save the embarassment

[Ka0t1c]

ouch!
i couldnt believe what kind of bullshit i read on this forum
so
should i leave or put in more poems
cuz it looks like debri was thrown in to see
and only now ya notice how boring it be
cuz im snorin

yes it's an unfortunate scene
and i'll show what i mean
to those bringing horrible things in a form of posting

cuz theres abnormally weak
blown outta proportion i think
sources hosting their own forces that stink

on the court, they're no king
but jokers who sing
choruses
sinkin in pores like some teeth
for fortune, not importance we breathe

and each corner they'll reach
hopin you'll absorb what they teach
they are sorta the leach

and they resort to this scheme
to abort all your dreams
you brainstorm of to keep you torn from your peace

dont ignore what i speak
just be informed or you'll reap
from the torture, the poison, and then spoil your streak
towards enjoyin your treat
and disappointin young seeds
its called the loyalty
it is posted in the soldiers creed
thats a choice
please let the voice from your vocals lead

[James R.]

Decent. Didnt like the structure, with the three lines rhyming, then 5 in some places, it usually sounds better when you keep an even number. The rhyming was pretty simplistic. The flow was off, not severely but it was off which you can probably blame on the structure. It kinda seems rushed, like you felt like getting lyrics out of your head so you just put smtn together. Anyways it was a decent drop, but it needs some improvement.