SECOND VERSE ADDED[ARE YOU REAL ENOUGH?]

[Darkblade44431]

New song i'm working on, so far i just have the second verse and a hook though. But i like it. Tell me your thoughts on it.
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ARE YOU REAL ENOUGH?
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What is real enough?
i'm not the average rapper runnin at chya
i'm mental, instrumentals, lyrics, commin at chya
My thoughts trapped in a kennel, what comes out's a disaster
My sped thoughts too fast to speak
When attempted...it causes a dental disaster
New songs invented, no idea when they'll sign me or pick it up faster
My jaw's indented, pencil broke, when i can't think of a chapter
In my life that's positive, i got no momentum
I lost the inspiration, all to live on the spectrum,
of normal livin indications, coins to blow up, i spent em
Causin driven sensations, just when i thought i could heal em
Stallin' physical vibrations, just to show that i'm real..
enough to spit out callin rhymes so mystical they make you feel what you hear
And not only do i lyrically kill you, but i'm ill when i hear you
I'm pukin out my guts, when i hear you actin tough
I'm not stoopin to fake lust, ya stupid fake gangstas
So feel free to wake us, when you feel you can take us
I'm not racist, but i seen ya faces before, i hate chya!

[HOOK]:
Are you real?
I guess we'll find out when you squeal
We'll peel, off ya skin, and see what's instilled
We'll take off the sheild, find the true coward inside that you've sealed
Are you real?

Keep on fakin shit
you'll find out what's gonna happen
i'm not only sayin this....in the midst of my rappin
i rot only with the sick, the sick ones still rappin
whether the rhymes are spit, when they're attackin,
death, pointin it with the tip of their blade
or sent back in, or whether they're sent back packin
we're all real enough to stab with you with the black end, of our knife
trappin your fear in our sight
then when your eyes bloodshot
face kept the same
no tears will drop
too busy, mouth still open..from the scream...
and while you still think this is a dream
it's like you think it's a play
you're in one caught moment
but you can't end the scene
and obscene thoughts runnin through our head that we've stolen
all thinkin alike
that you know that we'll roll in
not scared to get in a fight
and i know you think it hurt,
the black end of the knives,
but how would you feel,
if we stabbed you with the tip this time

[Hook]

[Darkblade44431]

lmao, are you kidding me? pay attention to the rhymes, and i rhymed more than one rhyme in most of the lines anyway. lol, pay attention to all the rhymes. Thanks for feedback, lol, that just makes me mad, i dont think you really looked over it carefully.

[Boston]

you did rhyme, ill give you that much
i seen some multis, and ina way i do like how you changed up your rhyme scheme/flow but in a way i dont. the verse didnt make much sense to me either, but keep it up

[Emadyville]

lmao, are you kidding me? pay attention to the rhymes, and i rhymed more than one rhyme in most of the lines anyway. lol, pay attention to all the rhymes. Thanks for feedback, lol, that just makes me mad, i dont think you really looked over it carefully.

Ok before you get all pissed at Chet, I agree with him. You did rhyme some internal shit and some end shit, but I think the way it flowed and where the rhymes were made them not seem like rhymes. After I saw what he said and you responded I made sure to look it over closely, and that was my conclusion. And I agree the hook was good.

[Darkblade44431]

Alright, thanks for feedback people. It seems what i write is never as good as i think it is? So should i just give up on this song? But the way i'm thinking of it, i think it will sound good when i record it, cuz i plan on emphazing those rhymes do to my style in this rap...still a bit confused...

[Emadyville]

Yes what Chet said, plus like you said when you record it you can focus and emphasize rhymes. Don't give up on it.

[Darkblade44431]

Well, i can't changed the rhymes and flow without it being a different song...thanks chet and emadyville...but i think i'll try recording it, and see how it all plays out first...i guess.

[Xray]

sick shit man, verse and chorus both are ill

[Darkblade44431]

Thanks Xray, you're the first person to say it was good, lol.

[Darkblade44431]

Ok, i know this isnt recorded perfectly. But this is sorta what i'm goin for on this song:
http://www.zshare.net/audio/1299914698aa0525/

[Darkblade44431]

Fuck yeah! that makes me feel better. So i am right about seeing how it plays out on the recording..hopefully. Could use more feedback though.

[Darkblade44431]

Ok, i added a second verse, can someone tell me how it is, if it's ok to use...etc.

[Emadyville]

I think that you spit fine I mean with a beat and shit it'd be tighter but I still don't feel the lyrics and the rhymes which were supposed to show when you recorded this did not. The hook is tight but I just don't feel the verses, I think it's lack of rhyming added with the fact that it doesn't all make sense to me in regards to what you're trying to say. Just my opinion, keep working on it though,

[Darkblade44431]

Ok, thanks for the feedback for Emadyville, i think i'll still see how it plays out.

[Emadyville]

Ok, thanks for the feedback for Emadyville, i think i'll still see how it plays out.

Yeah please do, I'm just trying to give my honest feedback. Like I said with a beat and a clear, solid, practiced delivery I think it will be good.