Real [Lyrics]

[TripleNineThree]

Song - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bqn3Ai657gY
LoF - viewtopic.php?f=38&t=148867

The lyrics are in the video

Thanks for the listen! Be sure to drop a link and I'll return the feed

[classthe_king]

Alright, never heard your songs before but I decided to come in and listen to something since I saw you're a mod. The first thing I noticed was your writing is very very simple. I'm not talking just rhymes, (even though your rhyming was really weak and you definitely should work on that) but there no complexity to the lyrics. You had almost no imagery, it was just random and generic phrases, "this is a broken world filled with a lot of hate," etc. That's not creative, you're not painting a picture in anyone's head, you're not making them think, you're not invoking much emotion other than yeah I guess that's true. Use some metaphors, themes, wordplay, something to liven it up. Also work on the rhyming, you had the 2 syllable rhyme going for a couple lines, you need to translate that to the whole song and then after that work on going 3-4 syllable rhyming and then adding some internal rhymes to make it flow even better.

Also, this is just my opinion and I'm not trying to disrespect you, but rapping about god is lame as fuck and will turn your music off to a lot of people. If you don't care and you want to do christian rap that's fine but just understand that.

[TripleNineThree]

That's some tough feed but that's what an artist needs to improve so I really appreciate it man! And I'm not sure if rapping about God will turn a lot of people off from my music. Have you heard of Lecrae? He is a Christian rapper. I believe three of his albums are currently in the top ten part of the iTunes hip-hop charts. His most recent album was also number three on the Billboards top 200.

But anyways, thanks for the feed bro I appreciate it!!

[Eedee]

That's some tough feed but that's what an artist needs to improve so I really appreciate it man! And I'm not sure if rapping about God will turn a lot of people off from my music. Have you heard of Lecrae? He is a Christian rapper. I believe three of his albums are currently in the top ten part of the iTunes hip-hop charts. His most recent album was also number three on the Billboards top 200.

But anyways, thanks for the feed bro I appreciate it!!

Yes but you have to understand that if many are rapping about God, there's really not much else you can say other than "God is great, mysterious." "God, help me, save me" and stuff like that. I think that's what Class means.

Okay, onto the feed!

Loved the beat. It was sick. Your voice on the hook was interesting. It was simple but had a powerful feel to it.

Verses, your rhyming really was simple. Some didn't even rhyme or you had to force words "amok" (you spelled it "amock" by the way) to make them rhyme and even then it was a single-syllable rhyme. Your message seems to get a little repetitive after a while on your songs. Yes, we know you have had a terrible life and you turned to God and all that. I haven't heard a song from you where you haven't mentioned this. Now, you have good sounding songs, so I don't put that against you, I'm just saying even if you only do that, your songs sound good on the ears.

Maybe expand your concepts? Talk about WHY you believe in God? Not that you DO but WHY?

Mind feeding my mixtape? That or "The Shrink"

[TripleNineThree]

Talking about WHY I believe in God would be a really interesting and thought-provoking song. I appreciate that man, I actually may be doing that for my next concept if I can find a nice beat to fit it. I'm going to try to improve my rhyme scheme, it seems to be difficult for me to have really complex rhymes but also change my flow up to make my flow and delivery interesting but I do know it's possible lol

And for sure man, I have a lot of homework to do (Probably shouldn't be on TRShady) but I'll hopefully give you feed later tonight or sometime tomorrow.

Thanks again for the feed guys!

[Eedee]

Talking about WHY I believe in God would be a really interesting and thought-provoking song. I appreciate that man, I actually may be doing that for my next concept if I can find a nice beat to fit it. I'm going to try to improve my rhyme scheme, it seems to be difficult for me to have really complex rhymes but also change my flow up to make my flow and delivery interesting but I do know it's possible lol

And for sure man, I have a lot of homework to do (Probably shouldn't be on TRShady) but I'll hopefully give you feed later tonight or sometime tomorrow.

Thanks again for the feed guys!

No problem.

And for rhyme schemes, the possibilities are infinite. For example, if I were you, I might say something like:

God's with me, I can feel it in my bones.
I'm really feeling lost and I'm dreaming that I'm home.

You got "God's with me / I'm really" (you can easily say I'm as 'Om') and "feel it in my bones / dreaming that I'm home". You can paint such vivid images with rhyme schemes. I love doing it lol. Just try to expand your schemes and still paint images, ya know?

Hope this helps. Looking forward to seeing the feed too.

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

This is a catchy song, I like it, As Eedee said it sounds like quite a few of your songs, so maybe you could change up the flow on the next one to make it a bit more complex I guess, As for the rhyming, its not too big of a deal just work on rhyming more syllables each line and it doesnt even have to be at the end! I think you should just write a practice verse where you rhyme two or more syllables to each line then post it to CW and see what they say about it. Anyways, just a thought, your tracks are consistent and they are good but theres always room for improvement!

[TripleNineThree]

Thanks for the feed man!