The Cannibal - Animal I Have Become (Music Video)

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Okey, so I posted an earlier version of this song a while back, but I didn't get any replies. But I've re-recorded it and added a video, so I thought it was okey to make a new thread.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DG6AuOZ4wYI

I'm currently limited to use my webcam, that's why I couldn't make much out of the video. I just wanted there to be a video, so yeah.

My first shot at making a video. It's not that great, but it serves its purpose. If you like my shiit, I would love a subscription! Any feedback you leave is highly appriciated, negatve or positive. Constructive criticism is awesome!

As you probably can tell, this is a remix of Animal I Have Become by Three Days Grace. It was mostly an experimental song, but I thought it ended up pretty cool, so why not post it?

Enjoy!

LYRICS:


(Verse 1)
There's a beast in me, consuming me
It's dooming me, to act foolishly
Cruelty, it's ruling me
It's chewing me up, I can't make it stop
I just take my head, shake it and nod
Yeah, I have to fake it, god it's odd
Now I must not, just bust out
Even tho I want to, I let my lust rot
I cuss it out, shush it, shout!
It ain't even nothing to discuss about
No descussion, just concussions
My brain is crushing, my vein's flushing
Over, with monster blood
No fuckin way, this can't be good!
I'm getting bigger, I keep on morphing
But inside my head I just keep on dwarfing

(Hook)
So what if you can see the darkest side of me
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
This animal, this animal

(Verse 2)
Pain can be heavy, when you're the carrier
It just ain't always the more the merrier
It's a fucking slaughter burried here
That's why I never worry, no fear
I never feel sorry, I never feel scared
But I'm scarred, oh so hard
You should make a note of it tard
From now on, I'll never open my guard
But all this shit, I hope to discard
If I just woke up with new cards
A new fresh start, I'd use it smart
I'd use it to amuse my heart
But all this pain's got a use in art
This way I might show up on the music charts

(Hook)
So what if you can see the darkest side of me
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal

(Verse 3)
Somebody help me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
Somebody wake me from this nightmare
I can't escape this hell

This animal (x7)

(Bridge)
Now there's still one more finale in me
I might get out of this alley and flee
Then the monster can rally with me
I know on thing tho, verbally I'm free!

(B/W Bridge)
So what if you can see the darkest side of me
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become

(Hook)
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
This animal I have become

[°[~CHR!$~]°]

flow sounds very choppy to me....you should work on a more fluent flow
the rhymes are simple....you should try to connect your lines more properly...
actually ur bridge had somewhat of fluency...but your verses was really a stop and go thing...
...plus your quality wasnt the best..but nvm cant expect super quality by every forum audio head lol
your delivery fits the beat...there's a good foundation for it but with some whisper/angry type vocals as low ( minus 9-12dB) adlibs you could highlight your delivery a bit more...make it even darker and smoother you know...

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three days grace

Your flow seems really choppy and your emotion seems kinda forced, dude.. But keep making music and elevating.

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Thanks!

I made the flow like that on purpose, I guess it wasn't such a good idea xD Well, that's how you learn!
And yeah, the rhymes are pretty simple, I wrote it in a an hour or so. It was mostly an experimental track as I said! But thanks again for the feedback, I'll try to work on everything both of you listed!