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i wrote this rhyme to my girl , plz i need your opinions..

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i wrote this rhyme to my girl , plz i need your opinions..

Postby Slim Zaddy » Sep 4th, '08, 11:20

With each passing day I look forward to seeing you
it’s almost as if my life was shattered, and now you’re here existing inside me
so my life now have a taste better
All what I want in this world is just you
I want to be inside your sweet lovely heart and hold you
You’re everything to me now you’re more than I could actually dream
It’s seems to me that I have just owned the world with you, it’s real
I can’t bear to see myself without you believe me it’s true
I really can’t see me without you, my heart beats within you it’s pure
I never have fallen to any girl but I’m quickly on my way. You have hold a heart in your hands that has never been given away to any girl but you
you’re the only girl that have just lure my heart
I really owe him because he picks you I think he’s so smart
I’m ready to do everything just for you even if it was sacrificing my self I will do
When I did see u the first time I realized that I hve just see the sweetest blushing smile
It was from the prettiest girl alive
My heart get confused and I didn’t know what to do cuz have just crossed by
My thoughts at that moment scatter and I didn’t know how to act in front of this matter
If you ask me how much I care, I might just say so much
Because there no word in the language, that can describe my care for u as such
I adore u with all of my heart, Cause u were the one for me right from the start.
Now I’m missing you, wanting to be with you, just right there warm u and show you how much I care about you
I tried to express more about how I feel toward u , but words were hard to find
I’m always thinking about you, you’re always in my mind all day and night
Loving you keeps me warm, when I’m feeling so cold
If my heart was for sale. For you it’s already sold
Delightful thing will always be in cherish how we met in the maxime mall shop
my heart was racing, making my veins want to pop
I knew from the start we would go far, when I remember Ur graceful smile my heart skip a beat apart
I have the strength to encounter all life tribulation with courage, vim full of sprit
you’re the only thing I feel weak, toward you I feel like I’m decrepit
I want u to be my future wife cuz I knew you’re the only thing I love in this life
Every moment I spent thinking about u is like waves to the ocean,
a rushing, primal urge, a sweet mix of hushing emotions.
Without you, my life is strife like a string lost in the sea
without you that’s what my life will be
I know my soul won’t keep flowing without you by my side, so baby come to me don’t be scared and hide
you’re always inside my mind, even though we’re far apart
Don’t think for one moment that distance between us will affect our relationship, because I know our emotion’s bond toward each other will never break cuz it’s ain’t fake.

know plz tell me what you think about it ,, if there're anything needs to be changed let me know.. :)
Last edited by Slim Zaddy on Sep 6th, '08, 15:25, edited 4 times in total.
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Re: i wrote this rhyme to my girl , plz i need your opinions..

Postby Slim Zaddy » Sep 4th, '08, 11:37

Chet wrote:Lyrics are average, flow is bad

I don't like love rhymes so :n:

but it's for your girl, so don't worry she will love it

so I guess good job lol


thanks chet for your opinion , ya it's just for my girl ... glad u like it
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Re: i wrote this rhyme to my girl , plz i need your opinions..

Postby Vertis » Sep 4th, '08, 13:40

yeah i would have to agree flow is bad not much rhyming and its got a lotta love shit goin' on so she'll love it
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Re: i wrote this rhyme to my girl , plz i need your opinions..

Postby Slim Zaddy » Sep 4th, '08, 13:47

Vertis wrote:yeah i would have to agree flow is bad not much rhyming and its got a lotta love shit goin' on so she'll love it


thanks for your comment vertis , i really apreciate your opinion , i hve changed some lines so it would look like more rhyming ,, and the purpose of me writing it is to have a taste of rhyming and a content of love flowing ,,, ..
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Re: i wrote this rhyme to my girl , plz i need your opinions..

Postby Slim Zaddy » Sep 5th, '08, 17:11

commin guys ,, only 2 who i get responce from ,, :confusion:
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Re: i wrote this rhyme to my girl , plz i need your opinions..

Postby Darkblade44431 » Sep 5th, '08, 22:04

u were off flow but i think the lyrics were alright. also, i think u talked about the same thing too much. Btw, ur wrong, my girl is the prettiest girl everrr. :tounge2: so take that! and i can already tell u she's more amazing than yours. rofl!
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Re: i wrote this rhyme to my girl , plz i need your opinions..

Postby Slim Zaddy » Sep 5th, '08, 22:48

Darkblade44431 wrote:u were off flow but i think the lyrics were alright. also, i think u talked about the same thing too much. Btw, ur wrong, my girl is the prettiest girl everrr. :tounge2: so take that! and i can already tell u she's more amazing than yours. rofl!



:D , well thanks man for your opinion ,, repeating myself is for reassureing feeling ,, :p .. glad to hear from ya
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Re: i wrote this rhyme to my girl , plz i need your opinions..

Postby Darkblade44431 » Sep 6th, '08, 13:32

No problem, lol, btw....i get a bit off flow on love poems too, i think i can keep it for the most part though. grr...she would make me want to make her a poem, only she could. lol.
but yeh, u might wanna make some dif. stuff to say. i' m sure you can think of something, seeing as u love her so much. lol...i'm not tryin to be mean, i just can't say it any differently.
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Re: i wrote this rhyme to my girl , plz i need your opinions..

Postby Slim Zaddy » Sep 6th, '08, 15:22

[quote="Darkblade44431"]No problem, lol, btw....i get a bit off flow on love poems too, i think i can keep it for the most part though. grr...she would make me want to make her a poem, only she could. lol.
but yeh, u might wanna make some dif. stuff to say. i' m sure you can think of something, seeing as u love her so much. lol...i'm not tryin to be mean, i just can't say it any differently.[/quoteno

no darkblade it's okay , that's why i have mentioned that i need opinions to get your point of view either it was a good or not .. and i really appreciate yours 2 .. but u said to me to do somethin different , like what . i did'nt get you ? :)
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Re: i wrote this rhyme to my girl , plz i need your opinions..

Postby Darkblade44431 » Sep 6th, '08, 16:25

ok i think i get wat ur sayin. alright then.
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