poem I wrote.

[rap_gurl]

THE STREETS

The streets are my home
The streets are where I have grown
The streets make me strong
The streets don

[Inzanity]

it's was pretty good u should make it longer

[Tomega]

it was pretty fucked up u should make it shorter

[rap_gurl]

well thanx for the advice folks.
Anyone got something constructive?

[4D]

The streets are my home
The streets are where I have grown

The rhymes are pretty basic, home, grown, strong, wrong, etc.
Add complexity to them, some multiple rhymes, like this:

The streets, yes, they`re my home
The streets are where i`ve grown

*Notice the words in bold all rhyme, so you`ve now got the last 3 words of a sentence rhyming instead of one.

or

The streets, it breeds deceit n wild destruction
The streets, indeed the seed of my construction.
Repeat the streets to beats like i`ve percussion.
I feel the need to bleed like i`ve concussion.

Sorry, got carried away!!

[Mc Cubz]

Yo thats gud advice from fordie

[rap_gurl]

I gotta agree thank you so much for that, see thats advice I will learn from.

[4D]

No problem any time, if you like rhymes we got a cool little cypher area in my forum, click the button under my sig that says 'www' All are welcome!

[TRshady]

Remember this is a poem, not a rap verse, there is no necessity to include complex rhymes or any rhyme at all for that matter. Also even when writing rap verses there is a world of features you can use, without needing to focus entirely on rhyme. Look into sibilance, alliteration, fricatives, inversion etc all of which seamlessly become part of your rhyming and add much more depth and variety to a poem/verse.

Good work though Rapgurl ..

[Tomega]

it seems im the only honest one here

[4D]

Remember this is a poem, not a rap verse, there is no necessity to include complex rhymes or any rhyme at all for that matter. Also even when writing rap verses there is a world of features you can use, without needing to focus entirely on rhyme. Look into sibilance, alliteration, fricatives, inversion etc all of which seamlessly become part of your rhyming and add much more depth and variety to a poem/verse.

Good work though Rapgurl ..

It was just some advice, her nick is rap gurl, so i assumed she wanted some pointers on writing a rap. I know technically you`re right, but, I never fell for that shit about poetry not having to rhyme. I think rap lyricism is the modern evolution of Poetry. I think Eminem, Rakim, Big Pun, Big L, loads others, shit on the vast population of traditional poets. Plus if you can`t write something beautiful or create a poem and not have rhymes in it, maybe poetry`s not for you.

P.s I will look up some of those terminalogies you plucked from a "Poetry for Dummies" book!

only kidding man, good to see ya back on here every so often!!

[TRshady]

Hey Fordie, my post wasn't directed at you bro, not was it any kind of attack, just a simple point I was making that some of the best poetry doesn't rhyme, it's all about creative writing and the message contained along with how it's interpreted. Oh and I have no Poetry for Dummies book, just a load of worksheets a teacher handed out in college.

[4D]

Hey Fordie, my post wasn't directed at you bro, not was it any kind of attack, just a simple point I was making that some of the best poetry doesn't rhyme, it's all about creative writing and the message contained along with how it's interpreted. Oh and I have no Poetry for Dummies book, just a load of worksheets a teacher handed out in college.

Cool man, thought you were beefing with me Joke!

Let`s agree to disagree about the rhymes thing. Next thing you`ll tell me that there`s such a thing as a poem having only 3 lines!

Let`s be honest man poems that don`t rhymes suck!!

Here i`ll give you one, gimme some feedback!


whistling upon a breeze to the beat of autumn
Leaves fall like snowflakes, brightening my day
Summers lost sun cast a shadow overbearing
That beautiful instance embossed by warm rain
Last glimpses of a nostalgiac daydream
A damp wet evening reflecting life`s failure
Shin deep in brownish yellow leaf piles
Sometimes i wonder why the sun has to fade!


Tell me what ya think, done in 2 minutes!