Adventure of monkey trains, an old write.

[Sobecaspur]

http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=171177&p=2660826#p2660826

The AdVentuRe Of MonkEy TrainS

Wishing I Could Come To Your Guys Show,

being upset b/c it Rains and blows.

spinning 160's he begins to Laugh,

Brand new to game, to take it twice.

backing homeboys slice

"YES I CaN"

Last Nights, fortune Cookies bliss,

Lies criticize only to miss.

Dis-gain and concertedness wept,

Lasting tricks letting me be,

So i can smoke some Green.

Because I'm hooked on Phonics,

with a will to prevail.

Quickness wrapped thick in karma,

entwining arms I'm Going to See,

Getting prepared to be free'd.

Pitch Forks being thrown,

at your own wounded flesh..

Holding-up stick's up under your arms,

creator don't be late. wait!

Who is that?; gun Glowing bright,

to disguise the devil's eyes.

she grows wings, Concealed tight thigh's,

with the exception of the blinded girl.

Who fell in love, graced in the SUN.

"Fuck tHe WoRLD"

she says as looking at him loading a gun.

oh darling I fear,

would've been on time.

Cause I'd cry so fast holding,the wrath.

His body all bloody and flashed.

Finally the opening of her eye's,

to thank God he hadn't passed.

Without all of This rain,

I felt all of his pain.

Coming up and being me achieved;

winding words that splurged dedication,

"the undying seed".

"In life and Love its a condom's trust,

But who tops the Train to desire when they ae lost?

Lust caused to mark and slain;

"ThiS AdVenTuRe Of MonkEy TraIns"

In the swang swang she got sprung,

and wanted a gun.

Can't swing to well,

but "SPUNG" made barbed wire Expel.

Music, Is a Scene.

The sugar plumbs are still dancing by the sea,

Big waves come crashing; so why arn't we?

With de-nailing street signs of Thrillsville and speed.

So she taunt's him,

Only not to "fuck up his Game"

Just in need of his protection,

and It was such a shame.

[Just Silver]

Very interesting definitely not rap

More like sporadic imagery and tiny metaphors

Structure needs work but with this type of writing it may work for u better
Not totally coherent but def a spaced out drug type writing I'm feeling here

[Sobecaspur]

i just was being creative, but your right.

[gutawafang]

I mean, there are rhymes but the whole thing sounded like a poem. And the unnecessary CAPS for many words...

The title was attractive. I suggest you work on structure. I suggest you write to a beat.

[shadyblogger]

Interesting... Kinda disjointed but I guess that's alright, a lot of my work can be awkward in spots and disjointed.

Interesting though