Bigger picture

by **mcZu** » Dec 16th, '08, 23:01

-Bigger picture-

This art has departed from it's origin
It's hard to stand stilll like pooring in gin
It's heart pumping lesser colourful ink
It fit's no longer in the category of rhyme
Forgot how to set goals and read the signs
like the number nine getting old and blind
like a bullet moving straight backwards and faster
Even Ike couldn't be the cause of more disaster
It's Common, so for the bigger picture I flash Her
get her on camera, smile please is what I ask
face looks so sad, without the fake ugly mask
Bounce embedded, meaning lesser lyrical tracks
Some Timber fell in the lake, when she was crying a river..
Changing from flow has taken shape, so it turned into liqour..
Her kidney turned in the colour blue, being sick tricked Her...
Is all of this really the bigger picture?....

Feedback would be appreciated :flower:

by **James R.** » Dec 17th, '08, 01:55

Flow was ok at the very beginning and then I lost it and couldn't seem to pick it up again. Rhyming was pretty basic. It was very short too. I think smtn like this would do better a little more complex and a little longer. Past that the concepts were ok. With more development they could've been much more meaningful and hit much harder. Overall it was decent, but simplicity and length made it less enjoyable.