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L.O.S

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L.O.S

Postby Just Silver » May 17th, '14, 06:07

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=171369

I try to live my life, but always was the nice guy
Pay the rent even when the price high, im quite high
Never split properly, end up with nothin in my pockets
Somethings up but im just calm and keep walkin
These are my friends, so im loyal to the end
To the soil when im dead,but they toil with my head
Jabs and insults counting as jokes,leech till im broke
society wonderin why this weeds gotta be smoked
Gotta cope, no suicide ive got no rope
Do or die till i find a new road, i just need a safe home
Biting the hand that feeds you, like a bad pet, mad stress
I just wanna leave but the loyalty fills my chest
can't let my only friends be home-less
Are these my true friends or oppon-ents?
they just want my money and shelter to keepem goin?
Jealousy and anger stays flowing like an ocean
Actually asked why i try to save cash, and what was spoken
"Why are you saving money"? cause its something most wont do
i only have about three hundred, keep it running that mouth
Can make you lose your only house, remember i hold this down
You can move outta town im a king with a fuckin crown
Sick of all this weed around, it makes us all lethargic
motivation lost in these condo apartments, depression in the woods
Stores a mile and a half away, try to have some faith
Everything takes time ill be in a better place
Know that im ahead of these fakes, i may be last in the race
But the nice guy will laugh in your face hes on his hundredth lap today
Last edited by Just Silver on May 17th, '14, 13:01, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Annoyance

Postby shadyblogger » May 17th, '14, 06:10

I liked the first half as far as flow/rhyming/content and then the hyphenated parts threw me off and I had trouble getting back into it... But the last couple lines were neat. Good stuff though!
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Re: Annoyance

Postby Just Silver » May 17th, '14, 06:12

thanx guy it was really personal so it may not be perfectly flowing

but its all real emotion
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Re: Annoyance

Postby shadyblogger » May 17th, '14, 06:36

Just Silver wrote:thanx guy it was really personal so it may not be perfectly flowing

but its all real emotion


:y:
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Re: Loyalty or Sanity

Postby cement » May 17th, '14, 11:29

nice shit
bump
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Re: L.O.S

Postby shadyblogger » May 17th, '14, 16:30

Those title changes lol
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Re: L.O.S

Postby Just Silver » May 17th, '14, 16:47

ya lol its weird i feel like they'd read it even though they're oblivious to this forum :sweating:
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Re: L.O.S

Postby Just Silver » May 18th, '14, 22:43

Bump
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Re: L.O.S

Postby gutawafang » May 19th, '14, 00:19

Storytelling is not bad man. Flow could be improved. Some nice rhymes too at the beginning. I don't particularly like the "flow like an ocean" line. That line sucks.

And yeah, your flow faded as the piece progressed. Otherwise, not a bad read man.
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Re: L.O.S

Postby shadyblogger » May 19th, '14, 02:21

gutawafang wrote:Storytelling is not bad man. Flow could be improved. Some nice rhymes too at the beginning. I don't particularly like the "flow like an ocean" line. That line sucks.

And yeah, your flow faded as the piece progressed. Otherwise, not a bad read man.


Completely agree :y:
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Re: L.O.S

Postby mdemaz » May 19th, '14, 02:30

Emotional piece, man.

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Just Silver wrote:I think every guy should massage their prostate at least once

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Re: L.O.S

Postby shadyblogger » May 19th, '14, 02:32

mdemaz wrote:Emotional piece, man.

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Don't cry baby
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Re: L.O.S

Postby mdemaz » May 19th, '14, 02:47

Don't you dare fucking lecture me, Blogs McGooch.
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Just Silver wrote:I think every guy should massage their prostate at least once

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Re: L.O.S

Postby gutawafang » May 19th, '14, 02:49

Much spam. I'mma ban y'all.
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Re: L.O.S

Postby shadyblogger » May 19th, '14, 02:51

gutawafang wrote:Much spam. I'mma ban y'all.


:'(
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