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Spyder - Puppet Master

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Spyder - Puppet Master

Postby Spyder » May 26th, '11, 21:34

keep in mind this is my first real track, all feed is welcome though

track
http://hulkshare.com/0zre8l2vezfp

Im the next messiah, select the fighter to step text is fire,
My bars wrecking all deck the halls with whatever you desire.
I set the tone get on a track bless the throne rep my turf
Get on my knees clench the dirt, raise my hands and dissect the earth.
Hold a knife, cut your cloak turn you to a fuckin ghost
Throw a right pull tongue from throat now your vocals light, bust a tone…
grapple the battle king packin venom, rattle sting
back flipped off Atlas onto Saturn’s rings.
Insomniac uncovered from under the sheets
Some’ll cower and duck the hour he struck, thunderous speech.
Pummel the weak, I fastened, threads of my coat in a lasso
Ridin the lichens at last moon captured black wolves,
cause lad’s skulls releasing shrapnel. Many peasants mourn the hour
I swarmed the tower, raging, scorn, and sour adorned with power.
Army of masked henchmen guns cocked ready for blastin
Right on your heels, your hearts racin, chasin through labyrinths.
Each bout I joust I continue my reign sense I been counted into this game
Aint been a man on the planet to douse this flickerin flame.
I see ya heard me, been playin with fire for an eternity’s work
ima make you swallow it til you internally burst and the infirmary burns.
I cackle as you babble, your words disperse and rehearse the quran
Your muslim god is nothin to barbed-wire crown, Hercules arms,
So get to steppin, with this weapon I leave your rib ticklin ya mid-section
I keep kids guessin which way, till they missin each intestine.
A savage being, with half a habit to shatter ya team batter your dream
Everything u say I done first hand the first man before Adam and Eve
I fashioned the scene. Great inventor, man its my time
You take for granted that I eclipse all like the planets aligned.
I take granite combined, sand in hand like mechanical vice
Compressed, rest is history, I practically handed you life.
Im here to take back my world with words rap is practice
So watch me subtract all your points, its mathematics.
A chapped grin on my face if your expectin the devil
We similar twins at birth, on a molecular level
Split your head into bevels, and feed like an amoeba
Lookin for war to harm with more arms than Queen Sheeva.
You under attack when I run on a track
I pack the skills that some of you lack
Your finished, your done at last your-
On my strings, I am the puppet master!


link of feed
viewtopic.php?f=38&t=112998
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Re: Spyder - Puppet Master

Postby classthe_king » May 26th, '11, 21:50

No hate but....you should probably stick to battling :unsure:
You think your personal attacks make up for what you lack?
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Re: Spyder - Puppet Master

Postby BILI » May 26th, '11, 21:59

classthe_king wrote:No hate but....you should probably stick to battling :unsure:

Well this is his first track...I`m sure his delivery and flow will get better,he just needs to relax more.

Other then that lyrics are tight as always :y:
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Re: Spyder - Puppet Master

Postby classthe_king » May 26th, '11, 22:00

BILI wrote:
classthe_king wrote:No hate but....you should probably stick to battling :unsure:

Well this is his first track...I`m sure his delivery and flow will get better,he just needs to relax more.

Other then that lyrics are tight as always :y:


I have a bout 6 tracks from him over the past year/year and a half :coffee:
You think your personal attacks make up for what you lack?
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Re: Spyder - Puppet Master

Postby Satire » May 26th, '11, 22:06

I respect that this is your first track and alot of people start off like this, I mean...the lyrics and multis were good bro, but seriously, your rhythm is sooooooooooooo off, if there's any even there. I mean, you're hitting the snares, but everything is so rushed and unstructured that there isn't even a flow to it. There's too many syllables in each line, it just sounds like speedy, awkward talking with backing music.

I see alot of rappers on this site who just don't improve at all because everybody likes to beat around the fucking bush but before you worry about complex rhyming work on actually constructing a melody to each bar. That means thinking how you're going to say it first rather than what you're going to say, and then inserting words until it gets easier to flow it. Observe other rappers verses and how they flow each line and base yourself on that if you have to for practice. As for your delivery, if this is only your 6th attempt at recording I wasn't expecting much but yeah it comes with time. Right now it's pretty monotonous and like I said, it just sounds like 'talking'. But hey, atleast you're not whispering like some people.

That being said, your lyrics are good but how you structure those lyrics is how you're going to sound, so yeah. Work on that.
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Re: Spyder - Puppet Master

Postby BILI » May 26th, '11, 22:09

classthe_king wrote:
BILI wrote:
classthe_king wrote:No hate but....you should probably stick to battling :unsure:

Well this is his first track...I`m sure his delivery and flow will get better,he just needs to relax more.

Other then that lyrics are tight as always :y:


I have a bout 6 tracks from him over the past year/year and a half :coffee:

I wasnt aware of that fact :coffee:
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Re: Spyder - Puppet Master

Postby Spyder » May 27th, '11, 03:53

@ BILI/Class

4 were before i knew what "on beat" was so those dont count.
yes class had heard one more than this having said that.

@ sat, thanks for the feed, i sent this to Maybe and he said my flow was good...
he did comment on delivery, but i dont know what to do in that area, im practically yelling
in the mic and it sounds like that, if i were to have a smoother flow, itd be a lot quieter.
so i dont know how to make this sound like "rapping not talking" because IMO
alot of people sound like that...

but feed appreciated :worship:
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Re: Spyder - Puppet Master

Postby Artille » May 27th, '11, 08:53

It sounds as if you were more so just reading it off the paper and not really trying to rap it to the beat. Quality is very low as well! The lyrics were very complex, which might have something to do with why your flow was lacking on this. This isn't a terrible song, it's just you try more on coming up with complex lyrics most won't catch nor understand than the actual recording and musical part of it. Without the beat and flow it's just poetry. Anyways, your lyrics show you have the ability to write a decent song, you just need to construct your verses better and you will improve over time. As for the quality, I'm guessing it is just your mic and will be hard to improve on.
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Re: Spyder - Puppet Master

Postby Scrubz » May 27th, '11, 14:08

You gotta ride the beat hommie, the beat had zero impact because u were just spittin like a loose cannon. Your lyrics need to be in rhymth with the beat. LYrics are good but you need to lear to write bars to help you with your flow, I know you think they are bars but they are not. They dont go according to the beat which is what bars are suppose to do, you will notice a huge difference. Dont let this track discourage you, you just need to practice and get a flow down. Start simple then branch off from that.

Also it sounds like your reading a book, very little emotion, just basically talkin. Gotta get amped and really put your all into it when your spitting. Just keep working on your flow and delivery and it should get you were you want to be. Keep at it man. :y:
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Re: Spyder - Puppet Master

Postby VenomBlackViper » May 27th, '11, 14:25

Scrubz wrote:You gotta ride the beat hommie, the beat had zero impact because u were just spittin like a loose cannon. Your lyrics need to be in rhymth with the beat. LYrics are good but you need to lear to write bars to help you with your flow, I know you think they are bars but they are not. They dont go according to the beat which is what bars are suppose to do, you will notice a huge difference. Dont let this track discourage you, you just need to practice and get a flow down. Start simple then branch off from that.

Also it sounds like your reading a book, very little emotion, just basically talkin. Gotta get amped and really put your all into it when your spitting. Just keep working on your flow and delivery and it should get you were you want to be. Keep at it man. :y:

Exactly what he said, memorize & deliver it don't read it off of paper & flow it over the beat don't go acapella & then play a beat over it. Everyone has to start off somewhere though keep recording & you'll improve.
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Re: Spyder - Puppet Master

Postby Spyder » May 27th, '11, 16:15

thanks for the feed guys :worship:
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Re: Spyder - Puppet Master

Postby ,-,'-{Bar}-',-, » May 30th, '11, 15:18

the flow man, flow is the bread and butter of rap tracks. Now you got to stick to the snare alot clearer than this man, lyrically tracks are great but if they have no flow then they have no effect.

Flow > Lyrical Aspects


tighten the flow then work on the complexity of your raps :y:
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