The TRshady Forum became read-only in December 2014. The 10 year history will live on, in this archive.
Continue the discussion with the new home for the Eminem and Hip Hop discussion: HipHopShelter.com.

HI im NEW TO RAP AND I

Want to share a poem, story or a moving article? Share creative literature text here.

HI im NEW TO RAP AND I

Postby Minimii » Nov 8th, '14, 00:06

wrote this verse here and its not very coherent but i done my best

im bad?
give me a pen and i write some rhymes on this pad
and sell it for 500 and buy an ipad
throw it outta the window because fuck apple
i still use floppy disks to differ from this rabble
go with the flow is the motto of the decade
why im i even trying when the culture has decayed
lying there dying under vultures while im giving cpr
i dont appreciate your blindness to the depth of my art
i listen to mozart, feel the vibes then go hard
when i spit with the other end and go smart
this bitch is sucking my dick so hard that it pulled her rib cage apart
one day i was bumbing beethoven while solving the rubik's cube
beat woven into lyrics pop in my head, im good as new
i grab the mic again this time im high on vicodin
but the real problem is i have no audience
fuck compliments i spit it 100 and 10 %
pace is set, so keep up or save your breath
i dont expect less than what i can give
you better deliver or i take you to where i have been
bottom layer of hell, better rule there than serve in heaven
thats why i sin, thats why i committed all the seven
i dont believe in god but the chance is there
i have problem with authority so i better prepare
when i get to satan i will give him an ultimatum
"leave or else", i wasted all my creativity on these lyrics

[hookie]
fuck all the rappers, in the business
dead or alive, you all my bitches
die fools die, i got better opinions
you're not worthy, of my dominion

oh yeah and link of dick
viewtopic.php?f=24&t=174315
im a fucking genius for this
Cause you'll never take my pride from me
It'll have to be bribed from me"
- marshall "sellout" mathers
User avatar
Minimii
Trailer Trash
Trailer Trash
 
Posts: 388
Joined: Nov 18th, '12, 16:31

Re: HI im NEW TO RAP AND I

Postby Just Silver » Nov 23rd, '14, 20:45

This was halfway decent and was surprising since the last piece I saw was basically a bad joke

Flow is basic but gets the job done and is pretty good for a first time writer
Could've had a better concept or train of thought but I'd rather it be a bunch of ok random lines like I do
Rather than a long non cohesive story

Overall I'm impressed for this somewhat serious attempt good shit
Image
User avatar
Just Silver
Band Leader
Band Leader
 
Posts: 7791
Joined: Jun 27th, '09, 03:40
Location: East Coast
Gender: Male

Re: HI im NEW TO RAP AND I

Postby Atone » Nov 24th, '14, 01:11

this was alright, kind of made me laugh cuz at times i felt like it didn't make sense, the ipad thing almost lost me cuz you rhymes pad with pad, but i kept goin anyways, keep trying, try to come up with something that won't lose people in the beginning
Image
User avatar
Atone
Under The Influence
Under The Influence
 
Posts: 4855
Joined: Jun 1st, '10, 08:47
Gender: Male


Return to Creative Writing



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users