No More Nightmares

[Spyder]

viewtopic.php?f=38&t=134106&p=1812854#p1812854 LOF

http://www.zshare.net/audio/967731203d79288f/
produced by Atomic Beats

lyrics

Lately I really, been tryin to swallow my pride
But the harder I try I find I become a martyr so I,
Give up, lifes tough but im sick and this sucks
Im done n’ I know to toughen my upper lip up.
This isnt what, I thought it would be
But life is hard and I think im startin to see
When I write these bars why the harpin on me
But dropped the mic and Im gone and I leave,
Just keep walkin like someone is followin me
Brush the dirt off wipe the snot on my sleeve.
My pen in the ink just sorrows the sheets
I dream for better but yet tomorrow is bleak,
I reach for higher but I, fall on my knees
Curl up in a ball and cant stop when it bleeds.
I hate how they treat me im not a disease
When my thoughts are eased is when I nod off to sleep.

I lay down on the pillow but stayin awake
I take these pills but, they only greaten the pain
I made some mistakes and I guess that it shows
Ill never be rested, im being tested I know,
Ive had friends just blow off with gestures so cold
But the lesson im told, don’t let em step on ya toes.
No more nightmares and cold sweat when I wake
Im over that, it is not destined as fate.
Im bendin in ways, to contort to my friends
Wonderin when it is this torture will end,
Cant afford to amend past, look after myself
Crazy addict my daily habits bad for my health,
I never begged nor did I ask for no help
Infact im debating puttin this track on the shelf.
My minds starts to break, insanity’s loomin
Sleeps the cousin of death, I want a family reunion.

Dreamin of bein without the apnea mask
And not wake up breathless and actually gasp
In all actuality my reality’s bad
Enough so, sleeps become a hazardous task.
I gotta quit it and stop with the brilliance
Thankfully I topped the art of resilience.
Its now become me and part what I live with
You gettin deep to the heart of my feelins.
Thinkin about it, so badly I shake
Til I panic and my mentality breaks,
So much its like theyre tryin to battle me, great
Layin in bed then, I gradually fade.
If you ask me today, if im livin my dreams
I would reply, yes that is what it seems,
No more no more nightmares in my mind
I guess everything ends and gone in some time.

[Sam.]

You know my thought man, I already told you that when you gave me this Exclusive.
Any way...
The lyrics are dope man, as usual.Just work on the way you write to the beat, you had gaps between the Verses (1st & 3rd).Adding a line or an Ad-Lib would have done the trick, or you could have stressed few words. The beat is out of this world.

Your voice is amazing man, the flow is nice but you need to be more confident with the delivery thing.At times I felt that you were reading off the sheet, should have memorized to get that thang on the mic.

The mixing is dope, smooth.

You should be dropping more.

[Spyder]

thanks bro, yea i agree delivery could be picked up but atleast someone
is finally saying i have a flow, at least i know im doing it right haha

props for checkin

[Solace]

Flow
You barely have one, especially in the first and the third verse. I don't know what Sam is saying that the flow is nice. You aren't even on beat half of the time. You clearly have 16 lines written on all your verses. The verse space on the beat allows for 16 lines (or 32 depending how you flow it) But then you end up finishing with time on the beat to spare. How? Because you weren't on beat. There is no disputing that. The 2nd verse had a more so consistent flow. I don't really see how hard it is to beat on beat in rap, especially for people that listen to rap daily. You hear it done all the time, all you must do is mimic it. You aren't doing it right, don't get your hopes up. This is like your 7th song, so I just don't want to hear you at like your 15th and still not able to grasp a consistent flow. It doesn't sound like you're rapping, it sounds like you're reading out a paragraph with many run on sentences. Definitely work on pacing yourself.

Just work on the way you write to the beat, you had gaps between the Verses (1st & 3rd).Adding a line or an Ad-Lib would have done the trick, or you could have stressed few words.

Stressing a few words and using adlibs would have filled the gaps, but he doesn't need to fill the gaps. He needs to flow properly, and there wouldn't have been those gaps.

Delivery
Your voice sounds like you're scared of being heard and there are people around and you're nervous to click record on your computer and just rap. You have no accent to get past or anything (good trait). I advise you to speak up. Students in schools doing speeches or presentations in class have more confidence than you (in this song; not overall saying you have low self esteem or anything like that).

Mixing
Your vocal mixing is good, you're using whatever mic you are recording with well because I can understand what you're saying. More so on the mixing, it's very boring and bleak. You have mere vocals on a beat and at the moment you aren't at the level that can grasp the listener in with just that. You need to work on having more than just verse vocals over a beat. Overlays, adlibs, dubbing, sound effects, whatever you can utilize.

Production Choice
Definitely works with this song, and I love Atomic Beats (Mart85 represent!). The girl is a really dope singer. Working with beats like these can give you more time and space to work on the verses; keep that in mind.

[Spyder]

Flow
You barely have one, especially in the first and the third verse. I don't know what Sam is saying that the flow is nice. You aren't even on beat half of the time. You clearly have 16 lines written on all your verses. The verse space on the beat allows for 16 lines (or 32 depending how you flow it) But then you end up finishing with time on the beat to spare. How? Because you weren't on beat. There is no disputing that. The 2nd verse had a more so consistent flow. I don't really see how hard it is to beat on beat in rap, especially for people that listen to rap daily. You hear it done all the time, all you must do is mimic it. You aren't doing it right, don't get your hopes up. This is like your 7th song, so I just don't want to hear you at like your 15th and still not able to grasp a consistent flow. It doesn't sound like you're rapping, it sounds like you're reading out a paragraph with many run on sentences. Definitely work on pacing yourself.

um i either end on the snare in the same place or start the multi which is also acceptable, that is what i hear others doing, i hear you ding it as well. if thats not at least a nice attempt at a flow idk what is.
im start the multi on the beat in verse one, and in verse two i end directly on it.


Delivery
Your voice sounds like you're scared of being heard and there are people around and you're nervous to click record on your computer and just rap. You have no accent to get past or anything (good trait). I advise you to speak up. Students in schools doing speeches or presentations in class have more confidence than you (in this song; not overall saying you have low self esteem or anything like that).

im practically yelling without sounding corny like i actually am yelling, no one is in the house so i go at it. i let it come naturally so... i guess ima have to exchange my vocal cords. i admit it wasnt the best,
but not as bad as you make it

Mixing
Your vocal mixing is good, you're using whatever mic you are recording with well because I can understand what you're saying. More so on the mixing, it's very boring and bleak. You have mere vocals on a beat and at the moment you aren't at the level that can grasp the listener in with just that. You need to work on having more than just verse vocals over a beat. Overlays, adlibs, dubbing, sound effects, whatever you can utilize.

im not familiar with adlibs or dubbing could u explain? other than that its your mixing instructions bro
but i used overlays before and peeps said no, if feeders could give me consistent feed i might get somewhere.

Production Choice
Working with beats like these can give you more time and space to work on the verses; keep that in mind.

thats why i chose a hook in the beat, where im just starting i like the set times

all that being said i do appreciate you peepin it, much love for any feed and i (assume) your giving me this to help me improve. I consider my first attempt. others were before i knew what riding a beat was and last two were reworded to attempt to fit on a beat.

but about the flow, MCMaybe said i have a decent flow... so i really dont know what is going on
could you explain?

[mdemaz]

Well damn..I've never heard you before...

I gotta say this first before I even get started on breaking down this song by each element..
Your voice is GREAT.

Ok, that's outta the way, I think the verses feel a little bit out of place to me..
I'm guessing you haven't had much experience with this sorta stuff..So..

When I read the lyrics, I'm blown away, so you obviously have talent with writing, it's just how you deliver the words is all you gotta improve really.
Don't get me wrong though, I enjoyed this a lot, I just think you could of tried to ride the beat better is all.

I know you can pull this off, so try riding with the beat instead of against it...It may sound corny at first, but you will find a flow that is suitable for you eventually.

[Solace]

but about the flow, MCMaybe said i have a decent flow

I don't agree with him.

so i really dont know what is going on could you explain?

Here, I will explain:

Flow
You barely have one, especially in the first and the third verse. I don't know what Sam is saying that the flow is nice. You aren't even on beat half of the time. You clearly have 16 lines written on all your verses. The verse space on the beat allows for 16 lines (or 32 depending how you flow it) But then you end up finishing with time on the beat to spare. How? Because you weren't on beat. There is no disputing that. The 2nd verse had a more so consistent flow. I don't really see how hard it is to beat on beat in rap, especially for people that listen to rap daily. You hear it done all the time, all you must do is mimic it. You aren't doing it right, don't get your hopes up. This is like your 7th song, so I just don't want to hear you at like your 15th and still not able to grasp a consistent flow. It doesn't sound like you're rapping, it sounds like you're reading out a paragraph with many run on sentences. Definitely work on pacing yourself.

um i either end on the snare in the same place or start the multi which is also acceptable, that is what i hear others doing, i hear you ding it as well. if thats not at least a nice attempt at a flow idk what is.
im start the multi on the beat in verse one, and in verse two i end directly on it.

Dude, like I said you cannot even dispute that you weren't flowing properly, otherwise there would have been no gap at the end of the 1st and 3rd verse. You were just off. Listen to how you delivered your 1st and 3rd verses and compare with the 2nd, in which you actually did it properly. You aren't pacing your words, and you say things earlier here and there, you say things late here and there. You're even making yourself look bad saying it's an attempt at a flow. Stop attempting to flow, and flow.

im practically yelling without sounding corny like i actually am yelling, no one is in the house so i go at it. i let it come naturally so... i guess ima have to exchange my vocal cords. i admit it wasnt the best,
but not as bad as you make it

I don't know if you can honestly listen to your song and say you sounded confident in anyway whatsoever.

im not familiar with adlibs or dubbing could u explain? other than that its your mixing instructions bro
but i used overlays before and peeps said no, if feeders could give me consistent feed i might get somewhere.

Yeah I figured. I'm not too sure about the definition of dubbing, I've seen Spag throw it around here and there and from what I've learned it's merely overlays but for an extended period of time. Like one will usually dub an entire verse. "Peeps said no" Well I can't possibly hear overlays damaging the tone of this track, they're used to simply accentuate your voice. Adlibs are recorded vocals that aren't apart of the main body of lyrics.

By the way why are you all of a sudden typing like you're from a foreign land and you're only now learning English? On some JAGODA tings. You don't need to defend yourself against everything I'm saying about your song. If you think it's so dandy and fine throw it around and let's see if you get noticed. I don't get how you could just "consider" this your first attempt at recording when you do have over 5 songs recorded over the years. Just because they were wack doesn't mean they were non-existent. You always use the fact that you didn't know how to flow in the earlier tracks to say they don't count, but that fact is meaningless. The fact is this isn't your first recording.

[Spyder]

saying things like dont attempt to flow, just flow is great advice.
its like saying dont try to run... youll just run somehow

am done arguing i like any opinion especially one that will help me
improve, you atleast told me bout adlibs and dubbing.

i know my 2nd was better, yes some in 1st and 3rd were off
but say you start a 6 syllable mutli on the snare.
that would make your verse closer to the hook than if you ended on it correct?
either way ill work it.

and idk what your talking about this whole foreign language learning english thing?
i speak fine, i use slang... this is a rap(creators of slang) forum right?

[K Reidy]

Solace is right, the flow needs some work, and I'm sure you are well aware that quality wise this could be better so theres no point going into details on that.

But work on the flow a little bit more... how long have you been rapping for?

Lyrically though

[Solace]

saying things like dont attempt to flow, just flow is great advice.
its like saying dont try to run... youll just run somehow

Are you the paraplegic of rap or was that just a shitty example? I gave you two paragraphs stating what you've done wrong and I can't really help you with rhythm unless I'm sitting there with you.

am done arguing i like any opinion especially one that will help me
improve, you atleast told me bout adlibs and dubbing.

Swag

i know my 2nd was better, yes some in 1st and 3rd were off
but say you start a 6 syllable mutli on the snare.
that would make your verse closer to the hook than if you ended on it correct?
either way ill work it.

Your 2nd wasn't just better, it was what all verses should've been. If you released that verse without the others, I'd think that you've really grasped and worked on a basic flow.

and idk what your talking about this whole foreign language learning english thing?
i speak fine, i use slang... this is a rap(creators of slang) forum right?

Slang has been around at least a hundred years before rap was introduced.

Whatever floats your boat Spidey

[SG.]

I did not expect this. And that's not in a good way.

Your lyrics were great as always, but you were so off-beat it was practically unlistenable. As Solace said, this wasn't as bad in the 2nd verse. What exactly were you basing your timing on?

[Trimss]

saying things like dont attempt to flow, just flow is great advice.
its like saying dont try to run... youll just run somehow

am done arguing i like any opinion especially one that will help me
improve, you atleast told me bout adlibs and dubbing.

i know my 2nd was better, yes some in 1st and 3rd were off

Lol, I think he meant "don't focus just on the snare sound" like, you shouldn't be like "when-is-the-snare-coming-damn". If you wrote on the beat, it will obviously be on beat after you practiced a little.

Lyrics are really great but you lack mic presence, and a good delivery. Your voice is awesome, just .. use it more, make it more powerful. It just seems like you're reading your lines man.

But I can understand what you're going through lmao, i have troubles to stay on beat too.. Hopefully my newest track won't have that. We'll see.

Anyway, don't give up because of the criticism. And also, it's not because Maybe told you your flow is good that it's automatically good (no disrespect), everyone can give opinions and if Maybe liked it the way it was well that's all good, but Solace is giving you great advices.

Keep up man!

[Sam.]

Word to Solace.

I didn't know that this was his 7th Track, I only knew about another song "I Don't Care". I assumed that he made than track(IDC) for fun and didn't pay attention. When I said I liked his flow I meant, it was good for a 1st timer. I also mentioned that he sounded as if he was reading of the paper that he wrote his Lyrics on and asked him to work on that.

You're right Solace he needs to work on his flow to stay on beat because the 2nd verse seemed nailed and the others seemed less perfect.

[Spyder]

thanks everyone

and Sam IDC was never recorded?

[Sam.]

thanks everyone

and Sam IDC was never recorded?

The other song that you sent me awhile ago.