DOES IT REALLY TAKE SEVEN YEARS TO
DIGEST CHEWING GUM?
What is it with seven years? You break a mirror, seven years of bad luck. Each dog year is
seven human years. Seven years to digest swallowed gum? What if a dog broke a mirror then
swallowed a pack of gum? Sounds like an algebra problem.
Chewing gum is not digestible but it definitely doesn’t sit in your stomach for years. Gum
actually might help things move through the bowels faster. Sorbitol is sometimes used as a
sweetener in gum and this can act as a laxative. What does this mean? Yes, if you look
carefully, you should see it floating next to all of those lovely yellow corn kernels.
DOES SUGAR REALLY MAKE KIDS
HYPERACTIVE?
Parents are always looking for an excuse to explain their children’s bad behavior, and sugar
has taken a lot of blame. This may come as no surprise, but the Coca-Cola Company doesn’t
want to take responsibility, and makes it very clear that studies have failed to find any
substantial evidence proving a relationship between sugar consumption and hyperactivity.
Well, the company is correct. Sugar does feed the body as an energy source, but it doesn’t
make kids hyperactive.
It is more likely that kids tend to eat sugary foods at times when they would be excited and
rambunctious anyway (parties, holidays, movies, weddings, funerals). This can only be good
news for the producers of such fine healthy treats as Cap’n Crunch with Crunchberries, Pixy
Stix, cotton candy, and Laffy Taffy.
WHAT CAUSES AN ICE CREAM HEADACHE?
Aaaah, the joy of a Popsicle on a hot summer day.
One theory places the source for the brain freeze in the sinuses, where the pain may be
caused by the rapid cooling of air in the frontal sinuses. This triggers local pain receptors.
Another theory postulates that the constriction of blood vessels in the roof and rear of the
mouth causes pain receptors to overload and refer the pain to your head. There is a nerve
center there, in the back of your mouth, called the sphenopalatine ganglion, and this is the
most likely source of the dreaded ice cream headache.
A friend of ours suggested a quick cure of rapidly rubbing your tongue on the roof of your
mouth to warm it up. Her demonstration included a bizarre clucking sound. Leyner tried this
and found himself followed by a large goose of whom he seems to have become inordinately
fond.
DOES EATING CHOCOLATE CAUSE ACNE?
For those of you who use chocolate as a substitute for sex, you can breathe a sigh of relief.
There is no evidence that acne is caused by chocolate. Acne is connected more to changing
hormones than to food choices.
Links have also been made between stress and acne. Recently, a group of dermatologists
set out to prove that this common belief was also a myth but they found the reverse. Their
study of twenty-two college students found that emotional stress was directly linked to acne
severity.
But back to the chocolate issue, the University of Pennsylvania and the U.S. Naval
Academy both demonstrated that chocolate does not cause acne. At the University of
Pennsylvania, researchers fed subjects “chocolate” bars with no chocolate, while another
group ate chocolate bars with nearly ten times as much chocolate as in a typical bar. Results
of the experiment showed no significant difference in acne in either group. Other forbidden
greasy foods like French fries, fried chicken, nachos, potato chips, and pork rinds probably
don’t cause dreaded zits either. So lighten up, kick back, and relax, and if that doesn’t work
go to McDonald’s for a supersize fries and a chocolate shake.
WHY DO YOU CRY WHEN YOU CUT ONIONS?
Cutting an onion releases an enzyme called lachrymatory-factor synthase. This starts the
process that leads to tears. This enzyme then reacts with amino acids of the onion and the
amino acids are converted to sulfenic acids. The sulfenic acids spontaneously rearrange to
form syn-propanethial-
S-oxide, which is released into the air. When this chemical reaches the eyes, it triggers the
tears by contacting nerve fibers on the cornea that activate the tear glands. Now you are
crying.
Scientists have tried to make a “noncrying” onion but it seems that the crying enzymes are
also responsible for the zesty onion flavor. But there may be some hope on the way. The
group of Japanese plant biochemists that only recently discovered lachrymatory-factor
synthase, the crying enzyme, believe that “it might be possible to develop a nonlachrymatory
onion by suppressing the lachrymatory-factor-synthase gene while increasing the yield of
thiosulphinate.” Sounds delicious!
In the meantime there are several solutions to try to avoid the problem of onion-induced
tears. Heating onions before chopping, cutting under a steady stream of water, or wearing
goggles.
The most reliable: ordering takeout.
DO CUCUMBERS RELIEVE PUFFY EYES?
A well-placed cucumber may feel wonderful, but there is no special ingredient in it that
reduces swelling under the eyes. Cucumbers are 90 percent water, and it is the cooling effect
of the water that constricts the blood vessels around the eyes, therefore decreasing the
swelling. The colder the cuke the better.
Some other swollen-eye solutions include black tea bags in cold water, the tannic acid
content being the key to reducing swelling. Hemorrhoid cream also helps, but I’d prefer puffy
eyes.
WHAT IS A FOOD COMA?
We are sitting at i Trulli, a top New York City Italian restaurant, and I have already unbuttoned
my pants as I try to gather strength for dessert. I glance to my left and my sister-in-law has
eaten herself to sleep. Her head is slumped on my wife’s shoulder and drool is about to begin
trickling from her mouth. After taking several pictures to add this event to family lore, I was
again asked about the cause of the dreaded food coma.
There are many possibilities as to what causes the classic “food coma.” Many people
report drowsiness after eating the traditional Thanksgiving meal. Turkey is blamed for this
soporific effect, specifically the amount of L-tryptophan contained in turkey. L-tryptophan is an
essential amino acid and is a precursor of serotonin. Both serotonin and L–tryptophan have a
calming, sedative effect in the human body.
L-tryptophan is naturally found in turkey protein but is actually present in many plants and
animals, including chicken and cows. The average serving of turkey (about 100 grams or 3.5
ounces) contains a similar amount of
L-tryptophan as found in an average serving of chicken and ground beef.
Two other factors that contribute to the desire to sleep at the dinner table are meal
composition and increased blood flow to the gastrointestinal tract. Studies have shown that a
solid-food meal resulted in faster fatigue onset than a liquid diet. The solid-food meal also
causes a variety of substances to jump into action that ultimately leads to increased blood
flow to the abdomen. This increase in blood flow and an increase in the metabolic rate for
digestion can contribute to the “coma.”
Now, I can tell the end of the family story. A good double espresso can sometimes be
enough of a pick-me-up to get through dessert. But, in an attempt to resuscitate her comatose
sister, my wife took her to the bathroom to splash water on her face and press her belly
against the cold bathroom tiles. Unfortunately, time is the only true cure for the food coma.
CAN CARROTS HELP IMPROVE YOUR VISION?
The Roman emperor Caligula believed that carrots had the properties of an aphrodisiac,
making men more potent and women more submissive. He is said to have fed the entire
Roman Senate a banquet of only carrots so that he could watch the senators fornicate like
wild beasts. This has nothing to do with eyesight, but it is quite a tale.
The carrot myth dates back to World War II when the British Royal Air Force was
attempting to hide the fact that it had developed a sophisticated airborne radar system to
shoot down German bombers. They bragged that the great accuracy of British fighter pilots at
night was a result of them being fed enormous quantities of carrots. It is true that carrots are
rich in beta-carotene, which is essential for sight. The body converts beta-carotene to vitamin
A, and extreme vitamin A deficiency can cause blindness. However, only a small amount of
beta-carotene is necessary for good vision. If you’re not deficient in vitamin A, your vision
won’t improve no matter how many carrots you eat.
In fact, the ingestion of excess vitamin A can cause toxicity, which can include symptoms
such as yellow-orange coloring of the skin, hair loss, weight loss, fatigue, and headache.
DOES COFFEE STUNT YOUR GROWTH?
I, Billy Goldberg, would like to dedicate this answer to my dear friend caffeine. He has been
with me through good times and bad. Without him I would not have survived the long nights of
my hospital residency nor the deadline of this book. To my friend I proclaim, “I do not hold you
responsible that I am only five foot nine!”
Actually there has been considerable research on whether caffeine consumption is linked
to osteoporosis. Overall, it can be concluded that moderate caffeine consumption is not an
important risk factor for osteoporosis, particularly where women consume a healthy balanced
diet. Some research suggests that regular caffeine consumption may lead to loss of calcium
in the urine, but this does not have a measurable effect on bone density either. So as long as
you have a balanced diet with adequate calcium intake, you can enjoy your espresso with no
cause for concern.
So, why did our parents scare us with this myth when we wanted coffee as children?
Probably for the same reason that they invoked the fear of losing an eye whenever we ran
with scissors or snapped a towel. Pure parental mind control.
WHY DOES SPICY FOOD MAKE YOUR NOSE
RUN?
There is nothing quite like that rush you get when you mistake the wasabi for pistachio ice
cream. But alas, this doesn’t lead to nose running. That is because wasabi does not contain
capsaicin, the extremely irritating chemical found in jalapeño or habanero peppers. Capsaicin
is believed to stimulate central nervous system fibers that control the quantity and thickness
of mucus and other fluids secreted in the nasal passages and stomach.
For you trivia nerds, heat in peppers is measured on something called the Scoville Scale:
0–100 Scoville units includes most bell/sweet pepper varieties.
100–500 Scoville units includes pepperoncinis.
500–1000 Scoville units includes New Mexico peppers.
1,000–1,500 Scoville units includes Espanola peppers.
1,000–2,000 Scoville units includes ancho and pasilla peppers.
1,000–2,500 Scoville units includes Cascabel and cherry peppers.
2,500–5,000 Scoville units includes jalapeño and Mirasol peppers.
5,000–15,000 Scoville units includes serrano peppers.
15,000–30,000 Scoville units includes the Chile de Arbol peppers.
30,000–50,000 Scoville units includes cayenne and Tabasco peppers.
50,000–100,000 Scoville units includes chiltepin peppers.
100,000–350,000 Scoville units includes Scotch Bonnet and Thai peppers.
200,000 to 300,000 Scoville units includes habanero peppers.
Around 16,000,000 Scoville units is pure
capsaicin.
The single hottest known pepper is the Red Savina habanero. If you think the jalapeño
makes your nose run, the Red Savina will leave you wading knee-deep in a puddle of your
own nasal secretions.
DOES SPICY FOOD CAUSE ULCERS?
No, spicy foods do not cause ulcers. Stomach ulcers can be aggravated by a nice dash of
Tabasco sauce. Drinking alcohol, smoking, or experiencing stress can also make ulcers
worse.
Most stomach ulcers are caused either by infection from a bacterium calledHelicobacter
pylori (H. pylori) or by overuse of anti-inflammatory pain medications such as aspirin or
ibuprofen. The ulcers caused by bacteria can be treated with antibiotics and the others
treated by an end to the pill popping.
BATHROOM HUMOR
CAN YOU DRINK YOUR OWN URINE?
Thanks to our wonderful democratic society, you can do whatever you want. The better
question is, Why would you want to drink your own piss?
Drinking small amounts of your own urine is probably safe. It is made up of 95 percent
water, 2.5 percent urea, and 2.5 percent salt, other minerals, hormones, and enzymes.
Actually, some folks consider it to have therapeutic properties. Ask the Chinese Association of
Urine Therapy. They say urine is sterile, antiseptic, and nontoxic.
For serious yoga practitioners, drinking one’s urine is called amaroli. One of the most
famous users of urine therapy was the prime minister of India from 1977 to 1979, Morarji
Desai. At the celebration of his ninety-ninth birthday, Desai attributed his longevity to drinking
urine on a daily basis. But, we plan on sticking to morning coffee, a good glass of cabernet,
and an occasional Yoo-hoo, even if it knocks a year or two off our life spans.
WHY CAN YOU IGNITE A FART?
• An average fart is composed of about 59 percent nitrogen, 21 percent hydrogen, 9
percent carbon dioxide, 7 percent methane, and 4 percent oxygen. Less than 1 percent
of its makeup is what makes a fart stink.
• The temperature of a fart at its time of creation is 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit.
• Farts have been clocked at a speed of ten feet per second.
• A person produces about half a liter of farts a day.
• Women fart as much as men.
• The gas that makes your farts stink is the hydrogen sulfide gas. This gas contains sulfur,
which is the smelly component. The more sulfur-rich your diet, the more your farts will
stink. Some foods that cause really smelly farts include beans, cabbage, cheese, and
eggs. Also soda.
• Most people pass gas about fourteen times a day.
All are important facts, but back to the question: Is it really possible to ignite farts?
The answer to that is yes!
The flammable character of farts is due to hydrogen and methane. The proportions of
these gases depend largely on the bacteria that live in the human colon that digest, or
ferment, food that has not been absorbed by the gastrointestinal tract before reaching the
colon.
There is some danger associated with igniting flatulence. Fraternity guys don’t seem to
care.
WHY DO YOU GET ALL “PRUNEY” AFTER A
LONG BATH?
There is nothing like a long soak in a bath to relax your soul. The problem is that you have to
deal with the ghastly sight of your hands and feet after exiting. The simple answer for why this
occurs is that our outer layer of skin (the epidermis) absorbs a little bit of water when we soak
too long in the tub. Voilá! Old lady flesh!
The skin on the feet and hands is thicker than the skin on the rest of the body and
therefore makes any changes more noticeable. As the epidermis expands, the layer below it,
the dermis, does not swell, so the epidermis buckles in areas. Lovely, right?
IS IT MORE SANITARY TO BE SPIT ON OR
PEED ON?
There is no specific course in medical school to deal with all the secretions that you find
yourself faced with as a doctor. It is definitely a rude awakening to find yourself being
coughed on, spit on, and even urinated on. All doctors have been doused in a variety of bodily
fluids.
One wonderful evening in the ER, I heard a nurse screaming. I found her desperately
trying to keep a drunk patient who had passed out from hitting the floor. He was not a small
man, and the dead weight was too much to manage. The only way I could get him back on
the stretcher was to grab him from behind and throw myself on the stretcher with the patient
on top of me. Simple. I could then just roll him over. I unfortunately didn’t plan on him using
me as a bedpan the instant we hit the bed.
This is disgusting, of course, but when faced with the option of being urinated on or spat
on, I would choose urine. No, this is not a fetish. Normal urine is sterile. It contains fluids,
salts, and waste products, but it is free of bacteria, viruses, and fungi. It is not always fragrant,
but is certainly cleaner than spit. Spit contains large amounts of bacteria and thus is filthy.
WHY DO BEANS GIVE YOU GAS?
It is unbelievable how much information there is available about farts. Flatulence is the
subject of numerous medical studies, books, and CDs. One company even makes a fart filter
and underpants designed to absorb odor. But among all this gaseous information it always
comes back to the bean, the most famous farting food.
Beans contain high percentages of sugars (oligosaccharides) that our bodies are unable
to digest. When these sugars make it to our intestines, bacteria go to work and start
producing large amounts of gas. We also form gas from other sources, including the air we
swallow, gas that seeps into our intestines from the bloodstream, and carbon dioxide formed
from saliva reacting with stomach acid.
There is some help available for those who can’t handle their beans. A product called
Beano is readily available. Beano contains a food enzyme extracted from mold, one alphagalactosidase,
that helps to break down the complex sugars in gassy foods. Another method
is to soak beans before you cook them, as this cuts down on their gas-producing power if you
then discard the water. Unfortunately, you also lose some water-soluble vitamins by doing
this.Other flatugenic foods are broccoli, brussels sprouts, cooked cabbage, raw apples,
radishes, onions, cucumbers, melons, coffee, peanuts, eggs, oranges, tomatoes,
strawberries, milk, and raisins.
Notice the abundance of vegetables on the fart-producing list. That is why those
vegetarians are always passing wind in yoga class as they contort themselves into weird
positions.
WOULD YOU DIE IF YOU ATE YOUR
OWN FECES?
There is a psychiatric illness called coprophagia, the eating of one’s own feces. It is an
uncommonly reported symptom that can be seen in patients with schizophrenia, alcoholism,
dementia, depression, Kluver-Bucy syndrome (ask Mark), and obsessive-compulsive
disorder. Scatolia, the smearing of feces, is often seen in psychiatric hospitals. Highfunctioning
individuals may sometimes exhibit coprophagia as part of a paraphilia or abnormal
sexual arousal disorder. There are even some claims that Eva Braun urinated and defecated
on Adolf Hitler. Sexy!
You can get very sick by eating feces. It shouldn’t be fatal, but complications from
snacking on shit include hepatitis, oral infection, abscess, and a variety of other infectious
diseases. Besides that, think of the morning breath.
WILL YOU GET HEMORRHOIDS FROM
SITTING ON THE TOILET TOO LONG?
We have no pretensions about this book, and we expect it to be found in that precious spot
right next to the toilet. For that reason, we fear we need to warn you that sitting too long on
the throne may cause hemorrhoids. Unfortunately, this one’s not an old wives’ tale.
Hemorrhoids, or piles, are abnormally swollen veins in the rectum and anus. They are
similar to the varicose veins you might see on a person’s legs at the beach. It’s estimated that
about one hundred million Americans are currently suffering from hemorrhoids. More than half
of the U.S. population develops hemorrhoids by age fifty. The most frequent causes of
hemorrhoids are constant sitting, straining with bowel movements (from constipation or hard
stools), prolonged sitting on the toilet, severe coughing, giving birth, and heavy lifting. It has
also been suggested that the Western diet, which is rich in processed food and lacking in
fiber, contributes to hemorrhoids.
Sitting on the toilet too long is problematic because this is the only time that the anus truly
relaxes, allowing the veins down there to fill completely with blood. To prevent this problem,
you should move your bowels as soon as possible after the urge occurs. If you cannot go
right away, pick up our book (we expect it to be toilet reading) but read as you walk. You can
always return to finish the job.
WHY DOES POO STINK IF THE FOOD
DOESN’T?
We don’t want to create any cultural stereotypes here, but most of the bathroom questions
came from folks from Down Under. Yes, two Aussie friends seem to ask many questions
about their bowels.
Everything that happens in the intestine seems to have something to do with the
production of gases and sulfur compounds. The bacteria inside feces is what makes it smell
so bad. Specifically, the bacteria produce various compounds and gases that lead to the
wonderful smell of a bus station bathroom. The smell of your stool can be affected by medical
conditions or your diet. Fatty stools and bloody stools are known to be particularly
malodorous. In the hospital, a large, ripe poo is known as a code brown. How’s that for real
insider knowledge?
WHY DOES POO FLOAT?
Some people seem to be obsessed with the creation of the perfect poo. My brother even
called me in to examine his works of art, a true bonding moment for young boys. Another
friend described his perfect moment for us when he produced the cobra—one that coiled
around and poked its head out of the bowl. There is something about “dropping the kids off at
the pool” that makes us all smile. So, laugh if you must, but we’re sure you’ve wondered why
some poos are floaters.
It is gas that makes poo float. Increased levels of air and gas make it less dense and
therefore cause it to float.
WHY IS POO BROWN?
It is very common to have people ask about the color of their stool to figure out how it relates
to disease. There are definitely some color changes that can be cause for concern, but in
general assessing stool color is no exact science.
Feces are mostly shades of brown or yellow because of the presence of an orange-yellow
substance called bilirubin. Bilirubin combines with iron in the intestine to give the combo a
beautiful brown color.
Poo does, however, have a rainbow of possibilities:
• Black:A black stool (melena) can mean that blood is coming from the upper part of the
gastrointestinal tract, the esophagus, stomach, or first part of the small intestine. Other
things that can cause black stool are black licorice, lead, iron pills, Pepto-Bismol, or
blueberries.
• Green:Green, leafy vegetables contain chlorophyll, which can color the stool green.
Green feces can also occur with diarrhea if bile passes through the intestine unchanged.
In breast-fed babies, green stool is a normal occurrence, especially right after delivery.
• Red:Maroon stool or bright red blood in poo usually suggests that the blood is coming
from the lower part of the GI tract. Hemorrhoids and diverticulitis are the most common
causes of red blood in the stool. Beets and tomatoes can also make stools appear
reddish.
• Gray:Diseases of the liver, pancreas, and gallbladder can cause pale or gray stool.
• Yellow:One condition that can cause yellow stool is a parasitic infection known as giardia.
Giardia also causes significant diarrhea. Another cause of yellow poo is a condition
known as Gilbert’s syndrome. This is a fairly common genetic disorder that causes an
increase in your level of bilirubin. Gilbert’s syndrome is rarely dangerous
WHERE DOES GAS GO WHEN YOU CAN’T
FART?
Some people like to think of their lower gastrointestinal tract as a one-way street. One time
during a rectal examination during a trauma, a frightened young man screamed out as the
doctor was placing his finger in the man’s rectum, “Whoa, that’s an exit!”
Flatulence follows that same rule. Gas goes out or it simply goes away.
IF YOU ARE STRANDED ON A DESERT
ISLAND, SHOULD YOU DRINK SEAWATER
OR YOUR OWN URINE?
Seawater is more than three times as concentrated as blood. Humans shouldn’t drink salt
water because it forces your body to deal with a solution that is more concentrated than its
own fluids. In order to get rid of the excess salt, your body must excrete it through the kidneys
as urine. The kidneys can only make urine that is less salty than salt water, so if you drink
seawater, you’ll be peeing a lot and losing an excess of water. This would cause your body to
become dehydrated, leaving an excess of sodium in your bloodstream. Water would then
leave all your other cells to enter the bloodstream. This would cause the cells to shrink and
malfunction. As a result, muscles would become weak and ache, the heart would beat
irregularly, you would become confused, and ultimately you would die.
Drinking urine is probably safer than seawater, but the catch-22 is that if you don’t have
any water to drink, you will become dehydrated and not produce any urine. The best bet is to
not get shipwrecked and if you do, hope for rain.
CAN YOU CATCH DISEASES FROM A
TOILET SEAT?
By doing research we found reports of gonorrhea, toilet-seat dermatitis (infragluteal eczema),
ascaris lumbricoides (roundworm), and enterobius vermicularis (pinworm). We know what you
are thinking. After carefully washing our hands, we went back to our computers and came
across more information.
Yes, occasionally you can catch something from a public toilet seat but this isn’t all that
common. Work, on the other hand, may be worse for your health than toilet seats. A
microbiologist at the University of Arizona, Charles Gerba, found that the typical office desk
harbors around four hundred times more disease-causing bacteria than the average toilet
seat. Here is the bacteria count:
telephone: 3,894 germs per square centimeter
keyboard: 511 germs per square centimeter
computer mouse: 260 germs per square centimeter
toilet seat: priceless
IS IT DANGEROUS TO HOLD IT WHEN YOU
HAVE TO PEE?
My junior high school biology teacher instilled fear in our young hearts when he told us that if
we got into a car accident with a full bladder, the bladder could rupture. He was right. In
general, a full bladder ruptures more easily than an empty bladder.
This doesn’t mean that your bladder will explode if you hold in your urine because your
dad, husband, or brother won’t make a pit stop.
Our bodies have a nonvoluntary reflex mechanism to prevent our bladder from getting too
distended, called the micturition reflex. When our bladder gets distended, there are stretch
receptors in the bladder wall that let us know that it is time to go. As we all know, this is not
the most comfortable sensation (if you wait too long). These sensory neurons cause
contractions that can become strong enough to overcome the muscle tone holding the urethra
shut and release all that urine.
WHAT CAUSES THE RUMBLING IN YOUR
STOMACH WHEN YOU HAVE TO GO?
Borborygmi:bor•bo•ryg•mi; noun, plural : rumbling sounds caused by gas moving through
the intestines.
Certainly not a word learned in medical school, or that can be easily used in a sentence.
These rumbling sounds are a normal part of digestion. They are generated from muscular
activity in the stomach and small intestine as the food, gas, and fluids are mixed together and
pushed through the intestine. This squeezing of the muscular walls is called peristalsis. Many
people associate these sounds with hunger because they are louder and echo more when the
intestine is empty. Yum!
