My second rap (white christmas)

by **runnerup** » Dec 22nd, '06, 05:53

hey wrote some deep shit for the last 2hours and want some feedback.
This is the second rap i ever wrote

Every girl in this world wake up nervous and twirled
longing for her hurly Earl wishin he bought her that pearl
when she didn't get her pearl she got into a rage causing the world to swirl
leavin him claiming he's aged, divorce paper say
he was bein swayed, unfaithful and gay
he say fuck it and throws it away
bitch u aint got to stay
i only used u to get layed, im wealthy and payed

ten years ago could barely go through the snow
this year i shed a tear, all they think about is the dough
what are we doin to our polarbears, this progres aint slow
our environment is dyin this is our heredit we should take care of it
i look on the ground and i can't see one single snowflake
there's no ice on the lake it's all a mistake
we didn't think this was something we could brake
for christ sake the world is awake it's not a cake to 'shake 'n bake'
we must make a statement, this issue is of big weight
the world is just one big dent, we need to make this alright
it's a must for a white christmas, stand up and unite!

feedback please.