New Verse

[Emadyville]

Seems I'm writing a verse a day. I think this a verse I'd use at the end of a song, not sure though. I really need feedback on this one because I don't know if this is something to use, change, or scrap. Feedback please!

This album isn’t for one time shoppers,
Of music, because I am not a rhyme stopper,
I grew up on this and I will continue to offer,
The best I can be whenever I write proper,
Just give me the pen and allow me to prosper,
In a game that always talks cops and robbers,
With mobsters who instead rob the coppers,
Get murdered in the press with photoshop croppers,
And with one slip of the tongue can lose sponsors,
It’s all over the news and they’re viewed as monsters,
Forget their verses onstage at their own concerts,
Have parodies made by all the youtube mockers,
Can’t sell in stores and never again see stockers,
So they chose a new path and do duets with rockers,
Get some cash and take their car to the choppers,
To stay under the radar from the news helicopters,
What kind of life can start from off the toppers,
Freestyling to writing to becoming name droppers,
Putting out a diss record that’s a myspace whopper,
Thousands of views leading to one labels offer,
So I will go hard for my dream and never be softer…

[<Stiiccy>]

k some of the lines were a lil wack on the creative side...not that they were bad rhymes its just the content...
i dont really like this at all to be honest...
you should have tried to switch up the rhyme scheme...then it would look alot better

[Emadyville]

k some of the lines were a lil wack on the creative side...not that they were bad rhymes its just the content...
i dont really like this at all to be honest...
you should have tried to switch up the rhyme scheme...then it would look alot better

Ok yeah idk, it's a weird verse. I think it makes sense while at the same time it doesn't. I think with the flow I have in mind it works cause it continues to pick up. I guess my point was that everyone who enters rap has to know what it can lead to, and I start by saying I will be great even though I know the consequences which I state, and mention how it can be luck to make it because of today's technology, and that I will go hard until I get there, meaning no limits to what I say or write about. I just don't know man this verse seems good when I spit it and at the same time I think it come off as corny lol.

[seh]

Cool flow, limited yourself by not changing the rhyme scheme but i feel i read the flow well and its cool. lay it down..

[Emadyville]

Cool flow, limited yourself by not changing the rhyme scheme but i feel i read the flow well and its cool. lay it down..

Thanks, yeah this is a weird verse. Just kind of wrote it, not sure what i'll do with it.