Second time recording

[Tomer666]

Hai there, this is the second time that I record myself, I think that I did fine this time, rhymed pretty well, but your opinions are important, any kind of feedback is welcomed whether it's positive or negative, I prefer to hear the truth and use it to improve myself.

Feedback: viewtopic.php?f=38&t=149984&p=2018711#p2018711
Link: http://soundcloud.com/tomer666/my-names-tomer

Lyrics:
Hai kids, my name's Tomer
I bet ya'll don't wanna see me 'cause I'm a stoner
Don't be cocky to me just 'cause you are the owner
I can still kick an ounce in the spot
Get a bitch to lick me on the spot
And still won't get boner
Ya'll gonna like this shit 'cause my flow's doper
Than Em in his tour bus, plus tell that chick to give me a long buss
I can still kill a beat without the need to make a strong fuss
How's my flow? You like it? "Hell yeah it gives me goose bumps"
It gives chicks the need to get their loose bums

[Tomer666]

Not that much, around an hour (maybe more maybe less) for that little verse. Do you think I should spend more than a day to write the lyrics? Share your opinions, please. I am more than willing to listen and learn from others.

[Tomer666]

Thanks, it's as twice as much hard for me to make it work because I'm not a native English speaker so I'll need to practice even more.

Any more tips for any further?

[Slim Fiasco]

I think you shouldn't rhyme on English, because it'd be much easier for you to do so in your native tongue, but then again I can't speak for your goals with your music. I have a more in-depth tutorial (link in signature) but in general, just practice different intonation patterns. Just try to change your voice as much as possible, and as often as possible. Try sounding hard, try sounding gay, try sounding angry, just make sure to have as many as voice melodies as you can come up with. In my tutorial there's a part about having your rhymes on the snare or whatnot, but that's not really necessary, try to feel the beat and don't go very fast of yell. I think that you're on a great path as far as that goes though.