SaJJad - Can't Let Me Down (ANOTHER VERSE ADDED)

[Xray]

This is the first track I have recorded for my upcoming solo Mixtape. I haven't got a name for the Mixtape but more info will be told in the next track I release. I recorded/mixed this today, it's over that Mobb Deep - Thug Muzik Instrumental, I couldn't help myself, I just love that beat. My voice sort of sounds warn out, cause it took me around 20 takes to get it accurate as possible. Check it out and let me know what you think, and here's the track and lyrics:

fulfill this dream, who the fuck want what?
you want me to quit, motherfucker give it up
I'll burst through the search with the words till Im done
I'll scream till my throat starts to bleed, till its numb
doing it for none, but for all who would want
me buried deep, below the crete with a swollen tongue
that day will never come, but your poison got me stung
brighten through the light, through the dark, with the sun
many tryina block, to reflect me back to shades
telling me its wrong, telling me its against my faith
go and get a job, and just go a separate way
leave the path you chose, and choose a different path to pray
go be a slave, behave, and get payed
go and get slapped on the neck for some wage
never will I give up acappellin that's a promise
you can take it or leave it but for me that's a death warrant
A life in the mist, is a life full of drips
rain never miss, you get pissed into bits
if lips couldn't move, we could never be dissed
never be in rage, and hate would not exist
if less heads could shift, changing gears through the drift
than life's wouldn't slip, so many times like this
barely can take interest, when I'm pissed so I lisp
no bank account, to be swept from any tricks
a millions things on list, and not a cent to get the shits
body start to twitch, from all the nervousness in wrist
mouth is drying up, from all the bars I done spit
getting thirsty now, I'm in a drought, I need a drink
if life was a gamble, than I'm broke, I couldn't bid
so if life needed chips, than my life couldn't live
I feel I'm in the ring, being boxed, always flinch
someone cut my eye, I need to see through my lids

http://www.zshare.net/audio/57550162e42b892c/

EDIT: I recorded another verse before I record that ^^ on the same beat but it's got a different concept so that's why I didn't add it to that track ^^. So here it is, check it out:

NEW VERSE: http://www.zshare.net/audio/575619361aaf2c94/

All feed is appreciated.

[MC Anonymous]

Flow was amazingly smooth, I felt as though the words were like water and it spilled onto the beat with ease. Delivery was as you said, worn out, so I suggest redoing the track when ya voice doesn't hurt as much. Lyrics wise it was dope, not as technical for my liking but still dope none-the-less. Beat was dope. Mixing was really dark I liked that a lot too, reverb was a little overdone I think but I guess it's for the darkened feel. 10/10 track

[B.A.D.]

wow, amazing choice of beat, I made a track to that instrumental also when I was like 11 yrs old hahaha

but damnz, your flow on this one is diferent of what I usually hear from you, and this is simply great, just amazing!!... the rhymes are solid, the word-scheme and flow-scheme is flawless, the quality is amazing (except on the intro cuz I couldn't hear anyhting you talked)...

also on the parts when you add more words, you manages to keep the flow excelent

this is some unique shit, and if all the tracks of your mixtape are going to be this good we could expect some Sajjad mixtape >>>> Detox.... nuff said

[Robbie G]

The track was pretty nice. flow and lyrics were great.

I agree that your voice didn't sound very strong on this. It wasn't bad, but I didn't like it as much as some of your other new tracks. Also was there a reverb or something on your voice? because it sounded different, almost not as clear.

but still a good job, can't wait for the mixtape.

[Jay-19]

Damn bro!

This is by far the best I've heard from you!
Flow is amazing throughout the whole track, this beat suited you perfectly man.
I really can relate to the lyrics. They're not too complex, but not too simple either. Perfect balance right there.
Delivery is flawless in my opinion, could not by any chance be better than it is!
Just wish the track would've been longer.

Really looking forward to the mixtape man!

[Xray]

Thanks a lot to 3 of you. I appreciate it a lot, and yes I will re-record this, but I won't post it, I'll leave it for the mixtape, keep it fresh. Once again thanks for the feedback.

NEW VERSE IS UP CHECK IT PLEASE.

[randomghost]

damn feed when i get home

[Jay-19]

Damn bro... you're a monster.

Second one is on the same level as the first one!
I love the way you rhyme in the other one, really really great man.

[°[~CHR!$~]°]

nice one man....flow is above par....mixin was nice ...but i think it could be "more in the front" idk..like your voice got eaten up in the beat....know where im coming from?..
other than that it was nice man...good flow....good lyrics....true didnt feel the delievery as much but wasnt THAT bad either so

[Xray]

Thanks a lot for the feedback guys. @ C-riz yeah I wanted to make it like that, I was tryna give it that in the background feel like the original song. Thanks again for the feed.

[DelinQuent]

for the first verse

flow is very boring as is delivery

"below the crete with a swollen tongue" you stuffed an extra word in the line and that line sounded odd because of it.

flow gets a lot better in these lines "go and get slapped on the neck for some wage
never will I give up acappellin that's a promise
you can take it or leave it but for me that's a death warrant"

sick shit there.

this line was dope too "so if life needed chips, than my life couldn't live"

other than those lines mentined, this verse was verrrrry low energy and to be honest, boring. i know you're better than this

Second Verse

again with the boring delivery and flow.

i didnt quite catch the concept of this one, you're searching the fridge, it's all trashed. aspirin tablets are smashed... but who got kidnapped? i must have missed that.

overall for both 5/10, both had a very lazy flow and delivery and left me feeling bored. where's the sajjad with amped up flows and delivery?

[Requiem]

nice shit man, slow and sick. don't like the delivery, but the emotion's good. and ur flow is just
great lyrics man, i could understand it perfectly, propz on that.

overall 8/10, sick track

[Slim Zaddy]

hey bro ,,, can you upload it to other site other than Zshare,,,

[Nu Syd]

great song, flow and presence matches this perfect,vocal tone especially, lyrics is up to par to, good job

[Xray]

for the first verse

flow is very boring as is delivery

"below the crete with a swollen tongue" you stuffed an extra word in the line and that line sounded odd because of it.

flow gets a lot better in these lines "go and get slapped on the neck for some wage
never will I give up acappellin that's a promise
you can take it or leave it but for me that's a death warrant"

sick shit there.

this line was dope too "so if life needed chips, than my life couldn't live"

other than those lines mentined, this verse was verrrrry low energy and to be honest, boring. i know you're better than this

Second Verse

again with the boring delivery and flow.

i didnt quite catch the concept of this one, you're searching the fridge, it's all trashed. aspirin tablets are smashed... but who got kidnapped? i must have missed that.

overall for both 5/10, both had a very lazy flow and delivery and left me feeling bored. where's the sajjad with amped up flows and delivery?

The beat was laid back so I just went with a laid back delivery. This track on the tape will sound heaps different, I'll try keep it energetic too, and yeah that other verse (the kidnapping one) the story continues, but I haven't continued writing the second verse or third. Props for the feedback from everyone.