Hey Check Out This Jam I came up with

[The Toy Soldier]

This Is The first Song I have ever Truly Made (written Wise)(and actually thought about)

I Call It "Failure of My Age" Or "Acting My Age" Either one
I Originally Planned it to go with the instrumental of "Bully" From Eminem's Straight from the Lab EP

K Hope you guys Like it a little:\
[Verse 1]
I Can't Believe I'm Taking this Shit
Can't Believe I have to fix this
but I guess it isn't Time to throw a fit
I'm So Worried I'm all nervous My Nails are all chewed and bit
I Look at these barren walls and throw a hit
Looks Like I'm back at this shit hole
Now it seems Like I'm a Mole
All this Back Busting Work has taken its toll
But I guess the car won't fix itself
Now I'm wishing I was still twelve
Back when I first met Gaby
So I Could truly see
What My Future would Hold For Me
what events were stored for C
Not to be lazy on this heavy D
be-

[Chorus]
Cuz I'm The Same Old Fucker
Fixin this ride for a trucker
Now I feel Like A Stupid Sucker
I Just Can't Seem To Be me
Just A Grumpy Emcee
But I guess thats All I can be
is just me Mr.C

[Verse 2]
I Don't Get Why I'm Still Here
I Only Work For the Sour Tear
My Girlfriends Giving up all my encouraging cheer
I Think Ill sip up another beer
it doesn't Matter No More
I can't Even Complete A Simple Chore
I fell on My Face
I Fail on My race
Money Was not to be my chase
Shouldn't Have been in the first place
But Now I can't seem to Find happiness nowadays

[Chorus X2]

What do You gusy Think? I Might Record it if I get god reviews I doubt it though cuz well Reading it now I don't know.

Either way its supposed to be the perspective of a 28 Year Old Whos Life Flopped.(Obviusly)

[Emadyville]

Can def tell it's your fist song, very short, didn't really flow well, and rhymes were very simple.

[The Toy Soldier]

Can def tell it's your fist song, very short, didn't really flow well, and rhymes were very simple.

the flow? its supposed to be like the flow of the song. I had trouble at times but i coudl tell there was flow.

[The Toy Soldier]

:y: I like it man, I can tell you tried on it. As long as you keep doing that, you will keep getting better.

I love story songs, and it goes with the beat well.

Can't wait to see how your voice is.

It flowed well for me

Man Thanx Thats The Encouragement I need man My voice? IDK kinda scratchy right now cuz of well u know what happens when ur 13 Ill try and record it and put it up. Thnx man.

[The Toy Soldier]

No problem man

damn 13...I feel so old

Oh You're aren't "young"

[The Toy Soldier]

No problem man

damn 13...I feel so old

Oh You're aren't "young"

Well I'm only 18

and it pisses me off that souja boi is younger and richer then me

I honestly don't think its rap when you repeat the chorus throughout the whole song

[Kosovic]

Now watch me yooooooooooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Why we gather all these little kids here?

[Robbie G]

Now watch me yooooooooooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Why we gather all these little kids here?

there for maybe.

[The Toy Soldier]

Now watch me yooooooooooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Why we gather all these little kids here?

i aint little ima teen just like chet EighTEEN and thirTEEN.

[Solace]

Now watch me yooooooooooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Why we gather all these little kids here?

i aint little ima teen just like chet EighTEEN and thirTEEN.

im thirTEEN too Record it even if it sucks. One day when your very good youll look back at your first recording and smile

[SkinNBlista]

Great effort man!
Dont mean to sound patronising but if your writing like that at 13
all you gotta do is practice and you'll be tha bomb.
Considering it is fictional, it rhymes great.
Well done

[The Toy Soldier]

Great effort man!
Dont mean to sound patronising but if your writing like that at 13
all you gotta do is practice and you'll be tha bomb.
Considering it is fictional, it rhymes great.
Well done

Thanks

oh and Shadymeme does it suck? i couldn't actually tel lwhether you said like even if it suckcs (cuz it does) or even if it sucks (if other people think that)

[Darkblade44431]

Hey ur not alone being young, lol, i'm 14.
I could tell that you tried. But it also didn't seem to have good flow, and it had simple rhymes. and i could tell it was your first. keep working, you'll get better.
edit:
lol, plz comment on my shit.

[The Toy Soldier]

Hey ur not alone being young, lol, i'm 14.
I could tell that you tried. But it also didn't seem to have good flow, and it had simple rhymes. and i could tell it was your first. keep working, you'll get better.
edit:
lol, plz comment on my shit.

the flow aint that bad though its supposed to go with the real song "bully" well not exactly I have to improve it because i have to keep reharsing it to make it sound fluent but thnx for the comments i might make another and scrap this one

[Darkblade44431]

Glad i could be of some help.