Rap for my Girlfriend

[soperman005]

The first time I saw you,
And you spoke it was like the volume
Of ur voice intensified and I listened,
For the fisrt time, and I invisioned
Us livin' together, then u left, missin'
In that dream and then I felt imprisoned.
I insist on reminiscin' on our history
Because without the past life is misery.
The first day we kissed exists visually
In my head and I think of it ritually.
Without your presence, the very essence
Of any hope I even have lessens.
When I'm with you, you set me free,
That's why I never want you to leave.
I love you Janine, way more than you see;
I'll unconditionally love you, profusely
Without you, I'm sad, sullen like a drought,
The best in me was hidden but you're pulling it out.
I have no doubt about my life now,
Your gracefulness assures me I'm on the right route.
You're a gift from above who introduced me to love,
Showed me my blueprint so I knew what I was made of.
I can't live without you: for you I am desperate
My source of happiness, your absence leaves me desolate.
Ther'e no way to inform you of such true allegiance
So I'll abandon this expression of contented deviance

This is my finished (finally... lol) rap for my girlfriend. I would like to hear some feedback.. Thanks.

[soperman005]

Gimme some dang feedback!

[katastrophe]

seriously that was awesome homie. i really liked that and im sure ur gf will like it too. when u read it to her, ur gonna get some mad pussy that night homie. shes gonna be like "oh just fuck me right now!" but for real man, that was really good

[Mc Cubz]

dats DEEP

[soperman005]

more feedback por favor??

[PmT-Faith]

Its nice shell liek it i think, this was a good line "Without you, I'm sad, sullen like a drought,
The best in me was hidden but you're pulling it out"

keep it up Pce