Losing Loved Ones

[James R.]

It's something that most people have experienced unfortunately, but a few days ago a close friend of mine lost her grandfather. He more or less raised her and was her main male role model. All that to say they were extremely close and she's having a hell of a time dealing with it. I personally don't "deal" with loss. I just push it outta my mind until I can think about it and not get so upset, but she needs some better advice. Any suggestions?

I've suggested talking/writing about it, working out, reading, shopping, going out with close friends (just for the laughs ya know?), and a couple other things, but a lot of it isn't really her style and she's not ready for some of yet (going out, etc.), so anything will help. I just wanna give her some ideas so she doesn't lose weeks of her life to mourning because no one wants that.

Thanks in advance.

[Wic Kid]

I dont know, man. I dont think theres really any pattern. Its just sumthin you have to deal with on your own, you know? I lost my best friend in a car crash a year ago. I was totally fucked up. Now Im good. But not a day goes by that I dont think of him. You just have to let time do its thing, thats it...

[James R.]

Yeah I know what you guys are saying, I just lost a lot of time when my aunt died and I don't want that to happen to her. She's about to go to college and stuff and I wanna help her start as close to normal as possible

[mcZu]

Music, it can work really therapuetic. Doesn't matter what kind of music actually, depends on her taste.. but some deep/soulfull shit is always good.

Reading and writing might help like you sugested yourself. Takes the mind off of the subject, however, writing your feelings down might be even better.

There are two ways to deal with this. You can either try to forget 'bout what happened -and pratically live an illusion, or try to accept what happened and move on with your life. I know the latter might be hard to do, but it is the appropiate option in terms of the long term. Acceptance is the last stage in the 5 stages of grief model. First you hit denial, then the anger phase, after that you start negotiating with yourself. You try to get the best deal out of this grief, hence, the third stage is called the bargaining stage. Then, the phase we all know best hits, depression. If you work yourself out of that stage by trying to accept what happened, then you have dealt with the grief and hopefully then you can move on with your life.

Dunno in which stage your friend is now, but depression is the hardest to come out off... Because accepting the lose of a loved one is fucking hard. Music always helps, it eases the soul. I hope she can work her self out of it, 'cause in the end, it's she who has to accept it. Though she needs you as a friend, but you probably already know that, lol.

[James R.]

Yeah. Guess I'll just be there for her as much as possible. Sucks tho

[mcZu]

Talking to her 'bout it helps, but only if she's ready to talk 'bout it.

[Jay-19]

What I did when I lost my half brother was listening to music day in and day out.
I don't think I didn't have music on for over 20 minutes in like 2 weeks.
Surprisingly, that helped me out a lot. Then after 2 weeks I started hanging out with almost ALL of my friends at the same time, and I'm so glad I did. Because they helped me even more than music.

So that's my advice to your friend, music and friends.

There's nothing better to heal you.


Sorry to hear about your friends loss by the way.

[James R.]

Thanks man. She agreed to come out to the mall today with a couple of us and she hasn't really even talked to anyone of us since she found out, so it's a good sign.

[Jay-19]

^ Yeah, it helps to talk. Maybe she won't talk about what has happened, but just talk about random stuff helps a lot too.

[James R.]

Yeah I'm gonna try to keep her mind off that shit. Let her escape it.

[Jay-19]

Yeah I'm gonna try to keep her mind off that shit. Let her escape it.

Good idea.

[Tornado]

You just gotta go through the D.D.A.A (Denial, Depression, Anger, Acceptance) stage and like Chet said you can't rush through it, everyone is different but just keep them active like just going outside for a walk to clear your thoughts

[James R.]

Took her out to the mall. She had a great time. Said that it really took her mind off things and that she felt more like herself. So it's gonna take time, but I think as long as she lets us be there for her she'll be ok. Thanks for the suggestions and support you cool azz mufukkaz.

[Mr. Chambers]

when i lost my grandfather...i cried.......and just got that shit all out....

when my dog got put down...i cried..........for a few minutes....then i was alright


when my nephew didn't make it through birth tho.....it really didn't phase me @ all emotionally........

between the dog and nephew tho was 7 years.......and i kinda...became less numb to shit.......and now death doesn't really phase me.......

my best suggestion is to just keep telling yourself it happens to everyone 100% of the time.....it'll happen to everyone close to you.....it'll happen to you...it'll happen to your pets.....i know its a fucked up way of getting over it........but its how i got through it..............

[classthe_king]

have you tried the whole hes in a better place and he wouldnt want you to act like this?