The TRshady Forum became read-only in December 2014. The 10 year history will live on, in this archive.
Continue the discussion with the new home for the Eminem and Hip Hop discussion: HipHopShelter.com.

The fallback

Want to share a poem, story or a moving article? Share creative literature text here.

The fallback

Postby Just Silver » Oct 9th, '14, 23:59

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=172638 feed


Buzzed out of my lightyear , blue eyes and white ears
Feel like the whole room is spinning, but I'm right here
Four loko fruit punch, like which fruit should I punch
Some queer, around here about to get a cut and tear
Torn up, as I turn up like the volume is at it's lowest
Waving a gat sporadically like a retarded composer
And I just started, just imagine my motive
When you were to grow up but dads ashes in the ocean
And moms still living, but she's known as the pig
So I step on eggshells till I groan and im pissed
Because I know, I know, life shouldn't be like this
But it's the luck of the draw, and the cards I'm holdin
Not a pair or an ace, just despair in my place
I've been trying to chase, but all I'm buying is eigths
Just to get above the lows but I'm jogging in place
But my mind straight wanders, like shits outerspace
And when reality sets in I want to fry up and bake
I'm tired of the fakes, yet I can be fake myself
Just to numb life and enjoy my health
But with all these drugs I'm probably destroying it as well
Doing the type of shit that'll never sit on a shelf
I just want some help, God where's my guidance
On point like tridents when I'm rhymin, I need someone behind me
To catch me, when I fall back and collapse
All I have is myself and this fucking notepad
Image
User avatar
Just Silver
Band Leader
Band Leader
 
Posts: 7791
Joined: Jun 27th, '09, 03:40
Location: East Coast
Gender: Male

Re: The fallback

Postby shadyblogger » Oct 10th, '14, 00:00

Nice pacing and lyricism was cool. Good piece brah
User avatar
shadyblogger
Under The Influence
Under The Influence
 
Posts: 4145
Joined: Nov 19th, '13, 02:50
Gender: Male

Re: The fallback

Postby Just Silver » Oct 10th, '14, 00:02

Fastest feed ever lol thanks I think
Image
User avatar
Just Silver
Band Leader
Band Leader
 
Posts: 7791
Joined: Jun 27th, '09, 03:40
Location: East Coast
Gender: Male

Re: The fallback

Postby shadyblogger » Oct 10th, '14, 00:03

Lol I read it kinda quickly tbh. Need to go back again and slower aha
User avatar
shadyblogger
Under The Influence
Under The Influence
 
Posts: 4145
Joined: Nov 19th, '13, 02:50
Gender: Male

Re: The fallback

Postby Just Silver » Oct 10th, '14, 00:07

Please do lol

I like when someone picks out a certain line they like
Image
User avatar
Just Silver
Band Leader
Band Leader
 
Posts: 7791
Joined: Jun 27th, '09, 03:40
Location: East Coast
Gender: Male

Re: The fallback

Postby shadyblogger » Oct 10th, '14, 00:12

I like the not a pair or an ace and buy is eigths line
User avatar
shadyblogger
Under The Influence
Under The Influence
 
Posts: 4145
Joined: Nov 19th, '13, 02:50
Gender: Male

Re: The fallback

Postby Just Silver » Oct 10th, '14, 00:16

Thanks guy
Image
User avatar
Just Silver
Band Leader
Band Leader
 
Posts: 7791
Joined: Jun 27th, '09, 03:40
Location: East Coast
Gender: Male

Re: The fallback

Postby runSA » Oct 11th, '14, 01:39

Good lyricism
"This world is mine for the taking, make me king as we move toward a new world order"
-Eminem
RIP TR 2005-2014
We live on at http://www.hiphopshelter.com
User avatar
runSA
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 501
Joined: Aug 30th, '14, 22:46
Location: Long Island
Gender: Male

Re: The fallback

Postby Just Silver » Oct 11th, '14, 01:56

Thanks guy
Image
User avatar
Just Silver
Band Leader
Band Leader
 
Posts: 7791
Joined: Jun 27th, '09, 03:40
Location: East Coast
Gender: Male

Re: The fallback

Postby JaredLee » Oct 11th, '14, 05:11

Wow, this is really good. I'm looking forward to hearing more, man. :)
JaredLee
Closet Cleaner
Closet Cleaner
 
Posts: 5
Joined: May 9th, '14, 01:24

Re: The fallback

Postby Just Silver » Oct 11th, '14, 14:29

Thanks guy
Image
User avatar
Just Silver
Band Leader
Band Leader
 
Posts: 7791
Joined: Jun 27th, '09, 03:40
Location: East Coast
Gender: Male

Re: The fallback

Postby Mr Change » Oct 26th, '14, 07:39

Really good piece. Flowed perfectly on first read which doesn't happen a lot for me when I read someone a written verse. :y:

"Waving a gat sporadically like a retarded composer"

reminded me of something Em would've said back in the day :laughing:
Image
jinofthewind wrote:And Koolo's sources said... Nothing you idiots Koolo's sources are dead they're locked in my basement

"Soon as I stopped saying I gave a fuck
Haters started to appreciate my art
And it just breaks my heart to look at all the pain I caused
But what am I gonna do when the rage is gone?
And the lights go out in that trailer park?"
User avatar
Mr Change
Under The Influence
Under The Influence
 
Posts: 4397
Joined: Jun 16th, '11, 03:21
Gender: Male

Re: The fallback

Postby Trimss » Oct 27th, '14, 01:16

All JS needed to get feedback was getting banned lmao
Image
Ten toes down motherfucker I'm all in #Slumerican Team
TRShady is shutting down so you better move there:
www.HipHopShelter.com
User avatar
Trimss
Bad Influence
Bad Influence
 
Posts: 17801
Joined: May 1st, '10, 18:10
Location: The Motor City
Gender: Male

Re: The fallback

Postby LogTrach » Oct 28th, '14, 20:37

good! i like it!
#Stans
User avatar
LogTrach
Closet Cleaner
Closet Cleaner
 
Posts: 11
Joined: Oct 28th, '14, 09:25

Re: The fallback

Postby Minimii » Nov 7th, '14, 23:58

back in the day when the creative writing was full of "just silver" i would crie endlessly but these days your stuff is enjoyable to read actually. You have really improved doe, good floe especially good floe m8
Cause you'll never take my pride from me
It'll have to be bribed from me"
- marshall "sellout" mathers
User avatar
Minimii
Trailer Trash
Trailer Trash
 
Posts: 388
Joined: Nov 18th, '12, 16:31


Return to Creative Writing



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Baidu [Spider]

cron