better freestyle for the haters

[neb121]

this is not against anyone really but just thought i'd show a better side to me. cuz that battle i did was wack so thought i'd show something else. a better freestyle that i just wrote up. cuz i can show better skill then that. i know this is not even the best and i can do better then this but i just wrote this up real quick to show that i do got some skill then that wack battle rap i did before.

im sick of having haters and getting dissed
i got way to many haters on my shitlist,
im a crazy chick when it comes to fighting,
im like an aggressive dog with rabies biting
ima get better and ima make myself something
im sick of being told ima amount to nothing,
just cause im white and ima chick
so a chick has no skill, a chick can't spit
i think im pretty sick
chicks can do more then suck a dick,
im either loved or hated theres no in between
but battle me and ill wipe you faggots clean,
soon mtv will be hosting a bodacious show
i got money man and enough trees to smoke,
but i don't smoke weed i smoke mics
all you guys ganging up on me
now who's a real dike,
im regal you think you gonna bring me down
over the internet in different towns,
different countrys and different states
man lets be real and see who's really fake
and whos really good and whos making the cake,
cause my rhymes are so hott it will leave them baked

[Solace]

It wasnt that good. Barely any good punchlines. You were mostly talking about your greatness so i wasnt impressed but it was definitely better than the other one you posted against MC Anonymous. Flow was messed up in some areas which kinda fucked it over. 6.5/10 keep it up

[neb121]

well i was trying to get at it like they hating on me but it dont phase me and i still think im good.

i do need some more work with punchlines. like when someone disses me i do have good diss songs. i can show u some if u wanna hear them but i aint the best freestyler as apose to writer.

thanks though. 6 aint bad

[MC Anonymous]

Stop writing, and get off the forum.

[James R.]

Freestyling is not your thing. Take some time out and write something.

[neb121]

no. i have a right to be here just like u do.


i know james. im not a big freestyler. and ok thanks.

heres another one just a little one..

im cantankerous when i step to the mic
mean streaked and eat emcees when i write
im ill and number one still
don't care who i shoot im in it for the kill
my rhymes are Serendipity
im twisted and bitchy
ill Obfuscate you
i show no pity
rappers want to battle me
show me the stage
like a pitbull of its leash
ill show you my rage

[Solace]

no. i have a right to be here just like u do.


i know james. im not a big freestyler. and ok thanks.

heres another one just a little one..

im cantankerous when i step to the mic
mean streaked and eat emcees when i write
im ill and number one still
don't care who i shoot im in it for the kill
my rhymes are Serendipity
im twisted and bitchy
ill Obfuscate you
i show no pity
rappers want to battle me
show me the stage
like a pitbull of its leash
ill show you my rage

horrible.

[neb121]

how was that horrible? wow lol

[neb121]

^ thanks

[Solace]

how was that horrible? wow lol

i just didnt like it.

[Kez]

It was alright. A couple of decent lines but it needs more ferocity. The flow was off as well, i was trying to pinpoint one; it worked better as a grime-style fast flow, but still didn't flow too easily. I can see the ccncept is just something random, but maybe a bit more connection, like "women can do more than suck a dick" could be changed to "suck your dick", etc.

Also, i tend to find when making songs directed to "haters" you need personal connections to define what is a "hater" to you and base it around that; for me, many of my "haters" were fellow people in school, so many of my "hater songs" were directed around that concept. This seems kinda aimless and could be attributed to anybody, which could work if the punchlines had been harder, but they weren't, unfortunately. These lyrics could apply to pretty much any rapper in some way, so that's a big no-no because it lacks any kind of identity or personality.

I think in future make sure you take your time out to actually think about it and write, not just do something quick and call it a freestyle. Otherwise you're gonna give people the impression that this is the best you can do, which i can't see as being the case, surely.

(no numerical score because i don't feel i can sum my opinion up in a number unless it's 0 or 10, really)

[neb121]

thanks for the advice. like i said i am better with writing then freestyling. alot of famous rappers are like that too. not everyone can freestyle. thanks for the advice i do apprecaite it

[Slim Zaddy]

no. i have a right to be here just like u do.


i know james. im not a big freestyler. and ok thanks.

heres another one just a little one..

im cantankerous when i step to the mic
mean streaked and eat emcees when i write
im ill and number one still
don't care who i shoot im in it for the kill
my rhymes are Serendipity
im twisted and bitchy
ill Obfuscate you
i show no pity
rappers want to battle me
show me the stage
like a pitbull of its leash
ill show you my rage

well , some lines were good .. you just need to practice .. write more .. so you could be better .. keep going ...