Hip Hop Saved my Life verse (UnMastered Shitty Mic)

[iDEA91]

Here is my verse for HIP HOP SAVED MY LIFE.

Curious as to how I sound to other people. Critics Welcome!

http://www.zshare.net/audio/88939463dbf8d0e2/

Sick of hearin all these rappers use the same damn flow,
and they homies ag it on tellin em go man go,
but they can't paint a picture because they no van gough,
they just wanna here they music on the damn dance flo',

while I rap wit substance and I got nothin,
What the fuck is a dougie, all u doin is jumpin,
all u doin is hoppin, this tha city of joplin,
get spit on and robbed in, kicked hard and stomped in,

cuz my city is the city where u never call the cops in,
full of honor, respect, honestly toppin,
the rest u can bet ur ass i'm holdin it down,
they sayin dizzys flow be the coldest in town,

well who could disagree, u been listening to me,
what I speak, seems to be exactly what it be,
this is me, won't charge u a thing, cuz i'm free,
not rapping for a fee, spittin independently,

but in a way u can say hip hop changed my life,
hell even today, hip hop saved my life,
thought most days are dark, but some days are bright,
was gonna say goodnight, but not witout a fight,









and here's a link to feedback:
viewtopic.php?f=38&t=111276

[B.A.D.]

I want to listen to this, specially beacuse you are one of the first newbz in a while that doesnt break the rules in his first post lol.

but unfortunately zshare doesnt work on my browser...
can you try www.hulkshare.com

[Scrubz]

So it sounds like your recording threw a cell phone lol so I can't judge the quality. The lyrics aren't half bad man, especially for a new comer. They were simple don't get me wrong but not bad. The work that really needs to be done is in you performance. Your delivery was stale, dull and boring. It sounded like you were narrating instead of rapping. You need energy! Don't be afraid to get loud. Your flow got worse with the song because it sounds like you don't practice enough and have no breath control. Good thing this will just get better with time and practice. Try punching in if you can't get threw the verse with out it sounding sloppy. I hope you don't take the criticism to heart, I'm just trying to help you improve cuz you have promise.

All in all it was a decent first 16, you just need to practice man. As long as you learn from ur mistakes and keep droppin you will keep improving.

[Instant Legend]

i think you could benefit from some more emotion, some specific twist on the delivery that helps make it YOURS, and not just another verse. quality definitely needs help - but despite these issues i hear some potential

keep elevatin homie

check me out

viewtopic.php?f=38&t=111619