Holy Shit (V2 WITH VIDEO)

[Static]

EDIT: So I made a quick video, cause I wanted to post it on facebook to show it to my friends.
Oh, and I recorded it all over again!

Here's the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuQKP9bVlKY
Comments, ratings, etc. are ofcourse welcome!

Link of feed: viewtopic.php?f=38&t=110115

Holy shit, my first recorded song. I wrote this in like 1 hour yesterday, and I just felt like recording it, so I did. It's not the most serious song either, I just wanna know your opinions!

http://hulkshare.com/qg7wmqxkwrwo

Lyrics:

(Verse 1)
A neat little freak, an aura of mystique
Breathing to seek an oral technique so unique
I'll squeeze out a treat, speak over a beat
I will find you strengt, tweak it and defeat
But for now, I'm giving you a sneak peak (look!)
I'm nuts, a freak, crawl back up in my butt cheek (au!)
For this generation, I'm an indicator
There's never been a greater, I'm here to win the haters
Skin the traitors, squash them like tomatoes (splat!)
Time to flush them, time to fade those
Remember the prime, when the creators
Of east and westcoast, still was spitting fire
2Pac & Biggie, no one's sitting higher
But it's time to welcome another lill' messiah (hi!)
I'll never retire, I'll never call it quits
You're allowed to say it now, holy shit!

(Verse 2)
Fuck it, yeah, that's the correct term
That's also what I say when life ejects sperm (splash!)
When it injects like a worm, like a virus
When I'd rather listen to fuckin Miley Cyrus
Times when I'm bearly staying concious
When I can watch as the betraying lancuhes
When everything is played out noxious
When the deepest shit couldn't stay out of boxers
Advice, never make me start a fight (no!)
There's so many aspects I can spark and ignite
I can make it dark where there was light
I suggest you just stay far from my sight (yeah!)
I'm always right, listen you bluff
I'm ready to fight, my prison suit off (come on!)
Serious business is on, it'll be boiling wit
You're allowed to say it now, holy shit!

(Verse 3)
I'ma take off and fly like a butterfly (whee!)
Nobody have such a big pair of nuts as I (nope!)
And everything else is being shutted down
But there's still space in my butt to lie
Fuck this shit, this ain't a serious song
This is me an a fat man in a hilarious little thong (what!?)
We're a crazy duo, stare at us and you're gone
Get the point? We're scary and we've won!
No I'm not clean, I'm on that Charlie Sheen (duh!)
I'm obscene, the worst this mob's ever seen
I was cursed from birth, yeah, always been
Been walking through hallways like Mr. Been
Always walked as a shy and silent cannon
But now I'm expressing my violent passion (fuck!)
Give me a beat to crash on, and I'll spit on it
You're allowed to say it now, holy shit!

Feedback is highly appriciated!

[Scrubz]

Hey man, i didnt get a chance to listen to it cuz im on my iphone and you uploaded it in a wav. Its way to big for me to download and since its over 8mb you cant stream it either. convert it to mp3 and re up it, trust me you will get alot more plays and i will be able to listen and give feed!

[Static]

Hey man, i didnt get a chance to listen to it cuz im on my iphone and you uploaded it in a wav. Its way to big for me to download and since its over 8mb you cant stream it either. convert it to mp3 and re up it, trust me you will get alot more plays and i will be able to listen and give feed!

Ahh, thanks! Here you go: http://hulkshare.com/nfxczqypr2k8

[Jay Tunes]

I liked that beat for some reason, haha ...

Flow - seemed nice, few short bars just made you extend words, and
Lyrics - Pretty nice, nothing crazy, but solid... verse 2 was type weak tho... 1st verse was good
Quality - Horrible man, from the beat to your vocals ... they were so low i had to turn up my speakers and be close to my computer to hear.... did you record this on your computer mic?

I think you can deff improve, but youre pretty nice for your first song.. But please get a better mic(if you have have one) and improve the mastering... #keepitup tho

[Static]

I liked that beat for some reason, haha ...

Flow - seemed nice, few short bars just made you extend words, and
Lyrics - Pretty nice, nothing crazy, but solid... verse 2 was type weak tho... 1st verse was good
Quality - Horrible man, from the beat to your vocals ... they were so low i had to turn up my speakers and be close to my computer to hear.... did you record this on your computer mic?

I think you can deff improve, but youre pretty nice for your first song.. But please get a better mic(if you have have one) and improve the mastering... #keepitup tho

Thanks!
Yeah, I know the quality sucks. I did use a mic, it's not a very good one tho, and I can't afford a better one atm But maybe eventually! I can make the vocals louder for now though, if you think that would make it any better?

[Xray]

I lol'd at the samples.

This sounded pretty groovy man, and that's why I prolly liked it. Lyrics were solid, some funny lines there, I lol'd at everytime you said "You're allowed to say it now, holy shit!" LMAO. Funny ass line for some reason. Nice track dude, your flow is cool, your delivery and voice needs work though, but this is your first song you've posted so it's okay. I liked the beat too, sounded funny. Just curious but where you from? You kind of sound Uk-ish, not really sure though lol.

[Static]

I lol'd at the samples.

This sounded pretty groovy man, and that's why I prolly liked it. Lyrics were solid, some funny lines there, I lol'd at everytime you said "You're allowed to say it now, holy shit!" LMAO. Funny ass line for some reason. Nice track dude, your flow is cool, your delivery and voice needs work though, but this is your first song you've posted so it's okay. I liked the beat too, sounded funny. Just curious but where you from? You kind of sound Uk-ish, not really sure though lol.

Thank you man!
The beat is something I found on YouTube btw, I'm not good at beat making myself yet (I'm practicing).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpwoMUfK4fg

I'm from Norway! And I'm only 15, so my english isn't the best yet, but it'll improove And yeah, I'll try to get better recording equipment eventually, and I'll try to work on my voice and delivery

[Jay Tunes]

yes man, if you can turn up your vocals it would really make your stuff a lot better...
but dont turn them up to the point your vocals get distorted and start sounding like an earthquake hehe....

but i feel you. You should try to get a mic soon tho bc youre pretty nice

[Static]

yes man, if you can turn up your vocals it would really make your stuff a lot better...
but dont turn them up to the point your vocals get distorted and start sounding like an earthquake hehe....

but i feel you. You should try to get a mic soon tho bc youre pretty nice

Haha, it sounds much better now!

http://hulkshare.com/gswxmwqyp7pq

But yeah, I'll still try to save up for a better mic and thnx!

[Scrubz]

Not bad man, you got some promise thats for sure! You flow was on and off ome parts were like (wow) others were blah. Delivery was pretty shake, you sound robotic. Rhymes were decent and you lyrics were pretty cool.

mixing and vocals were bad but you can deff improve by geting a real mic along with a pre amp and or mixer. Try layering your vocals and panning one to the left, one to the right and one to the middle. And either ur have to much reverb or were your recording has to much echo. If its were your record just pad with blankets or foam if you can get some.

you have a good vocabulary too, just keep practicing the actual raping and recording part and it will all follow threw! stay with it.

[Static]

Not bad man, you got some promise thats for sure! You flow was on and off ome parts were like (wow) others were blah. Delivery was pretty shake, you sound robotic. Rhymes were decent and you lyrics were pretty cool.

mixing and vocals were bad but you can deff improve by geting a real mic along with a pre amp and or mixer. Try layering your vocals and panning one to the left, one to the right and one to the middle. And either ur have to much reverb or were your recording has to much echo. If its were your record just pad with blankets or foam if you can get some.

you have a good vocabulary too, just keep practicing the actual raping and recording part and it will all follow threw! stay with it.

Thanks dude! Yeah, I'm mostly working on my flow at the moment. And I'll try to work on my delivery too!

I have a mixer, it's mostly the mic's fault. I've removed some echo (there were some pre-set settings, but it could be where I'm recording too, I'm in a pretty big room), and I tried your tip about the left/right/middle

This is how it turned out: http://hulkshare.com/qg7wmqxkwrwo
Definitely a little better! Thanks!

I'll try to re-write it a little bit to get a better flow, where the any spesific places where it was totally off? And I'll re-record and try to get a better delivery tomorrow!


Thanks again for the feedback everyone! I really appriciate it, it's helping me improve alot!

[Static]

BUMP

So I made a quick video, cause I wanted to post it on facebook to show it to my friends.
Oh, and I recorded it all over again!

Here's the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuQKP9bVlKY
Comments, ratings, etc. are ofcourse welcome!

[Tash8]

hahaha man, that's very interesting...the beat was catchy though weird..ur accent was unappealing at first but i got used to it..ur lyrics are decent though of ur similies and metas are a lil weak (the charlie sheen one wasn't soo creative) anyways man, good work.

[Static]

hahaha man, that's very interesting...the beat was catchy though weird..ur accent was unappealing at first but i got used to it..ur lyrics are decent though of ur similies and metas are a lil weak (the charlie sheen one wasn't soo creative) anyways man, good work.

thanks man! yeah, my accent, I can't really do much more than just keep practicing my english, which I will! we barely have any english at school, and I'm already way better than my english teacher, so I'm kinda on my own there xD

yeah, the similies and metas, I didn't really put that much work into those lyrics, I wrote them in about an hour, cause I just felt in love with the beat and had to write something to it x) not that I'm an expert at them, I'm certainly not, but I can do a little bit better when I put a bit more time into it!

but yeah, thanks again!

[Tash8]

thanks man! yeah, my accent, I can't really do much more than just keep practicing my english, which I will! we barely have any english at school, and I'm already way better than my english teacher, so I'm kinda on my own there xD

yeah, the similies and metas, I didn't really put that much work into those lyrics, I wrote them in about an hour, cause I just felt in love with the beat and had to write something to it x) not that I'm an expert at them, I'm certainly not, but I can do a little bit better when I put a bit more time into it!

but yeah, thanks again!

no problem man, I would though, appreciate your feedback on this or This, please n thanks.