I wrote this in church - 2nd try please give feedback

[Cartman]

I wrote this in church on Sunday - somehow I just decided to go back to who I am for real - not caring what others think...im new to this so please help me out!

Ima be the man standing in the lion's cage//
Ima be the man to start a brand new page//
Ima be the homie who will break down all the walls//
Ima be a true hero and sacrifice it all//

So the question is not whether you believe it true//
The question is if you'll help me if I asked you to//
Semper fidelis brother, never leave a man behind//
Look up, push up, pull up and feel my bleeding hand//

It's been coming for a while now, ten plus eleven years//
Ive passed the school of hard knocks and conquered all my fears//
Never been the type of guy to back down when it's hard//
Stand up, straight up, fight back ive got my fathers smart//

(Chorus)
I feel that life is changin , the wheel turnin as we stand//
Every father, child and homeboy needs a helping hand
So be all that you can and become yourself right now//
Be a fuckin soldier and don't care which people frown//

[Inzanity]

that was pretty good for some1 whos just starting, it could use some work like multis and stuff but other then that it was pretty good.

[2 DeeP]

thats very good for your first time an yoo did it in church

[Cartman]

Thanx for the feed appreciate it!

[shady_50_for life_420]

i really like that a lot. masterpiece to me

[C-Game]

nice stuff man considerin this to be ur first
work on some multis

[Kez]

Classing it as your first or for you being new it's very good.
You've got the flow right and the structure, so the only thing you gotta strengthen is your multis and shit.

Keep working.