my third rap (feedback please)

by **runnerup** » Dec 24th, '06, 09:43

hey, just wrote this in like 15min to the Shake That beat. leave feedback please.

hoe hoe hoe let's get the show on the road
looj who's knockin on the door, come in bring the dough
fo sho, bonnie & clyde? don't need a bitch by my side
ridin straped with my nine, but girl ur divine
got hoes in a line, taste like california wine
reaching for my shirt, what more u gonna try
teeny teeny skirt temtin like a frozen dessert
playin that toe-flirt, damn ur really overt
prayin in the church do a little soulsearch
research and go hit the dirt, go berserk
ur in my thought's girl even at work
take you to a concert ur on the alert
lookin out the window point out the perverts
find another hoe makin love a joint
rubin my groin u beg me to join

by **Inzanity** » Dec 24th, '06, 15:50

ok good verse but weird concept anyway for the most part I like it

by **Kojack** » Dec 24th, '06, 15:54

blshit

by **,-,'-{Bar}-',-,** » Dec 24th, '06, 16:04

Kojack wrote:blshit

if you just goni say bullshit at everyhting dont bother posting

by **Semper Fidelis** » Dec 24th, '06, 16:23

runnerup wrote:hey, just wrote this in like 15min to the Shake That beat. leave feedback please.

hoe hoe hoe let's get the show on the road
look who's knockin the door, come in bring the dough
bonnie & clyde? don't need a bitch by my side
ridin straped with my nine, but girl u divine
got hoes on a line, taste like california wine
reachin for my shirt, what more u gonna try?
teeny teeny skirt temtin like frozen dessert
playin that toe-flirt, damn ur really overt
prayin in the curch do a little soulsearch
research and then hit the dirt, go berserk
ur in my thought's even when im at work
take u to a concert ur on the alert
lookin out the window point out the perverts
find another bitch make lovin a joint
watchin while u make eachother squirt

I think you rap about ho's and being thougt things like i am good this and that.
I hope you rap about other things in the future like politics or your own situation @ home, that adds more of you into it.
I don't think you got ho's and shit at home.

About the rhyme ya got nice vocabulary but somethings to rhyme comes to soon. Line after line with rhyme, leave space and maby you can try to keep 1 scheme in your rhyme.

You asked for feedback, don't take this hard on yourself.
don't take it light too

Greets,
Keep on devellopin'

by **ShadyAngel** » Dec 24th, '06, 16:31

i dont really like derogative rpas about women, hoes or no hoes, but its alright as they go.

by **,-,'-{Bar}-',-,** » Dec 24th, '06, 18:14

basically recycled rap , hoes and stuff just boring subject unless you add great rythming to it and lots of humor....witch you dont.....keep it up though :8)

by **runnerup** » Dec 24th, '06, 18:42

im not really in to this pimp hoe bitch shit i just had a lack of motivation and was listening to the shake that remix and just thought i should try write sometin like that. if u read my first 2 raps u see that i write mostly about my struggles and the environment.

by **Semper Fidelis** » Dec 24th, '06, 22:00

runnerup wrote:im not really in to this pimp hoe bitch shit i just had a lack of motivation and was listening to the shake that remix and just thought i should try write sometin like that. if u read my first 2 raps u see that i write mostly about my struggles and the environment.

Yes, i know what you mean. I can get it. I think you need to show the world a other side of you, change your anger in love? I wasn't critisiing the writing, the writing was good.
Just talking about the meaing/substance.

my third rap (feedback please)

my third rap (feedback please)

Re: my third rap (feedback please)

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