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New! Urban Punk - P.U.S.H (pray until something happen’s)

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New! Urban Punk - P.U.S.H (pray until something happen’s)

Postby Urban Punk » Dec 3rd, '08, 22:06

Just a little piece I wrote last night thought it’s only the first draft. Feel free to leave feed :happy:

Ayo
Are these cynical cries, love drippin from my eyes?
Or a controlling persona… consoling my pride?
While some are sympathetic, other’s think I’m pathetic,
Jacking off my life, like my dick’s a mic,
Though that’s what happen’s,
When you hide behind lines,
Skip school, and stay home, just to write rhymes
While seeing other’s suffer, thought these hard time’s,
It feel’s like a nightmare, dream that I’m living,
Cuz I relate to the pain, like the lyric’s to the rhythm, or the psyche to the brain,
I pray
… Dear lord, don’t keep me confined,
For that would be, the death of me,
If I go insane,
An unholy crime, hell a life in vain,
I've mastered numerology and big bang theology, Performed lobotomies with telekinetic psychology http://www.bebo.com/Devilville
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Re: New! Urban Punk - P.U.S.H (pray until something happen’s)

Postby MC Anonymous » Dec 3rd, '08, 22:09

Urban Punk wrote:Just a little piece I wrote last night thought it’s only the first draft. Feel free to leave feed :happy:

Ayo
Are these cynical cries, love drippin from my eyes?
Or a controlling persona… consoling my pride?
While some are sympathetic, other’s think I’m pathetic,
Jacking off my life, like my dick’s a mic,
Though that’s what happen’s,
When you hide behind lines,
Skip school, and stay home, just to write rhymes
While seeing other’s suffer, thought these hard time’s,
It feel’s like a nightmare, dream that I’m living,
Cuz I relate to the pain, like the lyric’s to the rhythm, or the psyche to the brain,
I pray
… Dear lord, don’t keep me confined,
For that would be, the death of me,
If I go insane,
An unholy crime, hell a life in vain,

This was good for a draft, you got a unique flow, and I like it. Vocab was decent, could be better. Flow was good, rhymes were sub-par. 7/10. Keep droppin' bro.
LMFAO@ Brittney, bitch looking worse than a chupacabra mixed with a broken down coyote. You're disgusting ugly, so ugly in fact, my brain simultaneously exploded while processing how bitterly grotesque you look. I would much rather stick ice picks into the walls of my cranium, then stick my dick into your quagmire of a clitoris. You're what would happen if a sperm whale mated with a Godzilla fish..


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Re: New! Urban Punk - P.U.S.H (pray until something happen’s)

Postby James R. » Dec 4th, '08, 04:10

Interesting. You do have a really unique flow and I like that, but I feel like it needs to be nurtured. Mainly in the rhymes. I don't want to say you rhymed sporadically, but it lacked the structure that help keep your ideas together. Keep moving with this though. Maybe something longer will give me a better taste of how you write. I liked it though. I liked the concept.
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Re: New! Urban Punk - P.U.S.H (pray until something happen’s)

Postby Urban Punk » Dec 4th, '08, 11:22

Like I said it’s just the first draft though thanks for the feed guys it’s always much appreciate
I've mastered numerology and big bang theology, Performed lobotomies with telekinetic psychology http://www.bebo.com/Devilville
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