Bar - New War Coming (deadly knightsahde)

[,-,'-{Bar}-',-,]

bump

[SajN]

Like it

The beat is good man!

And I loved your lyrics
you had a great flow.

Looking forward for more

[randomghost]

hot track...loved the beat...flow was awesome...lyrics is hot....delivery and mixing is ok....

[SawtootH]

yoyoyo. ye i liked this alot. u get the letherface 2007 free download thing? i thought that was the best beat on there - i was gonna use it 4 summin but i might use the pearl necklace 1 now thats good aswell. ye very nice flow indeed. peace bruv

[,-,'-{Bar}-',-,]

Like it

The beat is good man!

And I loved your lyrics
you had a great flow.

Looking forward for more

thanx man apreciate it

hot track...loved the beat...flow was awesome...lyrics is hot....delivery and mixing is ok....

thanx man appreciate it

yoyoyo. ye i liked this alot. u get the letherface 2007 free download thing? i thought that was the best beat on there - i was gonna use it 4 summin but i might use the pearl necklace 1 now thats good aswell. ye very nice flow indeed. peace bruv

yeh thats were i got it, i also did a track to the pearl knecklace beat, its posted on here somewere lol, i used a couple of other ones from it aswell. n thanx man appreciate the feedback

[Mc Cubz]

Listened to the track - so long to d/l on this slow-ass computer!

I understood the track superficially, but no-matter how much I tried to read-between the lines I wasn't sure what your talking about when you say theres a "war" going on. I tried to look for clues in the lyrics but I just couldn'd work out what the track was about, but then when I thought deep about the languange in "new war coming" my interpretation is that there the war, meaning the rap group 'this means war' has been edited and that it is coming, probably coming meaning getting better/more known. Thats good - it was good - Although some people, especially the ones that don't speak english as well, won't read deeply into lyrics on songs, It may have been obvious to some people here on tr, paticularly those that know you that your in a group called this means war with the continous theme of war within their songs - but since I haven't heard your songs for abit I was abit confused about what this verse was trying to say, especially with all the metaphorical language about medievil "sword" and sporty ("cricket"/"wicket") metaphorical tools.

I want to be constructive, I wouldn't be bothered to write this for someone with less of the lyrical content that you showed. The use of metaphorical language is a really good direction (especially since you combined it with an impressive flow). When you talk about cricket/wicket stuff etc - I get it all (I think) but when you say -
"i take the cricket to my bat"
It doesn't really make sense, unless you wrote it for example like, and with the meaning evident in:
I play like cricket with my bat
Then when you say:
"and make your wickets all flat"
does that just mean I will beat you - since if you knock someones wickets down in
cricket then they lose - or is there any deeper meaning?
The meanings of wicket are:
noun: small opening (like a window in a door) through which business can be transacted
noun: small gate or door (especially one that is part of a larger door)
noun: a small arch used as croquet equipment
noun: cricket equipment consisting of a set of three stumps topped by crosspieces; used in playing cricket
if wicket had of meant something else aswell I would have been really impressed - something like shakespeare, especially since it was married with the theme of cricket for added complexity.

Therefore in conclusion I would:
make sure if you use imagery (cricket representing something else) that it makes clear sense gramatically, and add complexity perhaps as I just suggesed. Without making sense it just looks like you may be using complicated language to try and sound clever rather than actually create a superficially mysterious image that on further thought becomes really clear - so we can then go
-wow that/he is clever.

Also with the: “we got depth in the mobb but never we shook” line
If you are connected with a mob shouldn’t you never be shook,
i.e. instead of ‘but’ shouldn’t it be ‘and so’ kind of thing.

On how the track was performed, the accent being scottist, in contrast to the older more american style you used to rap with is a big improvement on your part - it sounds alot more charasmatic, interesting, real and believable - people dont wana listen to a brit putting on an accent - if they adopt a style/sound - fans may be more tempted to say they havent found themselves as a rapper,
and thus may be temted to adopt lyrical content of the rappers from which they take the american style, thus this whole new scottish style of rap you have made is sick - stick with it - you sound unique now.

However, as with before and with me and other people - your delivery is still not perfect. Firstly you could project your voice a little more. You could also speak more clearly - people wont be able to hear all your saying, which combined with your 'different in a hiphop sese’ accent which most ppl here
aren’t used to is potentially bad for ppl trying to hear what your saying. Id perhaps use one syllable instead of two in some places in your lines to help such pronunciation – like when you say “blunder early on in the verse its slightly rushed

Your flow was ok – much improved on previous tracks (apart from the hook on that pride song – tht was pretty cold). I liked the way you rhymed man bang on that certain drum sound. Although I think your flow seemed weaker on this part:
“so i try play right in game never in vain”
than the surrounding lines which sounded good.
Linking to before the word try here sounds rushed!
The first part half (until the word never) sounds rushed but the second part
“never in vein” sounds like it may sound better with another syllable between the words never and vein.

This material is a good standard – I think perhaps people saying its awesome on here perhaps mean ‘awesome…for you/tr’. I think though that you could be awesome if you made it a little better, working on the weaker parts I suggested. What I have said is only my opinion – you know….who am I to say lol, but I think I have advised you well in the past in one area that helped you a lot
and I think if you work on what I have said, with your unique and almost addictive and eagerly-anticipated Scottish accent and style by a listeners at least by me, you will be going the right way along the uk hiphop ladder on a track-producing basis anyway, the next goal would be live performances!

Btw a lot of what I have said I think other rappers would find helpful if they
studied it – killa for one has similarly good content but needs work on his
flow and delivery, although both of youse have improved loads since you
first started posting audio tracks!

Hope this is useful – I wouldn’t take so much time to write this usually lol!

[Mc Cubz]

my fucking god all that for one track

actually that took about an hour on-off of writing and about 30 plays of the song lol!

what can I say I'm slowly becoming more tr-dedicated lol - I feel pissed with myself that I have been here since the old days of VDog and Hayzi (even thou ppl like killa were here well before that) and my post count is slightly mal-nutritioned lol!

[Mc Cubz]

yea but all the old heads here love you (no homo)

and mc cubz >>>> killa

but I'll stop spamming bar's thread now

fuck - what I rote disappeared!

wow I didn't know I was liked on this place, I speak to them old guys on msn abit so hopefully I would be classed as a friend in an internet sense.

what do you mean by mc cubz >>> killa??

Ye but I wrote loads of useful stuff for bar so I have earned some spamming credits, shit actually I dont want Maybe to fall out with me and make a song about my future children, lets continue this in backstage!!

[,-,'-{Bar}-',-,]

dam man i could write a paragraph on how much i appreciate the feedback lol thanx alot not alot of people would ever take time to do that so thanks man


to comment ont what you said.

the war coming is this means war, the reason i say a new war coming is becuase Killa scrapped the roster and started over again (adding kez in this means war) so its a new look this means war and we also working on a tape so thats whats coming from the war.

"i take the cricket to my bat"
It doesn't really make sense, unless you wrote it for example like, and with the meaning evident in:
I play like cricket with my bat

i think you looked into this a little to much, to explain it better ill use another example to show the figure of speach im using "i take the pain to your face" meaning to your face i bring pain, so by saying "i take the cricket to my bat" means "with my bat i play cricket" then i " and make your wickets all flat" i just basically mean i will get by you and knock your wickets down, for the metophorical meaning i was using, ill basically play you at the game (criket is the game i use to show this but the game being the "rap game" ) and will beat you...

we got depth in the mobb but never we shook

this line is sorta reverse what you see it as, the "we got depth in mobb" is simple we have depth/strength in the mobb, not a litteral mobb but the rap group this means war, the "but never we shook" isnt commenting on us being shook (a reference do the mobb deep track shook ones) but more that we have never shook "so never we shook" probably should have said "but never have we shook" to enforce the double meaning more, i dont know why i didnt do that i wrote this a while ago it probly messed up the flow i was trying, but its bascially saying "we have never needed to shook anyone else even though we have the strength to do so"

hope that clears it up a bit, ive been trying more and more to get a added complexity to my lyrics without the need of extremely complex rhymes, ive been trying with wordplay and metaphors alot more, i admit i aint great with them and i need alot more practice to make sure i get the picture and message across that im trying to get across, the fact you took the time to try and get what i was saying and commenting on it means alot to me man coz no one ever does and its dis heartening when you try to put that added bit in and no one is intrigued enough to try pick it apart, obviously i know im unknown so i dont except my stuff to go under the microscope lol


with what else you said i totally agree man, since you said to me about the accent and i took it on board i feel im getting mroe confident performences out myself when recording and an alot more naturual sound, although i still see it as my weakness and need to work alot on my delivery and flow if i ever wanted to do anythign in the uk scene, but i keep working and practicing as much as i can without it interfering with my normal life since i still class this music as a hobby and not a long term ambition, but obviously i wouldnt pass the chance to do it long term lol, also i understand the "Awesome" comments are based on the progress ive been making and other artists here on TR im under no illusions of how much i need to step up before ill truly be noticed.

thanx again, this is the sort of feedback that truly makes me wanne put in more effort

[Kez]

my fucking god all that for one track

Got to give it to the guy, he's sure dedicated

[Mc Cubz]

shit man I feel bad now cos - after you have explained why you have written in that way paticularly with the first example it does indeed make sense! I think still you could really drive home your metaphores though - more because it goes unnoticed otherwise, than because theyre unclear.

I think its nasty - I ve herd rappers showing off about using similies (if anyone on here has done so I didnt mean you - I actually mean a friend) but making images is so much more powerful!

Ye you have potential - I'm quite excited to know you thats why I want to offer what advise I can - I'm excited because apart from that battler guy I've herd no scottish rap and I quite like it!

Kez also has that - not there yet performance-wise but an incredibly unique style and definately potential.

Id say musically the most gifted here (uk-wise is hayzi) - with a strong flow and delivery but he, like me atm is more on a hype vibe going over garage and things like that, rather than trying to make real rap tunes with a simple beat but complex lyrics! I think the same way he needs to work on lyrics you guys need to work on the other aspects! Fuck I sound like im contradicting myself but - hayzi had the nastyiest line tho back in the day - it wasn't amazing it was partly the way he said it:
in this game you need a balance of talent.... but as it happens, you havent got none of it only arrogance
just awed me at the time - was in his diss song to that greek guy harlem or whteva

[Vettori]

It didn't sound like u wrote it to this beat. but i did enjoy the verse
Sounded a tiny bit bored, but that could be because of quality. Mine tends to do that at times.
But ye lookin forward to this new project