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Segments (updated with hook)

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Segments (updated with hook)

Postby ,-,'-{Bar}-',-, » Apr 23rd, '08, 19:56

dont aks bout the title i have no title for this its just 16 bars lol



jump in your body and controll your dome
as i walk you up and down i am your back bone
plant some vicous schemes like wishless dreams
sleep without a night mare becomes quite rare
me i dont fight fare like tyson in the holyfeilds
come at you with satan all you got is some holy sheilds
put my music on when your gutting your house
when you 2 tracks in and you'll be cutting your spouse
i bring out the voilence in all these tryrents
i'm hells high prince put you in five splints
chop you up and tell your wife here, try mince
im capital punishment a catapult the nourishment
a spat of guilt n flourishment and then i furnaced them
spat turn faced him, laughed in his presence
you aint on my level go bath with the peasents,
as i kill you in segmants


thought of a hook

rip off the limbs then destory the brain
explode the heart and then break the spine
i dont call this a crime i call this justice
giving just deserts to the people i trusted(x2)





just got a beat wrote this and i quite like it, i like the feel it has and the mixture of simple and complex so i thought id post it and get some opinions on it :happy:
Last edited by ,-,'-{Bar}-',-, on Apr 23rd, '08, 20:19, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Segments

Postby Tornado » Apr 23rd, '08, 19:59

liked how it got complex as it went one with more multis in there but really dark lyrics..reminds me of Jack The Ripper somewhat
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Re: Segments

Postby ,-,'-{Bar}-',-, » Apr 23rd, '08, 20:10

Tornado wrote:liked how it got complex as it went one with more multis in there but really dark lyrics..reminds me of Jack The Ripper somewhat



lol yeh the beat is that sort of mood and feel to it, thanx for checking man :worship:
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Re: Segments (updated with hook)

Postby Rain Matrix » Apr 23rd, '08, 21:34

tha dark imagery doesn't work for me... but that's my personal taste
as far as tha piece it was well written... props :y:
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Re: Segments (updated with hook)

Postby SajN » Apr 24th, '08, 17:34

It was a good piece. I do like it :y:
You got some good rhymes and lines in there, so that's cool :y:

It's only one verse, or you gonna write more ? :sweating:


Could you feed mine too? It's called "Northern Lights".... :y:
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Re: Segments (updated with hook)

Postby -[Zach]- » Apr 25th, '08, 07:25

very dark and violent but its very nicely written. i couldn't really picture that possible hook part as a hook though. i think it would be better off somewhere in a verse. but either way very very good :y:
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