Champion

[JMG]

they say home is where the heart is but its where i lost mine
i try my hardest but regardless they always cross the line
i think i need a steppin stone to get my life on track
fuck the world every one i let to close puts a knife in my back
thats why i dont let a soul stand behind or by me
fuck this whole damn society just a lone man tryin to see
but the anxeity and stress is blindin me but i guess i need my privacy
and yes i go though lots of shit my self confidence is droppin quick
and i alarmed the rate if it gets any lower i might harm my fate
and end tommrow before day starts to break but its hard to say
im caught in this tide an i need to broden my horizon
to look up to see the sun instead of this coffin that i lie in
but the hell i take for tryin to evlavate my self and make
a belt to raise cuz i cant take to lose and i aint makin moves
im stiff as a mannequin but in my hand this pen
makes me feel like a champion and a man again

[JMG]

thanks

[Tash8]

you post a lot of shit in here you can't expect to get feed everytime..

anyways it was good

[JMG]

thanks and i no

[James R.]

Lines 8 and 14 didnt rhyme with any other lines, I see there was some rhyming in the lines themselves, but try to stay away from that. It's ok in audio, but it's confusing in text ya know. The flow was decent but could be a lil better. BEst advice for that is try to stay with a similar number of syllables your lines or just write to a beat. Next thing is the multies. You didn't really have any authentic ones, maybe a few, but I could see where you wanted to form them and prevented yourself because you had filler words. Work on manipulating the language a little bit to fit your purposes, it's what rappers do. Then the universal advice is to up your vocab, that alone helps with flow and multies as long as you don't let it distract you. Keep it up