The TRshady Forum became read-only in December 2014. The 10 year history will live on, in this archive.
Continue the discussion with the new home for the Eminem and Hip Hop discussion: HipHopShelter.com.

Diss Freestyle

Want to share a poem, story or a moving article? Share creative literature text here.

Diss Freestyle

Postby Solace » May 30th, '08, 23:19

I can't concentrate but I'll try to rap,
this shit that's more impressive than your crap
bla bla bla bla I cant hear a word you say
youve been babbling for a whole day
dont try to call me a homosexual since your gay
you hide in your closet telling people to go away
your nothing but a choke artist
who can't resist suckin on your mothers' tits
my skills are sick on the mic
don't get in a battle with me, just take a hike
your moms a slut and your wifes a bitch
how fucked up could a person get?
oh yea you're not a person your a piece of shit
but if you were I'd love it for you to suck my dick :)

i tried it again :) :) Please comment. Tell me what i can improve on.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You suck so bad, i think you should retire
my rhymes are hot, just like a fire
people from Trshady got me inspired
now im the rapper, that you desire
your only wish would to be like me
schizophrenic, im just crazy
you pretend to be em but you aint shady
ima expose your true sex, your just a lady
and when you rhyme your lines are weak
your not an emcee your a diguised geek
so fuck all of the shit you say
really you just came from the gay pride parade
once im done with you ull be even more useless than before
just like what i did with your mom, what a whore

Meh another one.
Last edited by Solace on Jun 8th, '08, 03:39, edited 1 time in total.
Image
User avatar
Solace
Bad Influence
Bad Influence
 
Posts: 19901
Joined: Apr 25th, '08, 03:12
Gender: Male

Re: Diss Freestyle

Postby Emadyville » May 31st, '08, 02:28

Seemed too simple and not that good of a diss, not bad if you're beginning though, keep practicing :y:
Menzo wrote:Its cuz you're dope and Daddy Dubs. No one fucks with that


I love you Daren
User avatar
Emadyville
Django
Django
 
Posts: 24833
Joined: Jan 17th, '08, 15:58
Location: Catasauqua PA
Gender: Male

Re: Diss Freestyle

Postby Solace » Jun 6th, '08, 02:25

yea im beginning. thanks for feedback. anyone else got sumthin to say?
Image
User avatar
Solace
Bad Influence
Bad Influence
 
Posts: 19901
Joined: Apr 25th, '08, 03:12
Gender: Male

Re: Diss Freestyle

Postby Kosovic » Jun 6th, '08, 08:23

Lol.....bad, very bad.
User avatar
Kosovic
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2950
Joined: May 14th, '08, 14:06
Gender: Male

Re: Diss Freestyle

Postby Solace » Jun 6th, '08, 22:13

Could you at least have some constructive critism.

Lol.....bad, very bad.


Isnt helpful.
Image
User avatar
Solace
Bad Influence
Bad Influence
 
Posts: 19901
Joined: Apr 25th, '08, 03:12
Gender: Male

Re: Diss Freestyle

Postby Kosovic » Jun 6th, '08, 22:22

You dont need help, u need to give up. Really.
User avatar
Kosovic
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2950
Joined: May 14th, '08, 14:06
Gender: Male

Re: Diss Freestyle

Postby Solace » Jun 7th, '08, 00:44

okay...?
Image
User avatar
Solace
Bad Influence
Bad Influence
 
Posts: 19901
Joined: Apr 25th, '08, 03:12
Gender: Male

Re: Diss Freestyle

Postby Kosovic » Jun 7th, '08, 12:57

shadymademe wrote:okay...?


Okay.
User avatar
Kosovic
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2950
Joined: May 14th, '08, 14:06
Gender: Male

Re: Diss Freestyle

Postby Steve Spag » Jun 7th, '08, 16:18

Don't worry man, that kid's a hater.
But I can see some potential.
It's obvious that you're new to writting, but you have some alright lines.
Some of it reminded me of myself when I first started rapping, so you must be doing something right, haha.
Keep it up man, don't stop writting.
:y:.
Former Rap God
Image
Image
User avatar
Steve Spag
Role Model
Role Model
 
Posts: 3055
Joined: Jul 14th, '06, 21:08
Location: Top Secret.
Gender: Male

Re: Diss Freestyle

Postby Kosovic » Jun 7th, '08, 16:23

Steve Spag wrote:Don't worry man, that kid's a hater.
But I can see some potential.
It's obvious that you're new to writting, but you have some alright lines.
Some of it reminded me of myself when I first started rapping, so you must be doing something right, haha.
Keep it up man, don't stop writting.
:y:.


Ah i love this word....hater. Hater this, hater that. Nooo, everyone is "ill" and "dope" and "shit" and whoever "sweats" on them, is a "hater". Grow up kids, hiphop slang is for dumb teenagers.
User avatar
Kosovic
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2950
Joined: May 14th, '08, 14:06
Gender: Male

Re: Diss Freestyle

Postby Solace » Jun 8th, '08, 03:38

Okay, i edited the first post and included another diss freestyle. Hope you like. And thanks Steve.
Image
User avatar
Solace
Bad Influence
Bad Influence
 
Posts: 19901
Joined: Apr 25th, '08, 03:12
Gender: Male

Re: Diss Freestyle

Postby Kosovic » Jun 8th, '08, 11:21

Ehhh....its...yeah.
User avatar
Kosovic
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2950
Joined: May 14th, '08, 14:06
Gender: Male

Re: Diss Freestyle

Postby Tash8 » Jun 8th, '08, 18:07

ur on the same level of some lil wayne songs, but yea u need work, especially since ur lines are like 7 syllables long, gotta make them longer.
User avatar
Tash8
Addict
Addict
 
Posts: 12522
Joined: Feb 19th, '07, 20:04
Gender: Male

Re: Diss Freestyle

Postby Solace » Jun 8th, '08, 19:39

Im at the level on SOME of Wanyes songs. Is that a good thing (cuz i dont like lil wayne:P). Anyways, thanks for feedback and yea i agree my sentences are very short.
Image
User avatar
Solace
Bad Influence
Bad Influence
 
Posts: 19901
Joined: Apr 25th, '08, 03:12
Gender: Male

Re: Diss Freestyle

Postby Kosovic » Jun 8th, '08, 20:29

shadymademe wrote:Im at the level on SOME of Wanyes songs. Is that a good thing (cuz i dont like lil wayne:P). Anyways, thanks for feedback and yea i agree my sentences are very short.


Well anything less than Lil Wayne is hardly a song....so for u, its ok. Objectively....its not.
User avatar
Kosovic
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2950
Joined: May 14th, '08, 14:06
Gender: Male


Return to Creative Writing



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users

cron