Humph

by **Enimee** » May 20th, '07, 16:35

I sat back a while took a chance to hone my skill now im str8 prone to kill
bitch u know im real with verbs that will set ur fuckin bones to chill
i hope u finally hav gotten ur fony fill
or fill of fonies cuz from now im slayin wack mc's only
those who slick words are lonely lacking the flow rythm and rhyme of those who drove deep
and found a place to salvage the lost and decayed verbs and predicates of another day
when us poets had no rhymes to say when poe was the only guy we'd play
so now the sky looks down disgraced at what we've become. apart of a lost race
what was the cost ace, for you to make urself hot in this last pawns play
so let ur fuckin jaws stay dont drop them as i let these damn flaws delay
save them for another time when my paws dont fillet cuz no ones perfect not even this damn DOn of GRace

by 4D » May 20th, '07, 19:19

Ouch, how icky is that corny ending.

Had some good parts in it man, and I thought this was gonna be the best I've seen from you, but some things you said in it, were too cheesy.

Don of grace, lmfao.

by **Enimee** » May 21st, '07, 01:56

wow ur jus mentally ill wuteva u aint puttin out too much better anywho thanks for the crit tho

by **James R.** » May 21st, '07, 02:34

I wasn't feelin that at all. The multies were forced in quite a few situations. The structure was whack as hell and the flow wasn't there at all really. The main thing that bothered me is the "Poe was the only guy we'd play." How do you play Poe? I don't think that's an option really. And the last line was just not good. The rest of it was average at best. I don't think I've read anything else from you, but I can see potential to be a lot better.

by 4D » May 21st, '07, 09:14

Enimee wrote:wow ur jus mentally ill wuteva u aint puttin out too much better anywho thanks for the crit tho

I could spend ten minutes on a rhyme and make yours look even worse than it is.

by **Enimee** » May 23rd, '07, 19:57

jus stop, and whoeva the otha guy is i appreciate the cmment but its my mind it works in ways u wudnt understand, i play off words and make them mean otha things but wuteva u say dude thats u

by **,-,'-{Bar}-',-,** » May 23rd, '07, 20:50

your a gummy :angry:

and i play of words and make gummy mean asshole :smoking:

by **Hadez** » May 23rd, '07, 21:07

,-,'-{Bar}-',-, wrote:your a gummy

and i play of words and make gummy mean asshole

damn

by **Enimee** » May 25th, '07, 03:08

NO BAR NO

down boy

Humph

Humph

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