Why Do Men Have Nipples: Weed....and Old people

by **Dark Blue** » Sep 9th, '10, 02:42

Getting older:

IS IT TRUE THAT YOU LOSE TASTEBUDS
AS YOU GET OLDER?

You finally have time and money to relax, travel, and have a good meal. The bad news is you
probably can barely taste this meal.
Starting at age forty-five, tastebuds begin to lose much of their sensitivity. Older people
often lose their ability to sense bitter or salty flavors altogether. You start your life with about
nine thousand tastebuds and in old age you have less than half of that.
You want some more bad news? Aging also causes decreased hearing, sight, smell, and
touch.

WHY DOES HAIR TURN GRAY?

All the hairs on our head contain pigment cells that contain melanin. Pigment cells in our hair
follicles gradually die as we age. The decrease in melanin causes the hair to become a more
transparent color like gray, silver, or white.
Premature gray hair is hereditary, but it has also been associated with smoking and
vitamin deficiencies. Early onset of gray hair (from birth to puberty) can be associated with
medical syndromes including dyslexia.
A more interesting question is why old ladies insist on trying to cover up their gray hair
with bright blue hair dye.

WHY DO YOU SHRINK AS YOU GET OLDER?

Some of us don’t have a lot of inches to lose. In height, that is.
Unfortunately, we all will get a little shorter as we age. This takes place over many years,
and ultimately we all lose an inch or so. Gravity is responsible for some of this height loss.
You lose muscle and fat as you age and gravity weighs down especially on the bones in your
spine and may cause compression. This explains why all those senior drivers in Florida can
barely see over the dashboard.

WHY DO OLD LADIES GROW BEARDS?

The easy answer would be to work in a carnival, but it is actually not that simple.
At menopause, the ratio of male hormones, or androgens, to estrogen begins to change.
This can produce mild increases in facial hair. The amount or thickness of facial hair is
hereditary and how thickly hair follicles are distributed throughout the skin is determined at
birth. Some ethnic groups or nationalities are more likely to develop facial hair than others.
Some medical conditions can cause excessive hair growth, so it is always wise to check
with your doctor especially if you are a woman experiencing five o’clock shadow.

DO YOUR NAILS OR HAIR GROW AFTER
YOU DIE?

Human nails and hair do not grow after death. The fact of the matter is that after you die, your
body starts to dry out, creating the illusion that your hair and nails are still growing as the rest
of you shrivels up.

WHAT ARE AGE SPOTS?

Age spots are also known as sunspots or lentigines. They are flat, brown discolorations of the
skin that usually occur on the back of the hands, neck, and face of people older than forty
years of age.
Age spots are caused by an increased number of pigment-producing cells in the skin. As
our skin becomes thinner with age, it also becomes more translucent, which makes these
spots more obvious. Age spots are caused by the skin being exposed to the sun over many
years and are a sign of sun damage. They are not harmful and do not represent skin cancer

.

IS LIFE SPAN DETERMINED STRICTLY BY
GENETICS?

How we age as individuals is a complex interaction of genetic and environmental factors.
There have been many studies that try to assess how much of our longevity is determined by
our genes. Scientists have known for several years that people who live the longest often
have children who also have long life spans. The life spans of adoptees seem to be more
closely correlated to those of their birth parents than to those of their adoptive parents. One
study of twins reared apart suggests about a 30 percent role for heredity in life span, but
others say the influence is even smaller. Recent research seems to indicate that the process
of aging and life span may be determined by your mother’s X chromosome. Incessant
maternal nagging, however, could reverse any beneficial genetics.

WEED AND DRINKING:

“BEER BEFORE LIQUOR, NEVER SICKER/
LIQUOR BEFORE BEER, NEVER FEAR”?

This one isn’t all that clear. Or maybe it’s because of those drinks we just had.
The biggest problem with this rhyme is that nobody seems to remember how it goes. As
for the science, there is no research to prove or disprove it.
One theory about this little ditty attempts to explain that the carbonation in beer causes
increased alcohol absorption. There is no proof that this is true. Nor should you believe that
coffee will help you with a hangover or that bread will absorb the alcohol in your system. Only
time will cure your pain as you wait for the alcohol to leave your bloodstream.
Intoxication is defined as a blood alcohol level of 100 mg/dL (.10%). In adults, the level
usually falls about 15 to 20 mg/dL per hour. Everyone metabolizes differently, but on average
it would take about six to eight hours for you to return to normal from a mild drunken state.
Blood Alcohol
Concentration
Symptoms
.02% light-headed
.05% mild euphoria
.08% loss of critical judgment
.10% lack of coordination and balance
.15% disorientation
.20% vomiting
.30% drunken stupor
.40% coma
.45%+ death
Simply put, alcohol causes intoxication, so the more you drink, the sicker you get. It
doesn’t have anything to do with the order in which you tend to chug your beer or wine.
As for the dreaded hangover that follows, it is caused mainly by dehydration and
interrupted sleep. The sleep and water that will ultimately cure you are not as interesting as
some of these famous hangover cures:
1. The Prairie Oyster (olive oil, tablespoon of tomato ketchup, one egg yolk, salt and pepper,
Tabasco, Worcestershire sauce, vinegar or lemon juice)
2. Cold pizza
3. IV fluids (helps to date an M.D. or paramedic)
4. The hair of the dog that bit you (i.e., the blessed Bloody Mary)
5. Vitamins B and C
6. And the most effective, and most expensive, kidney dialysis

CAN POPPY SEEDS MAKE YOU TEST
POSITIVE FOR HEROIN?

If it’s the Jewish holiday Purim and you plan on competing in the Olympics, you may want to
think twice before gorging on poppy seed hamantaschen. Eating enough poppy seeds can
cause your urine to test positive for opiates. It is difficult to say how many poppy seeds you
need to eat to fail your drug test, but some reports have stated that three poppy seed bagels,
for example, could generate a positive test result. Pastries and cookies that contain heavy
amounts of poppy seeds, like hamantaschen, could also lead to a positive test. There is an
additional test that looks for certain chemicals present in heroin that are not present in poppy
seeds. So, your athletic future really will depend on the exact test you are taking.
What is the poppy seed–heroin connection? Cultivated poppies are the source of opium,
from which morphine and heroin are produced.

CAN A HAIR SAMPLE BE USED IN A
DRUG TEST?

Hold the Rogaine. If you are bald, there may be another advantage besides the cost savings
on hair products. You won’t have any hair to offer for your drug test.
As drugs are ingested into the body, they circulate in a person’s bloodstream. Trace
amounts of these drugs or the drug metabolites are deposited in the hair follicle. As the hair
grows, they remain stored in the core of the hair shaft.
When a person is tested, samples are taken at various levels in the hair shaft so that a
reasonably accurate approximation can be made of how long ago a particular drug was used.
Drugs or drug metabolites cannot be washed, bleached, or flushed out of the hair follicle.
The major practical advantage of hair testing compared with urine testing for drugs is that
it can show that drug use occurred in the past weeks to months, depending on the length of
the hair shaft, versus within only the past two to four days for other tests. Hair analysis is the
least invasive of the testing methods but might not reveal recent use. Blood analysis is the
most accurate but definitely invasive. Urine analysis is typically the least expensive and can
detect infrequent or a recent single use. Urine analysis is the most commonly used form of
drug testing.
So, if you constantly hit the bong, you might want to consider shaving your head.

DOES PUTTING SOMEONE IN A SHOWER
OR GIVING HIM OR HER COFFEE STOP
A DRUG OVERDOSE?

Alcohol is the most common drug that leads people to throw their friends in the shower or
force-feed them coffee. Time is the only thing that will sober up a drunk person. Coffee,
showers, exercise, sweating it out, fresh air, or any other method will not increase the rate at
which alcohol is eliminated from the body. The liver just needs the time to metabolize the
alcohol.
As for other, more hardcore drugs, the coffee won’t help, but keeping someone awake
until help arrives could be a lifesaver. Heroin and other opiates cause you to stop breathing,
and this leads to cardiac arrest. Remember, coffee is only a temporary measure and medical
help should be sought for any drug overdose. If someone stops breathing, you should begin
CPR. The shower is probably unnecessary, and a big waste of precious time.

WHY DO YOU THROW UP WHEN YOU
DRINK TOO MUCH?

Vomiting from excessive drinking is simply your body’s way of getting rid of the toxins in
alcohol quickly. Vomiting is not a bad thing in this case, but repeated hurling can lead to
potentially life-threatening dehydration and electrolyte imbalances. There is also the danger of
choking on vomit, like the guy from Led Zeppelin.
The urge to vomit comes from two anatomically and functionally separate units—a
vomiting center and a chemoreceptor trigger zone. The vomiting center, which has overall
control of vomiting, is located in the part of the brain called the medulla. The chemoreceptor
trigger zone, which sends signals to the vomiting center, is found in the fourth ventricle of the
brain. The ventricles are a system of four communicating cavities in the brain that are filled
with cerebrospinal fluid. Alcohol probably acts on the chemoreceptor trigger zone.
In the hospital vomiting is referred to as emesis, but many doctors prefer these more
colorful terms:
puke
barf
uneat
blow chow
ride the porcelain bus
pray to the porcelain god
technicolor yawn
toss your cookies
lose your lunch
feed the fish
spill the groceries

DOES TAKING ECSTASY CAUSE YOU TO
LOSE YOUR MEMORY?

This is a question that gets asked a lot, both because of the increasing popularity of Ecstasy
and the fact that people keep forgetting that they asked in the first place. So, yes, Ecstasy
probably does cause memory loss.
Ecstasy, or MDMA (3–4 methylenedioxymethamphetamine), is a synthetic psychoactive
drug chemically similar
to the stimulant methamphetamine and the hallucinogen mescaline. Some refer to it as a
“designer amphetamine.”
One of the major results from the use of Ecstasy is that both in short-term and long-term
use it could have serious effects on brain cells. Specifically, Ecstasy harms neurons that
release serotonin, a brain chemical thought to play an important role in regulating memory
and other important functions. Case reports and interviews with Ecstasy users report memory
loss, depression, alterations in sleep, and anxiety. Memory deficits seem to persist even after
stopping the use of Ecstasy.

DOES DRINKING KILL BRAIN CELLS?

In the process of researching this book, the authors had a working dinner, and in the course
of our hard work, we consumed large quantities of beer, wine, and tequila. As we stumbled
down the street, Mark insisted that he was fine to take the train home. Better judgment
prevailed, and I wrestled him into a cab. The cab drove away and I started to walk home. A
block later, I came upon the cab and found Mark fumbling with his empty wallet in the
backseat. I opened the door. Mark, with no memory of our evening, said, “What are you doing
here?” Alcohol surely kills brain cells.
To properly answer this question we must separate light to moderate drinking from heavy
drinking. We also need to separate temporary from permanent damage.
In general, alcohol doesn’t specifically kill brain cells but alcohol damages the dendrites,
the small branches that extend from the cells and receive information. The mechanism of
action for intoxication is multifactorial but the end result is the slurred speech, clumsiness,
slow reflexes, and loss of inhibition that we associate with being drunk. This damage isn’t
permanent in light to moderate usage. This means you can have one to seven drinks a week
and be just fine.
Heavy alcohol use does clearly cause neurological damage. CT scans of chronic
alcoholics can show brain atrophy and studies have shown that heavy use damages
retrospective memory. Alcoholism can produce Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome, which is
caused by deficiency of the B-vitamin thiamine; alcohol decreases the absorption of this
vitamin, and alcoholics also don’t have the healthiest diets. Patients with this condition have
symptoms such as confusion, delirium, disorientation, inattention, memory loss, and
drowsiness. If thiamine is not given promptly, the syndrome may progress to stupor, coma,
and death.

WHY DOES THE BED SPIN AFTER A LONG
NIGHT AT THE BAR?

Nothing is worse than the moment when you hit the sheets and the room starts to spin. Trying
to explain why this happens causes almost as much dizziness.
The vestibular system is a complicated network of passageways and chambers within the
inner ear, all of which work together to control equilibrium and balance. Inside there are tubes
and sacs that contain different fluids, each of which has a different composition. When you
are healthy, and both sides of your vestibular system are functioning properly, both sides
send symmetrical impulses to the brain. When someone gets very intoxicated, the alcohol
changes the density of the blood and this affects the intricate system of balance. That is when
the spinning starts. This is very similar to the condition called vertigo.

WHY DO YOU SNORE SO LOUD WHEN YOU
ARE DRUNK?

There is a common serenade in any emergency room. The coarse snore of the regular
alcoholic fills the air. Normally, we just ignore it. But sometimes, too much alcohol actually
impedes the breathing process. We fix this easily with a short small rubber tube in the nose,
an aptly named nasal trumpet. Alcohol increases snoring by relaxing the muscles that hold
the throat open, allowing the soft palate tissue and uvula to flutter more as air passes.

IS RED WINE REALLY GOOD FOR YOUR
HEALTH?

Finally, some good news.
Historically there has been a belief that wine has medicinal properties. Hippocrates and
Thomas Jefferson both considered wine an important part of their health regimens. Louis
Pasteur, the famous French biologist, said, “Wine is the most healthful and hygienic of
beverages.”
There now is an enormous amount of research about what has been called “the French
Paradox,” that despite a diet rich in fats there is a lower-than-expected prevalence of
cardiovascular disease among the Gauls.
Scientific studies have linked this surprising fact to the moderate consumption of alcohol,
specifically red wine. Red wine has also been linked to a reduced risk of some cancers,
atherosclerosis, heart disease, and even the common cold.
So drink a whole bottle tonight. Your bed will spin but you probably won’t have a heart
attack.

DOES MARIJUANA HELP GLAUCOMA?

There are some important medical uses for marijuana, and some of these lead to solid
arguments for legalization. However, the use of marijuana for glaucoma does not appear to
have any benefit over available medications.
Marijuana does reduce pressure in the eye, but in order to sustain this reduction you
would have to smoke about ten to twelve joints a day. Your eye pressure might be lower but
you will be too stoned to get anything else accomplished except naked guitar playing,
gluttonous pork rind consumption, or deriving profound meaning from Rob Schneider films.

SHOULD YOU DRINK BRANDY WHEN YOU
HAVE FROSTBITE?

The arrival of the Saint Bernard with the little cask around its neck is a heartwarming image
but drinking alcohol to warm yourself or prevent frostbite doesn’t make any medical sense,
we’re sorry to report. Alcohol consumption actually can be dangerous in these conditions as it
decreases blood circulation and thus can enhance heat loss and impair shivering.

CAN YOU GET HIGH FROM LICKING A TOAD?

Poor, sad toads. They always seem to take a backseat to the frogs. Frogs get kissed and turn
into princes, and toads just get to cause warts. Well, here is some good news for toads.
Toads do not cause warts. Toads do, however, produce a protective substance in the parotid
gland behind the eyes. This toxin can make animals, such as dogs, very sick and can be
irritating to the human eye. But some people go way beyond touching toads and actually lick
them in an attempt to get high from a “psychedelic” substance supposedly found on its skin.
The species known as the Bufo toad does have a psychedelic substance on its skin. This
substance is similar to serotonin and LSD and can cause hallucinations. Be careful when
trying this method because some people have been arrested for toad licking.