Sweetest Goodbye (re-done)

[bullet_boy46]

but i'm suddenly stressed
muddled and messed as i struggle for breath -
like a gun to my chest, girl my knuckles are red
i'm fed up with the stress, i'm stuck and depressed -
you're one of the best, so from under my breath

fucking deep also can you check out my rap called tick tock i need some pointers

[Tash8]

you had some great lines in there but you rhymed a bit too much, idk how you managed to do that but it got very robotic...so structure in more sentence structuring.

like you can do something like this

but i'm suddenly stressed, muddled and messed
as i struggle for breath like a gun to my chest
girl my knuckles are red

now all the sudden i'm stressed, muddled and messed
like a gun to my chest, i struggle for breath
i'm fed up with stress, so i down a couple meds
now my knuckles are red-n-i feel stuck in this mess
and i know nothing will ever change that unless
i let you know, you're the best, so from under my breath