there and the rhyming was pretty basic. Nothing really made me laugh and this was essentially a comedy piece. Keep at it though.
ImageImageImage
User avatar
Spyder
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 9418
Joined: Jan 31st, '09, 01:56
Location: El Dorado
Gender: Male


Return to Creative Writing



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users