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Slutty Death

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Re: Slutty Death

Postby -[Zach]- » May 16th, '08, 06:30

rather interesting. i don't know why but i found that last line sort of funny. the other lines were well written but definately different. all in all it was good though. keep it up :y:
"Did you ever stop to think/I'm old enough to go to war but I ain't old enough to drink" - 2Pac

"It's time to let the truth be told/There ain't no brighter day/'Cause when it all unfolds/A n**** gon' just pass away/These haters tryna stop my grind/But I bet them hoes can't block my shine/So tired of takin' losses not this time/I can't save the whole world I'm just tryna look out for mine" - Z-Ro

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Re: Slutty Death

Postby Xray » May 16th, '08, 07:51

very basic, but if you manage to make it more complex a little than it would be better :y:
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Over a billion Muslims, you could never stop Islam
Over a billion bullets shooting from the chopper's arm
Carry a motherfucker head that I shred in Nam
I speak literally, figuratively, the prophet gone

New Track: The Nightmare
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Re: Slutty Death

Postby Robbie G » May 16th, '08, 21:03

I enjoyed it.

A little work on it and it could be pretty dope. :y:
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Re: Slutty Death

Postby judah » May 20th, '08, 14:14

I think that the last line, is nice to finish the verse with...thinkin' with your dick... :whistle:

but as u put it the structure is not usall, and gets hard to rhyme over it.

Still a nice one though
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Re: Slutty Death

Postby Robbie G » May 21st, '08, 01:42

Chet wrote::worship: Thanks alot Judah


Your welcome.. :y:

I sit in a dark spot in the club/ 9 syllables
grab a hug, give her some more drinks/ 8 syllables
talk down to her, so her self esteem shrinks/ 10 syllables
tell her she stinks, and she is better off dead/ 11 syllables


If you can get all the lines to have the same amount of syllables it should flow better
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