To Die Daily (Drop feed, drop your link and I'll return it)

[i4ill]

I gave feed to:
viewtopic.php?f=38&t=111760&p=1592622#p1592622

I'll understand if you guys don't like how I flow or how chaotically I structure my rhyme-scheme; it's intentional though, especially in the first verse.
"To Die Daily"

[Hook]X2
For the last nine years I've been dying daily…Dying daily…I've been dying daily.

[Verse I]
It's been nine years since your savage crime
Our love story was at its lavish prime
You don't know how heavily ravaged I am right now
Should I thrust my knife down my chest and make it inside out?
It's killing me that you lie down wearing a night gown with another man
Take the feelings of every lover and double them still the upper hand
Is for mine, one more line and I might just stop breathing
I'm with every tear~drop seething, my heart is almost done beating
Was it really fun cheating on who gave you his all being?
You draw me in a promising love with nothing but a motherf*** ing deadly faulty end
If only you just saw within my heart the tragic affliction
You transformed my life into a static depiction
Of fantasies being slain, again and again, I am a sea of pain
That can flee the rain of constant sorrows I never cease to gain
Thanks to you Lein tears are the only thing to please ears
Do you have any idea what I have been doing all these years?

[Hook]X2
For the last nine years I've been dying daily…Dying daily…I've been dying daily.

[Verse II]
Do you remember our first eye contact?
Don't you miss the magic that the bygones had?
Together we revived our lackadaisical days
I wish I can go back and just track the trace of all ways
We walked on and promised to remain faithful
Your beauty was graceful, insane, amazed all
& spellbound me for the rest of my life it was sort of dream
Until hell found me and the sorrow became way more supreme
Than any love you ever given to me; your mortifying infidelity
Demolished me, murdered me, annihilated my sensibility
Answer me; just tell me why did you cheat on me, "Lein"?
And turned from being my only love to being my only pain
In your holy reign I went through the unbearable
First you were a miracle then you turned into a curse, that's not fair at all.
Why don't you say something? You're sleeping I guess
No you're not; I think I've just stabbed you with a 9-inch knife deep...deep in your chest.

[Hook]X2
For the last nine years I've been dying daily…Dying daily…I've been dying daily.

[°[~CHR!$~]°]

i agree with Rise...this is very impressive for your first entry on this forum
flow is nice..bouncy...entertaining..i can feel your emotions...
just the pronouncation can be improved...what may sound stupid but i worked on pronouncation ias i took a shower....when you try to spit a verse as clear as you can while there's water in your mouth..i dont know...it works...might try it..just heads up...

[i4ill]

This is not my first drop here. (I'm too lazy to search for my older threads! lol)

My pronunciation problem is due to the fact I'm rapping with a foreign language; I'm from Jordan, Middle East. As for the beat, I made it myself, I knew a lot of people wouldn't like it, lol I've got my own way of making beats.

Thanks for the feedback guys...

@RiseFromTheAshes: Your link's been hit.

Uppin' for more..Drop your links guys.

[Scrubz]

The dieing daily part I thought was corny, dont think you achieved what you could have there, im guessing this is the hook. Your flow and delivery reminds me of slick rick right off the bat. Flow was chopy, but i think it worked. deep lyrics, dig them. Your pronunciation is a lil sloppy... need to swallow oh here comes that dieing daily part again....lol. the laxidaisical line was sick, loved the flow.

All in all this was pretty good, hook at beat was corny but your flow was nice and original. Work on you pronuciaction! keep em commin!

please take the time and feed my ep! thanks! viewtopic.php?f=38&t=112054

[Trimss]

Dude since I heard the hook I knew you were influenced by arabic music, am I right? I use to listen to a lot of it. Lol

To be fair, i really liked your track and i feeded you in my thread. This was good, i liked the way you switch your flow, fast/slow/fast/slow, it worked on this. The beat didn't bother me and the ending is pretty cool, i mean:
"Why don't you say something? You're sleeping I guess
No you're not; I think I've just stabbed you with a 9-inch knife deep...deep in your chest. "
That's raw!

Good track.

[i4ill]

Scrubs...your link's been hit, thanks for the feed

Dude since I heard the hook I knew you were influenced by arabic music, am I right? I use to listen to a lot of it. Lol

I am Arabian...lol

Thanks for the feedback

[Instant Legend]

this is an interestin track. the beats dope, but its too slow for what sounds like your natural tempo. once you get to flippin the delivery double time, it works pretty well, but when you're deliverin slower, the bars gotta be stretched too far. I'm not real big on the hook either, sounds a little strange to me

not bad, track has its moments for sure

keep it movin!

check me out