Writing by a classmate

[B.A.D.]

tell me what chu think so I can tell him

it's 6 in the morning, and i got a phone call
it my homey, shots droppin' back in the hall
the shit is gonna end, i attack back and use my steel
bodies are all over the place, blood stains, ain't nothing changed
from the last time i been there, i kick back, got tired of this
i still provoke wars between the families

[stevethetruth]

it's 6 in the morning, and i got a phone call
it my homey, shots droppin' back in the hall
the shit is gonna end, i attack back and use my steel
(add a line here that rhymes with steel)
bodies are all over the place, blood stains, ain't nothing changed
(add a line here that rhymes with changed)
from the last time i been there, i kick back, got tired of this
(add a line that rhymes with this)
i still provoke wars between the families
(add a line that rhymes with families)


that's pretty much all i can see wrong with it
it's fairly simple noneless

[patwivo]

this sucks and its about the gayest rhyme i've ever read

[Rain Matrix]

[quote="stevethetruth"]it's 6 in the morning, and I got a phone call
no homey, it wasn't me that popped shots in tha hall
the war is gonna end, I attack back using my steel
I'm in rage mode, my guage shows u how I feel
bodies are all over the place, blood stains, ain't nothing changed
too much death, oh well who's up next, u can see me dumpin rain
from the last line, I try to pass time, I kick back cuz I got tired of this
it keeps me not sleepy, speak please I'm awake, time ta break tha subjects
I still provoke wars between tha families
members, like embers setting tha grams free

I claim no rights to whatever this was, I just took steves advice

[patwivo]

rain, u actually made this rap good

[4D]

Wasn't bad for a beginner 30-3, tell him to keep working on it, he may have some talent there. The last line really ruined it for him, because it was kinda o.k up until that. Steve gave some good advice, he should use that and try and incorporate that into future rhymes.


@ Rain, you make your lines too long man, without a rhyme in the middle of the line to continue the flow. So by the time the last words of the line come, you forget what it was supposed to rhyme with, you shouldn't have to look above for what it rhymed with. Too many commas and breaks in your lines man, destroy your flow. No hate, just some constructive.

[Curtis]

So simple.