Spyder - Immortal

[Spyder]

Youtube
LOF

-did something different with overlays as a test, so let me know on those please

Sickest rapper on bath salts, born from lab vaults
I don’t need Ultrasound to show your track faults!
I, Spit so quick like you hit fast forward
Haven’t caught my breath yet… but I’ve lapped yours.
Not the second comin of Christ, more like holocaust
I don’t pop bottles, I toss bottles with molotov
I’ve lost my mind, I mean its wandered off
If you’re lookin for it, it seems to respond to God!
I’m not bind by the sound arc I…
Split holes in the O-Zone using my sharp mind.
Archives part tides and leave you all destroyed
Words are weapons explains why you got hollow points!
I don’t think your ready for my pen’s state
Has me in state pens it touch ya like Penn State!
feestin while you menstruate, you heard it befo’
Just brings new meanin to girggle ya flow.
I bet your regret tryin to battle your hero
I stop molecules settin records to absolute zero.
Voice reigns supreme like murderous thunder
Put your jaw on the block if you need help curbin your hunger!
Left your freedom of speech shackled in dungeons
Picked up the fork in the road and ate your path of destruction!
You wallow and cry for being more common than I,
Never claimed to be fly, walk upside down on the sky.
Was gonna sit there and watch you die,
But I spit lyrics to heal outta my Jaws of Life!
This violent? You haven’t heard my worst rap
All these are just shock waves from my first track.
Wake up screamin in sparring fits
Hit the sandman, ripped his heart to bits.
Leave ya dead when I lock load and target hits,
buy my opponents grave spots as parting gifts!

[gutawafang]

rhyme asylum beat huh? I think your fucking lyrics is fucking good man, seriously. Mad punches and wordplays, nameplays. Fucking nice. Good effort in this one. I think your delivery could be much better. Make it more powerful, yeah?

[Spyder]

thanks you two

ya that was rhyme asylum beat haha

ya workin on the delivery, i get what your sayin bout rushin but i guess i dont hear it
but thanks for checkin me

and ur the fifth person to say i sound like slim, i dont hear it honestly hahahah

[Mr.DGAF]

You're definitely progressing man, I've been listening to stuff you've been dropping recently. I'm gonna start checking out this section a lot more, I like to see how people's lyrics (like yours) translates to audio.

Your delivery is the only real problem for me on this track. You're slowing words down in the middle of the bar and then having to speed up lines at the end of the bar to catch up to the beat. There's moments where you flow really nice on it, and then there's times when the flow is off. For instance, the line I noticed the most where you "slowed down" some of the words was how you stretched "I’ve lost my mind, I mean its wandered off". I think if you could nail out the flow in a couple of spots, you would be fine. The beat is bananas, but that probably goes without saying.

This was pretty nice man, if you could just work on flowing it a little better in spots, you'd be really good. The mixing was pretty good, no real sloppy transitions or anything like that, at least not that I could find.

[Eedee]

First off, yes, this reminded me of SSLP, I'm sorry, but it does. Not that that's a bad thing, merely your voice just doesn't go with that kind of style, I think.

Speaking of voice, you seemed incredibly sarcastic, and the lyrics didn't match that tone of voice (in my opinion, I may be wrong though!)...

Speaking of lyrics, awesome. Great punchlines and wordplay here, and the multis were great. I've only read your stuff, I've never listened to a Spyder track before, so this was a fun listen! Good shit dude.

Keep it up and keep droppin', you're talented.

[Spyder]

thank you

i agree with the sarcastic delivery, idk how people say i sound timid or uncomfortable but i get the sarcastic thing

yeah havent dropped too much audio, mostly CW.
getting the hang of it

[Trimss]

I told you i'd return the feed.

I don't think you can call that a "horrorcore" song, because well it doesn't seem horrorcore at all. (youtube description) anyway that was just a detail lol.

You might call it a sarcastic tone, I don't know it still seems like you're not putting much effort in the delivery.. BUT I may know why. Maybe if you rap closer to the mic, it could be better. Also, do you read your lyrics while rapping or do you try to memorize them, then spit them on the mic?

I would also advice you, if you wanna get your own "rap" personality, don't try to sound like a specific rapper (here, eminem with the slow/ironic tone)

anyway, let's pass to the good sides.

It seems like your flow is a little better than on your other track, even though you're sometimes slowing down to catch up the beat sometimes. It's like the opposite of what I do lmao.
and your lyrics are really cool. The mixing doesn't sound bad.

Keep doing it and you'll see that you will improve. This wasn't bad, just try what I said about the delivery.

good man

[Steve Spag]

You're definitely progressing man, I've been listening to stuff you've been dropping recently. I'm gonna start checking out this section a lot more, I like to see how people's lyrics (like yours) translates to audio.

Your delivery is the only real problem for me on this track. You're slowing words down in the middle of the bar and then having to speed up lines at the end of the bar to catch up to the beat. There's moments where you flow really nice on it, and then there's times when the flow is off. For instance, the line I noticed the most where you "slowed down" some of the words was how you stretched "I’ve lost my mind, I mean its wandered off". I think if you could nail out the flow in a couple of spots, you would be fine. The beat is bananas, but that probably goes without saying.

This was pretty nice man, if you could just work on flowing it a little better in spots, you'd be really good. The mixing was pretty good, no real sloppy transitions or anything like that, at least not that I could find.

Pretty much my thoughts exactly. You've definitely been improving man, lyrics, flow, all that. I think the delivery needs a bit more work but you'll have that under control in no time! If you could return the feed to my new track I'd appreciate it!
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