Pushing You Back

[notoriouS-K-M]

Your city is under attack
Cuz you said I couldn't rap
I gathered my toy soldiers
& sent them on the offensive
My infantry's laden with the senses
that could sense your senseless
slaughter of all the five senses
& stimulate the sixth sense
Which alerts me when you get near
I let out my war cry & you cower in fear
That's the warning now I attack
With nuclear missiles & biological weapons
Using my words Ahsan I'm pushing you back

[Xray]

not bad, not good either. I think your forcing your writing abilities and trying to be lyrical but it just didn't work. structure isnt good. you used the word sense 5 fuckin times come on dude fix your vocab.

[Arabian Shady]

not bad, not good either. I think your forcing your writing abilities and trying to be lyrical but it just didn't work. structure isnt good. you used the word sense 5 fuckin times come on dude fix your vocab.

he's right,the structure is weak and the piece was really short,i had problems wid the flow as well(length??),neways dude this was a step down frm ur last post
peace...practice makes perfect