it is time!!!

[M-Pyre]

this is new track that I'm working on

it's my own beat
recorded at my home
and written by moi

it is diss track (kinda)

here is the link:
http://www.zshare.net/audio/13977949d5c6602a/

and here are the lyrics:
I’ll pistol whip your ass, with this ridiculous rap/
As I’m kicking it back, with a bag of lickerish snacks/
You hear the click and the clack once you hit in the back/
Like a snitch, I figured you’d switch fast, like a fagot you bitch ass/
Maggot, the big man is at it, I’ll brake glass, stab him/
Your fake act shattered, like a fake ass gangster/
Trying to spray at cats that he once chilled with/
Your getting killed kid, unless you wield the field with these real skills/
But it seems to me that you in need of a pealing/
Your not appealing, better stop the squealing/
Before I cock the steal thing, and pop your teeth in/
See you drop and bleeding, what a shock, I mean/
It’s like not even fucking, competition/
I’m on a mission to resolve an issue that cost lots of tissue’s/
If your wondering who I’m dissing, maybe it’s you/

feed is very much appreciated

I will return feed if you want me to

enjoy

[DelinQuent]

lyrics were good, but they caused the flow to fall off too often. try adding or removing some words so that the flow remains intact.

delivery was kinda basic, you didn't sound angry but your delivery wasnt terrible.

good shit, keep working, looking forward to hearing more

[<Stiiccy>]

it started off very good but faded way to much towards the end...
try fixing the lyrics to help them flow better

[Emadyville]

I only read the lyrics and the rhymes were tight, I'm sure since they all said the same thing you should listen to them, they know what they sayin

[M-Pyre]

thnks for the feed guy's,

like a I said it's still a work in progress, I'm still writing the lyrics, ow and btw, I recorded this in one take, so at the times were I hesitated or was off flow it's all because of that reason.

ow I almost forgpt, some feed on the beat it's self would be cool to

keep the feed coming

[Xray]

lyrics aint all that, but still good..flows good...delivery is 80% cause of the structure of the lyrics...gotta shorten out some lines to get perfect delivery. abit too short but keep it up. beats pretty good

[M-Pyre]

thnks man, the lyrics will become better so no worry's about that

more feed plz

[°[~CHR!$~]°]

yeah try to change some words....cross out some words etc
cuz liek DQ said..the flow broke up at many parts
but some sick ryhmes delievery was okay...can be improved
keep it up

[M-Pyre]

good looking


now that I know whats wrong or off with my lyrics/flow
could I have some good constructive feedback on my beat

like I said before I will return feed, just show me a link

thnks in advance

[M-Pyre]

true true ^

just wait untill you hear the full version




feed plz

[Kosovic]

Stfu whachu know about rap wheeeegroee?

Edit: For the sake of my sanity, i point the fact, that YOU...yes YOU....CANT do 100% better than that. No, not even 50%

Are you mad? Are u gonna diss me? Are you gonna ignore me, pretend to be the "bigger man"? No homo.

[Kosovic]

Because its fun to see what kind of reply u will dedicate to me.

[M-Pyre]

for my defense

these are not going to be the type of lyrics that will be on the full version, like I said, this is a diss towards someone, and your right I wasn't on beat the whole time cause I did this in one take, but using that for an excuse to say that I wasn't on beat at any time is plain old weak!

and I may have never touched a gun, but if I do chose to use the words, it's most likely that I used it as a metaphor, like in here for example, with "the click and the clack" I mean something bad will happen to you, and "pistol whip your ass with this ridiculous rap" is standing for my lyrics will come hard.

and thats it really

anyways, thnks for the feed