Because I know you say that this music is for you. So it really doesn't matter, at the end of the day, what I or anyone else thinks about the way it sounds. But the way you're holding those words isn't an emphasis thing, it's a flaw in your delivery. I'm not saying it to be a dick, but it's completely true.
I used to do the same thing until Block told me I was fucking up. It was on what was my most personal song at the time, and I wasn't sure how to take it, but he was completely right. After that, I took more care in rapping to the melody instead of stretching my delivery unnaturally to land on the snares. Of course, you can do whatever you want to, but if you're concerned with it sounding as good as it can sound, you might take some of these things into consideration.
Anyway, all in all, it's a good concept. The rhyming is good, and the flow isn't bad in a glaring overall way, but there are a bunch of smaller issues every few bars, so it sticks out if you listen for it. If you're planning on moving the bridge as opposed to re-recording it, you might focus on the half after "I hurt the very girl your mom and dad supplied with.". The bars after that are the ones that speed up a bit and throw the rhythm off.
Good stuff though.
